Fear, Desire, and a Choice

Onvima's POV:

I stood in the middle of a field, silently waiting. The warm breeze swept through my hair, and the sun glared onto my back, heating my body significantly. And much like the grass below me and the crops surrounding me that were chaotically blowing around, my mind was bursting with many different flavors of text. I may have been silent on the outside, but on the inside, I was anything but.

Just before this, Quis asked to meet me in this area. Since we were trying to go with this fantasy concept Quis came up with, we couldn't be seen just walking about normally, so we either had to commune in my house, or in places like this. But even if we weren't meeting up in front of the hot sun, I'd still be sweating bullets.

I know that out of anyone, Quis wouldn't just randomly ask me to meet him. He had a purpose behind every move he made, and I had a good idea of the reason behind this one. Quis and I have a... rocky relationship. It started out fine. He was quite literally my mentor, and I was his disciple. But things took a turn when I saw him, well, indirectly kill Iraspisit. It's not that I was surprised. His teachings made it very clear that he wasn't the type to stint at murder. It was just difficult to see and then accept in person. I mean, who would actually end the life of another to further their own plot without it being in self-defense? It was crazy to me.

And when I saw him actually do it, thoughts of how easily he could do the same to me crept into my head. I like to think of myself as a confident guy. I know my stuff and also know that once I finally finish my research on my Spell, I'll be more powerful than both Convir and Medisma... But I'm deathly afraid of death. I know this, yet I can't get over it. I don't even know why I'm so scared of it, but I am. So I'll do quite literally anything to avoid the risk of it. This was why I decided that after the Bamboo Bear attack was over, I'd expose Quis. However, it seemed that he already knew that I knew.

And like that, I fell into his plans. And now that I was here, I didn't know how to make heads of tales of it. Should I be angry and want to get my revenge on Quis? Maybe, though I didn't really feel angry. I have the things I'm proud of, but I can accept that people are better than me. Then should I be accepting of everything that happened and move on? I don't feel like that was the correct move either. Then should I just pack my bags and leave this whole mess behind?... That seemed like the rational solution, but whenever I considered it, my mind turned to mush and I was unable to explore the idea any further.

Either way, I still held that image of Iraspisit tripping in the mud, being sucked into that bear's mouth, and skewered down the middle. It was a scene that still sent shivers of fear and disgust into my head, and it was a fear that came from imagining the same thing happening to me. So I had to follow Quis, just as I had to follow Medisma. I got flashes of fear when I wasn't actually included in the performance we gave, and now that I would be having a private meeting with the man himself, fear was the only thing I could feel.

What would happen? Was he out of patience with me? Was I not worth the trouble he'd have to go through to use me? Were his threats just to keep in line a little longer until he finally killed me off? Why did it have to be me he killed? I'm just a guy who values intellect. So why me?

Thoughts of such variety swelled in my mind like lead being engrained into paper. The pencil moved left to right, making words at first. But then it got more scared, more insane. It went from structured words to errors, and eventually to crazed lines being drawn on the paper with no meaning or reason behind them besides to fact that they were chaotic. My mind was that paper, my thoughts the pencil, and my fear the lead.

What seemed to be hours of meaningless fears and a thumping chest passed, and eventually, the voice of death itself whispered into my ears from far away, "Hey Onvima. I'm glad you showed up."

My head stayed down, unable to look up. If I looked up, then things would progress, and I'd die. I didn't want that.

But eventually, I could feel a hand on my chin, forcing my head up. My eyes, which were circled with fears of the multitude of ways he'd end me for knowing his secrets, met his. His cold, dead, eyes. Eyes that belonged to a man who had killed thousands yet didn't bat an eye, and would kill again. Unconsciously, I swallowed my built-up saliva, expressing my fear to him. Then my mind flashed back to words I read before stating that true predators can smell fear, causing me to be even more afraid.

He opened his mouth and said to me, "Onvima? Are you afraid that I'll kill you? Just as I did to Iraspisit?"

These words... they... they were like sweet kisses to the mouth. I'm not sure why, but the way he said this and the words themselves calmed me down back to reality as if they were honeyed words from a lover. In response to his words of reality and my mind rebooting to functionality, I also silently said to him, "Yes..."

Quis suddenly backed up, "Great. Now, Onvima, please tell me. What is it that you desire most?"

I moved passed the sensory overload I just experienced and focused on the present. The fact that he acknowledged my fear but didn't say any words to suppress or expand on it was unnerving. But his next words made me focus on that more than the other, so I didn't get sucked back into my spiral of fear. Instead, I was focused on thinking, what did I desire?

I didn't have some inner monologue of what I did desire, nor did I waste any time. The answer for me was pretty easy, "Knowledge."

He seemed to not waste any time either and then questioned me, "What type of knowledge?"

"Anything."

My word came out seamlessly with no obstructions.

"How much do you think you know?"

"More than most my age."

I answered with confidence.

"Could you solve a quadratic function?"

A quadratic what?

"Do you know the procedures for an organ transplant?"

Besides death? No.

"Could you explain to me the theory of entropy?"

Another word I don't recognize.

"Electromagnetic waves? The structure of atoms? The equation for gravity? Gross domestic product?"

More words that held no meaning, "What are you trying to say? I already know that you know more than me."

Quis walked closer to me again. If it were before, I'd have fear coursing through my body, but now I felt nothing more than interest. Interest in what he wanted to show me.

Soon enough, his face was in front of mine. He was far enough for me to not want to push him away, but still close enough to make me a bit uncomfortable. His lips curled into that same smile I've seen him give others when things were going his way and said, "I'm not trying to say that I know more than you. I'm trying to say that I can teach you more than you know. The Jungle Region is very focused on the Magic Path, so much so that you can't find even a single book here focused on advanced mathematics, or any other science for that matter. But I still know these things. And I can impart my knowledge to you."

I felt my heart skip a beat at this. My one passion in this world was learning. I loved it so much that I have done a lot of things others would regret for it. Yet most of that was information pertaining to the Magic Path. However, if Quis truly held a wellspring of dried-up information on technology path concepts, then of course I'd want it. But I know Quis. He is manipulative, and wouldn't even stop at killing to get what he wanted. Why would someone so cold-blooded give something to me for free? Simply put, He wouldn't.

With unwanted temptation in my voice, I asked him, "What is it that you want in return?"

His smile contorted into one that could be mistaken for sweet as he answered me, "I only ask that you continue the duties that I gave you without fear for me in your heart. Onvima, I like you. I think you have the potential to be something great. I don't want to end your story short. Keep that in mind as you move forward. If you accept my terms, then meet me in the Firearm Genesis Essence bubble within the campus tonight and we'll start."

Once he said that, he turned around a began to walk away from me without another word.

I stood there, staring at his back which only got smaller and smaller until it left my frame of view while mauling over the words he had given me.

When you give to the void for long enough, you begin to grow numb to the lack of feedback you get. So I'm not one to care for words of discouragement or no response at all. 

But with that being known... I couldn't help thinking to myself, 'Does he really think I have potential? Or is this another scheme of his?...'

I've analyzed Quis for a while. I've seen how he operates himself, and I know that he would say anything to make someone do what he wants whether it's the utmost torture or the highest of praises. Even with that though, I couldn't help but feel flattered at his positive words. How long had it been since I'd heard a true compliment? No jokes. No sarcasm. Just a solid positive comment toward myself... Too long.

But if he's just saying that for me to do what he wants, is it even a compliment anymore? Is it true? And if it is just a means of moving myself, then should I do the opposite? Unless that's what he actually expects me to do... Agh, a paradox. In that case... I suppose I should just take the path of most benefits, which would be to acquire his knowledge for myself. But that'd mean that I'd have to stop fearing him, which is impossible for me...

In that case, I'll just have to try and fake it.

Alright, that settles it.

I'll go through with this deal Quis is offering while disguising that I'm not constantly scared of his presence, and get that sweet nectar that is knowledge.

I slapped my cheeks.

"Alright Onvima. It's time for you to get serious about this and learn as much as you can."

"Because, for all you know, this could be the key I need to finally finish my Spell."