CHAPTER EIGHT - Away with my heart.

"I'm leaving."

Two words that destroyed my insides and made me feel like a crumbled pile of dust. This is some kind of joke, it has to be.

"What do you mean you are leaving?".

"I mean exactly what i said Dian, i am leaving Randall".

It was like a blow to the stomach. I stared at my grey eyed blond boyfriend not wanting to believe he was serious. lately that is all i have been doing, not wanting to believe anything is real, not wanting to believe all the changes that keep showing up in my life one by one. Damon does not joke about stuff like this i know it and i do not want to overreact to this information so i just closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"I got an open spot at NYU for Geometry and chemical engineering due in a week." This is good news, this should be good news. This is everything he has ever wanted, i should be happy for him but does it make me a bad person that i am not?

"When? when are you leaving?".

"Tomorrow."

I felt hurt, i wanted to cry but i did not, i could not. It felt like being punched on an already deep stab wound. It took me exactly twenty seconds to rap my head around it. I scoffed.

"Where you even going to tell me?" I finally looked him up in the eye for the first time since the beginning of this conversation. If he had gotten this spot then he probably got the message a long time ago. Not today, not yesterday but probably a matter of weeks, maybe before i even woke up. And he had five days, five freaking days to tell me this but he did not. He just let me believe that we were the infinite couple that would get through everything life put us through no matter what, but i guess not.

He did not say anything for a while before he finally spoke, " i did not know how to" he looked away. "I wanted to, i just..."

"I am happy for you." I faked a smile, lying right through my teeth. Maybe this is a good thing, with all the shit that has been going on lately, i do not know how i am going to string Damon along with all the drama. Maybe it is better he stays far away from me. Right now i do not trust myself with anything or anyone, and the last thing i ever wanted was to hurt Damon. I would never be able to forgive myself if that was to happen. So yes maybe him moving a thousand miles away from me was the best option even though i hated it.

"Are you really?".

"Yes" i nodded "as a matter of fact i am. I mean this is all you have ever wanted even though it is without me. I would never get in the way of your happiness".

We had been taking a late stroll on the night streets with two shopping bags on our arms. I gripped on to mine very tightly trying to pull myself together.

"Dian...."

"I mean it" i smiled at him "i really mean it. Although i am a bit mad you did not tell me about this earlier."

"I am sorry" the expression on his face red genuine remorse " it is just that you just woke up less than a week ago and you were still getting to know your surroundings and all the changes and things you missed, plus you were so happy to see me, i did not want to ruin that for you".

"I get it."

"That does not mean we can not work though".

"Actually it does, yes it does."

"So you are saying...."

"That we can not do the distance thing". I swallowed the bile in my throat, telling myself it was the right thing to do. He looked really hurt. His lips were pressed together, he had that calculative look in his face, his pale grey eyes sparked with restraint, but unlike myself who was battling tears, there was none in his eyes.

Damon is not someone that just cries about anything. The only time i had ever seen him cry was in grade eleven when he lied to his mum about dropping his younger sister Flora off home before he went to Cedric Lennart's party at the same time Flora got missing. His mum had locked him outside and told him not to dream of coming back in till he found his sister who also ran off to play rebel with her teenage boyfriend.

"I do not want to break up."

"Neither do i."

"So lets not." He looked up to me with pleading eyes, grabbed my hands in his and squeezed but i quickly retracted. A deeper look of hurt flashed in his eyes for just a second before they were gone. "We can text whenever we are free, i will call you everyday, and, and, we can visit. It is not that long of a drive, just a few hours, i could..."

"Damon stop!" i interrupted "just stop. It is not going to work."

"You are not even going to try?".

I stared at him for a moment holding back my emotions and give him a blank look. "I can't."

"Why not!" he threw his hands up in question. Frustration evident in his character, " if you love me then tell me, why can you not even try to make it work?"

"Because..." i swallowed hard, " because..." because there is a demon living inside of me and there are so many things that i want to tell you that i can't, and i hate lying to you more than i already am because it kills me in the inside, not to mention i am a fucking murderer and i am scared, i am fucking scared of being around you because hurting you is the last thing i would ever want, i do not know if i would ever be able to forgive myself if i did. " long distance never works".

He scoffed. "Yeah, that is just a fucking excuse Dian and you know it."

"I love you Damon".

"And you have a fucked way of expressing it." He sucked in a deep breath and stepped closer "you say you love me and yet you want to throw away a year of us right into the dump."

"It is not like that Dame, i mean it, please don't ever doubt that" i pleaded to him with my eyes.

"Then come with me."

"What?"

"Come with me Dian." He took another step closer holding a fears gaze with mine, not blinking for one second. "To New York. It would be just like we planned, just the both of us in a nice little apartment."

In any other situation, this would have been amazing news. My response would not be even the least beat hesitated. I would have ran right straight into his arms and kissed the life out of him. I would have had the biggest grin on my face and then i would have kissed him again.

But as the words fell out of his lips all i could do was take one...two...three steps backwards, away from him. It was like i had just heard the most terrifying thing i had ever heard in my entire life. My lips were just there hanging open like a starved fish.

"Damon..."

"Fuck it!" He punched an innocent pillar by the walk way in annoyance. I did not even have to finish my sentence, he already knew what i was not going to say.

Unlike all the busy cities you probably know that have like a million people swarming around on the streets all day, this is a small town so they are not many people walking around tonight or any other day. But the few by passers walking around the area threw us both weird looks before going their way.

We both stud there in silence for a few minutes before he finally spoke up again. The hurt he held in his tune earlier gone, the pain he held in his pale eyes earlier too gone, the frustration he bore in his fist a few minutes ago disappeared. I searched his face for an emotion, a little emotion that would tell me what was going on inside his head, but not, he was just simply bank.

"So is this it?".

I did not speak. I could not say anything, i did not want it to be it.

After a few seconds of remaining silent and understanding i was not going to say anything, he turned around hiding his face from my view.

"Goodbye Dianna."

When he spoke those words, another two words that crumbled my interiors and made me question my decisions, i knew for a fact that it was really the end of us. And he was walking away. Away with my heart.

And it hurt. It hurt like a fucking bitch. For the first time in a long time, i felt the tears, unwanted tears flow down my face and it burned like fire.

I do not know what came over me but i chased him. I mean, i just broke up with him and rejected his proposal to live the life i had always wanted since senior year and yet i was running after him.

"Damon wait!"

He stopped on his tracks with me just a few steps behind him but did not turn around to look at me. I felt tongue tied. I wanted to say something but I did not know what to say. After some time he turned around to look at me and that is when it happened.

My head hurt, my vision became blurry and all i could feel was the pain. I held onto my head with both hands tightly screaming on top my lungs, begging for the pain to stop.

"Dian!" i heard Damon call "Dian what is wrong?" he was by my side in seconds trying to help me get a grip on myself just when i was about to fall to the ground." Dian, tell me what is wrong!".

I retracted from him, not liking the chill i got from his grip on my arm. "It hurts!" i kept on screaming, "it fucking hurts!" the tears where purring down my eyes like an over flowing river and now all i could see was her.

The memory from my last dream started to resurface. I could feel myself drowning into that pit of darkness over again, i could feel the oxygen being sucked out of my lungs, i could smell the fear and desperation of that little soul searching for the light but ends up being swallowed by the darkness. I could see her eyes, her blood red eyes hunting and tormenting my fragile soul.

"Dianna!" a masculine voice sang. Every where was fuggy now, i could not see anything but the tormenting red of her orbs. "Dianna your eyes!".

I wanted out. I did not want any of the pain anymore. I was ready to give up for good and just quit. All there was to it was a never ending rage of burning flames. So i let go. There was only one way to numb the pain and all i had to do was let her in. All i had to do was let out the devil in me, so i did. I let her out and it did not hurt as bad anymore.

I did not feel like my self anymore. i felt different, like a different person and i was not in complete control of my body. The fug had cleared and i could make out the features of Damon's face. He was saying something that i could not understand, but what i could understand was the nagging voice at the back of my head fighting for total control and the urgent need for blood. And there i was, laying beside a living vessel.

So i did the most logic thing. I striked, and then it all went blank.

*******

I had the dream again. The exact same one from in the morning but worse. Each time it happens, the worse it becomes. This time it felt like i was giving up my humanity only to go back and repeat the same process over and over again but more consumptively.

By the time i had woken up, i found myself in my bed. Now that had me wondering how i had gotten there. The last thing i remembered was talking on the walk way with Damon about his transfer and then i blacked out. Damon!

I quickly sat up but the moment i did, i felt like every where was heavy, and the sight in front of me had me gutted. I had thought i woke up in the comfort of my own bedroom but i was wrong. It was not my bedroom at all, the walls were painted a bright shade of pink, the curtains a white lace material with a mini dressing table at the end.

But that was not the terrifying part. It was that i was lying right beside her. The presumed actual owner of this room with her abdomen slit and her eyes shining wide in terror.

I almost choked on my own saliva. She was just a young teenager, fifteen in the least. Her chestnut brown hair scattered around her head like she had been struggling and her mouth stayed a few inches agape.

I stepped back with my hands on my mouth knowing exactly who did this. I could not take my eyes off the latest victim which is why i accidentally tripped on another while back walking towards the door.

They were two more, one hanging by the door with her head down and the other laying flat on the ground with a glass at the side of her hands in a loose grip like she had been trying to fight back. All victims looked to be the same age group. There were littered cans of coke and pizza boxes in the room so i had assumed they were just your regular teenage besties having a sleep over together when it happened.

I felt sick to the gut. I did this to this kids, i took away their adolescence and future, and now they are just lying dead in their own bedroom.

The heat spread through me and i could feel the flames burning inside of me. I was probably running a temperature but i did not care, all i wanted was to help these kids but i knew that was impossible. They were already cold dead and there was nothing the doctors could do that would bring them back. Maybe if someone had found them a few hours ago they would not have lost so much blood and could still be saved.

"Girls!" A feminine voice rang from the other side of the door but in a good distance away. I am guessing the brunet's mother "girls i am home!"

It was Saturday today so i was not really surprised that their mother would be home this time in the day. In that moment i knew my time was up so without thinking it further i jumped out of the bedroom window fumbling with my pocket for my phone. I needed to call Damon to make sure he was okay. I remember blacking out last night so i don't know the rest of what happened and i was scared. I had a really bad feeling about it that would not stop nagging behind my head.

After three tries and still being told by costumer care service that his line was switched off, i could not stop worrying. What if some thing happened to him?

Just as i was about to phone Faye, mum called and i answered immediately.

"Dian?"

"Hey, morning".

"Morning sweetie, have you gotten home yet?" I called mum last night to let her know that i might not be coming home because honestly, i thought my time with Damon was going to go great and we would both end up staying the night over at his apartment after a few boxes of pizza and an hour of watching " The 100 series" in his living room. Not with confessions about leaving for New York the next day and wanting me to come with him in the middle of the road.

"Yeah, i am just wanted to take a morning stroll around the hood. What's up? At work already?" i change the topic, lying right through my teeth, again.

"Yeah" she sighed, "i got called in really early this morning for some teachers conference about this kid that apparently raped about three girls who just stepped out to testify. God! teenagers are a lot to handle".

"Geez... that is terrible".

"I know right! Anyway, how are you holding up?"

"What do you mean?" I frowned.

"I heard what happened to Damon last night, are you okay?". My senses were now on high alert. something happened to Damon?

"Mum what are you talking about?"

"You did not know?"

"Get to the point mum, what happened to Damon?"

"I don't know the whole story but he got admitted into the hospital last night after Faye found him lying cold in the middle of the road".

My heart dropped, everything stopped moving around me, my hands were shaking and i was losing grip on my cell phone. A thousand thoughts were racing in my head and this time i actually choked on my own saliva.

"Dian? Are you alright?" mum asked sounding a little panicked. "Dian!"

"I am okay" i regained myself leaning on to a wall for support. "What hospital?"

"Rock" she said.

"Are you sure?" i asked.

"I am positive." She sounded very sure of her answer so i did not question it any further.

"I will call you later mum".

I did not even get to reach home last night before she took over. Every time it happened i was always unconscious and i always woke up before dusk but this time was different. The sun was reflecting brightly into my eyes making it difficult for me to see clearly.

Other than the evident bright red stain of blood on my jacket, there was no sign of my previous where abouts on me so i took off the jacket and dumped it into a public bin by the road side as i struggled to pack my raven hair up in a ponytail so it would stop bothering me because of the blowing wind and call Faye at the same time.

She picked up on the fourth ring and the first words that escaped he lips were "where are you?"

"On my way".

"You have to get here quick Dee, it is bad."

"How bad?" I asked afraid of the response i know i am going to get.

"Very. It is terrible."

I closed my eyes for just a brief second, trying to process the information. Running like a phyco to catch myself a taxi that just drove past me, and another , and another, and another again, i groaned and pulled my hair in frustration.

"What happened to him Faye?" I sniffed. "This is my fault isn't it?"

"Stop talking nonsense and get here quick" she hung up, leaving me cut with the blowing wind determined to destroy my hair even though i already rapped it up and looking like a girl that has lost her mind in the center of town.

"Need a ride?" A flashy black BMW pulled up beside me, the passenger window slowly rolled down reveling to me a man wearing a black leader jacket and shades with his left hand on the wheels.

I stopped to think it through. I did not have a habit of taking rides from strangers at all but right now i am stranded and in need to get to the hospital as fast as possible. And except i was planning on walking all the way home to get Freddie, then there was no way i was going to get there because all those stupid taxi drivers think i am some kind of crazy lady that is not worthy of ridding their goddamn vehicle.

"I do, is that okay with you?"

"Of course" he grinned "it is hard for a young man like me to ignore a pretty face like yours. Where to?" he pulled the passenger door open for me to get in.

"Rock hospital" he nodded and drove off with the radio jamming up to Drake's toosie slide.

"So what are you going to the hospital to do looking like that miss Keith?"

"Huh?" How did he know my name? i stopped staring out the window to look at him as he took off his shades and past me a short glance before going back to concentrate on the road.

I froze suddenly feeling cautious. The neat hair cut styled with a parting at the side and spotting waves, little stubble on his chin, caramel colored skin and dark chocolate eyes, there was no mistaking it. It was him. Isn't this just a mad coincidence?

"Detective Corey?"

"Ahh..." he sighed, nodding in acknowledgement "glad you remember me" he flashed me a grin "who wouldn't? i mean, i am not someone you just forget after all. Although i actually thought you were going to use that card" he winked.

At first i did not understand what he was referring to but then i remembered the night he came over to my house with his partner and handed me his business card with the exact words "use it" .

I did not know if i should be bothered that he was flirting with me or that i was sitting in a car with a cop with the disturbing feeling in my pit telling me to monitor my every action else i might just be in deep shit.

"I had no reason to use it." I said.

"Did you now?" He smirked, "you see women always use the card" he said exaggerating the 'always'. "I might be a cop, but that does not mean i can't have a little fun right?"

"No. It simply means you know how to put your manly attributes to good use."

He laughed "you are a smart one, i like you."

"I know" i brushed him an innocent smile "all the fuck boys say that".

His grin widened. "And she is witty, interesting." He flashed me another brief glance "you know, when i first met you i thought you were just a shy little thing. Turns out there are more sides to you miss Keith. Tell me, i would like to see the rest of it."

"Well then i am sorry but there is nothing else to see."

"Hmm" he's lips formed a small pout "and here i was hoping there was a secret serial killer somewhere in there that comes out at night".

I froze. completely motionless and lost for words at the last sentence. Did he know something? Next thing i know, he threw his head back and started laughing. A full and loud laughter that filled the entire car and drowned the sound of Drake now rapping to 'Gods plan'.

"Just shitting with you" he put his right hand to his chest to conceal the pressure of his own laughter while driving with the other.

Confused and not knowing what else to do, i joined him in fake laughter, revealing all my teeth as our voices filled the car. After five minutes the laughter finally died down and i could already see the hospital building from a distance.

"It was nice crossing paths with you Dianna" he addressed me by my first name for the first time since i have known him "i do hope we meet again" he smiled warmly at me. Oh, i hope we most likely do not!

I reciprocated his smile and pushed the door open wanting to get as far away from him as possible " goodbye detective".

"Call me James."

"Well then, James it is." i stepped out feeling the morning breeze hit me in full force. "Thank you for the lift".

"My pleasure."

I ran as fast as my skinny legs could take me to the third floor like the receptionist had said while trying to call Faye. Seriously, they could not admit him in a lower room? now i have to run three flights of stairs to get to them because the elevator would not open.

"Are you here yet?" she asked through the phone.

"Yes." I was panting by the time i reached the third floor "room 509 right?"

"Yes."

"Right on it." I ended the call and stopped in front of said room door.

I had stressed myself all morning to get here worrying about the guy i spent a year of my life with. But now standing in front of the door i can't find it in myself to push the door open.

My heart was beating really fast and my hands kept on shaking as i held on to the knob. Taking in a deep breath i gave myself the courage to open the door.

Faye was sitting on a chair beside the hospital bed typing on her phone with her dark brown hair loose. Damon on the other hand was just lying there looking pale with a bandage on his head and a blue sheet over him. My eyes became watery as i took slow steps closer to where he was lying.

"He is going to be okay right?" My voice came out shaky and weak, i tried, i really tried to hold in my tears "tell me he is going to be okay."

Faye looked up at me and tucked in her cell phone, her eyes were heavy like she did not have much sleep the previous day. She must have been up all night trying to make sure he was going to be okay. And i was down town doing forbbiden things and reaping off peoples gentiles.

My hands were shaking badly so i fisted them together so my best friend would not notice.

"He would be alright Dian." she said trying to calm me and i truly hoped she was right. "Ming is on her way".

I barely heard the last thing she said as i walked closer to Damon and squatted by his side. His hands were cold and disturbing to the never ending heat inside of me but i did not care. I traced my fingers down his arm and then to his face. My fingers trailed down from the roughness of the bandage around his forehead to his blond brows and down his nose, to his red lips, memorizing every inch of his face for the last time.

He was supposed to be on the road to sharelake to catch his plane early for New York but instead he was lying here in the hospital room with a bandage around his head and a plaster on his neck.

"What happened Faye? Please tell me what really happened."

She bit on her lips for a second and then opened them to speak, tuning her voice down.

"I went out looking for you. When you left that morning i did not know what to do. I knew you probably blamed yourself for everything that happened, for all those girls that..." her eyes were tearing up but she did not let a single drop fall. "I knew that you were hurting, and it is probably really hard for you and you are taking all that guilt out on yourself and i wanted to help. I tried calling but your line was switched off. I texted Damon and that was when he told me you guys were together."

"How did this happen?"

Her eyes held a pained expression. " I knew it was going to happen again so i went looking for you, but i was too late. She got out, you were gone and he was..." she bit on her lips "he was out cold. He must have fallen with a lot of force pressure, his head hit the ground."

I put my hand over my mouth and shut my eyes, processing the information. The tears finally broke through falling down my cheeks.

"It is going to be okay Dee, i got there on time to save him, the doctor said he only had minor injuries and lost a minimal amount of blood. He should be up and moving in a week."

That did not do anything to stop the thumping of my heart and guilt swarming through me. "I did this " i took a step back.

"No!" Faye was on her feet trying to console me "you did not do anything Dian, you were just the host, the vessel, you would never hurt anyone".

"But i did" i kept shaking my head trying to get her to believe me "i hurt a lot of people Faye, all those girls... i hurt them. I, i killed them" it was getting hard to breath.

She held my arm trying to convince me that i did not do anything wrong but i did, i know it, why can't she see it? Her grip on my arm was cold and it hurt, everything hurt, the pain was always there. " Listen to me Dianna, you did not hurt anyone and you did not kill anyone," she stared right into my eyes " that thing inside you did."

I shook my head. She doesn't get it, it was my hands and my face they all saw before they died. I woke up every morning with blood on my hands, their bloods on my hands. "I hurt Damon Faye, why can you not see that!" i pushed her away from me "there was no one else there, it was just the both of us. I, i must have pushed him!"

I took steps back heading for the door. "I can't be here, i...i can't".

"Dian! wait..."

But i did not stop to hear anymore consolations, i ran far with my tears purring down like rainfall and my mixed emotions all over the place. My eyes were blurry, i could not see clearly and i kept on bumping into grumpy people.

"Dian?" a feminine voice called and i slowed down to look up at the person. Her hazel orbs pierced into mine, light blush on her full cheeks that showed proof to her healthy eating, dark hair curved in a shoulder length bulb around her face as she hugged her jacket. "Are you okay?" Ming searched my face.

But i did not stop running, i just kept on running and drowned the worried voice of my best friend as i made my way out of the hospital building. I knew i had to stay far away from Damon, i could never forgive myself for what i did to him and it hunted me. I wanted to stay away from my friends too, who knows? Anyone could be next and i did not want that, i did not want to live in the constant fear that i might hurt more of the people i care about.

So i kept on running, running away from all my fears while carrying the guilt and the pain from all the dead teenagers and my ex-boyfriend on my shoulders. Knowing that it would not do anything to stop the rising darkness inside me.

But what i did not know was that i would bump into the most handsome creature my eyes ever had the privilege of seeing. I fell down to the ground on my butt, but i did not even focus on the pain. All my focus was on him, the tall manly figure standing to his back in front of me.

And then he turned, and i knew, i just knew, it was either going to be a start of something great or the end for me.