demon's in side my head

When the persistent existential crisis finally started weighing my sanity down, the minutiae stature of my persona started to dwindle and the dream of longevity became long forgotten I then decided to leave my artificially lit abode in search of more natural luminescence. When the thoughts of self-annihilation started fondling with my sanity, and my health degraded even further, I decided to let myself out into the woods with whatever ounce of energy I had in my consumptive shell to prevent those obnoxious thoughts from interfering with my conscience. I decided to move to Vermont. As for the queer stillness and calmness of my brain even after all these hideous cataclysms is another inexplicable prospect.

To say it was all a product of some wild, hideous imagination is to just blatantly ignore the plainest facts of my tenure, to say it was an adverse effect of my persistent ailment, or just pure unearthly phantasms is just plain stupidity and disgusted me when Nancy regarded it with a pinch of her unbearable laughter, her answer to everything, a detestable laughter followed by her toothy grin.

Every reflection held the same grotesqueness in my squalid, sullen sparsely lit home wearied by the same melancholic sight I tore apart every silver before leaving, burned every work fumes of which reminded me my transient uproar, fame, and my equally short-lived writing career.

Every little anomaly in those sinister unlit damp corridors reminded me of my futile decisions, flaws which resided in the nethermost point of my soul refusing to show up , every picture frame radiated a different tale of my short-lived career, every little aching step I took painfully reverberated, dictated a thousand years of struggle in my tortured ears. Tottering and floundering in the confines of my own home my day dissipated into nothingness and evenings into oblivions.

Night, my body shudders from the very thought of the nocturnal hours, chills run down my spine from the hideous thoughts of it. Nights were the worst of all, it brought those cries, oh god! those wails, those sick clamours despite the insidious outward winds in its direction. Those shrieks, those demonical shrieks, always induced a disproportionate amount of grotesqueness in my nightly fantasies often keeping me up in the morbid fear that I shall be mangled in the same noxious way nancy was. During the nocturnal hours, I felt my mental bandwidth contracting. To my mind, it all felt like a wicked phantasm created by Satan himself. A curious case of night terrors I laughingly exclaimed this to myself, shunning the most obvious of peculiarities. As time went on the signs became more wicked, he started to manifest more, at some point in time it felt like he scrutinized my habits for it would only appear when I was alone and idle and at the nadir of my mental and physical well-being. I sometimes attributed this to my ailing body, or loneliness which took refuge in my body refusing to believe he exists but the omens were crystal clear.

My coming to Vermont had been an utter failure for whence I looked I saw traces of my failures, for this sinister aggravated my illness and has pushed me on the brink of my untimely extinction. For my mind didn't seem to work rationally there even transiently, for nature I so dearly sought looked uninterested and inanimate. Though even after the abhorred nature of those woods, that cryptical place still reminded me of my melodious hours, from where everything went downhill. Down unlit, interminable patriarch of those sinister trees resided my wicked ailment which drove my sanity to self-annihilation and extinction. Life became an existential horror for me and it all started after I first met her.

I saw her for the first time in the fall of 30s walking briskly as if in some hurry, her hair though, those hairs. She had exquisite red colored hair. Looked as if she would get lost within those woods and would never be found if it were not for those red hairs. Her aura magnified the eloquence of the place, the rays bent around her body giving her a satisfying and elegant look. I knew I needed to talk to her. Making my way down the allée I tried adjusting my pace to match hers still keeping my heart beats within scrutinization levels.

The soft winter air displayed no signs to surcease, the wind had a certain crisp quality to it, a soothing aura which was now mixing with my overflowing anxiety and excitement. I was made to stop abruptly when she turned around all at once making me stop like a dear who got caught cold upfront some speeding headlights. I was the deer then.

I finally yelled, "Hi!" A confused yet so eloquent face looked back, in that mini seconds aeons passed for me every Einsteinian lecture every euclidian geometry and every Newtonian physics took an abrupt halt as I witnessed time dilation within normal circumstances. I laugh upon this now. My lips convulsed in undignified haste as I stuttered, stuttered and stuttered finally uttering some sensible composition of words barely comprehensible. My speech was cut short as some voice straight from heaven interrupted my lustful gaze and asked me in the most innocent face ever, "Sir, you look lost may I help you? "

Apart from her hair, the one thing stood out the most which were not palpable from behind her were those exotic eyes, those shimmering eyes, like a pale full moon shining maliciously on a cold damp winter night. The words which next came would forever remain inexplicable to my fading sanity, the origins of which I dare not fathom in my miserable state. I somehow complimented on her eyes, "You got beautiful eyes mam", she instantly blushed for I was no bad looking fella for my age, 5"11 and weighing nearly about 155lbs. I knew I had a pure chance here, "You got some mesmerizing gaze too" she hit back shyly on me.

From there to cut things short my world changed, it always revolved around her most amazingly. Whether it was a simple quiz victory at the university or a menacing feud she had to know everything, now for once love is a horribly difficult emotion to describe. For some impeccable personas of society, it's just a mechanism of reproduction necessary for the continued existence of all life forms on earth and a severe distraction while for the loathsome genres of society, the low dwellers presumably it's their world and for me, she was my world, amazingly no one hated on us.

Aeons passed on and eternities were to pass next but something malicious hindered our ephermal way to eternal happiness. The thing is besides all the fantastic habits she had, she also had a corrupted one which just plain obliterated every other. "It's Cancer," they said, procrastination I wondered in my hyperactive mind. The corrupted habit of her. She procrastinated everything her appointments, meds, the symptoms which she ignored with morbid levity. The lump jarred a fiendish look it grew insidiously all the way. Certain heaviness in the air surrounded us, it dared to engulf us in that room. The doctor wearing a pale smile, a blank expression continued to babble incoherently about the chances, risk and cost-effective insurance. Dread and restrained fear drooled through her eyes as she let out a forceful smile. The smile etched into my soul, in the deepest of corners.

A plethora of memories incessantly flooded my mind on the funeral day, to say I scarcely enjoyed the abysmal weather would be a sin, but it doesn't matter now. "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before", I reminded myself.

Loving a nihilist is hard but erudite experience, turning him sane, swerving off nihilism, removing it from the equation is even harder but for the sane to turn back into nihilist is a tragedy, unfortunately, the latter came true for my depraved nihilistic self.

I decided to move back to Vermont, to spend the rest of my days in recluse and focus once again on the betterment of my degrading writing career which once brought me transient fame. I finally set out for Brattleboro. The laughter lines accumulated through vigorous usage of superioris, risorius were slowly fading away into oblivion. The serene picturesque scenery unfolded in front of me in a beautiful way, it looked even sinister somehow for I was well acquainted with the legends surrounding the Vermont woods the stories, the tales my grandparents told me when I was still a kid. I shunned my delusional thoughts delirious with the tragic cataclysms, the grief and the overwhelming sadness it was experiencing.

I got out of the motor car and trudged painfully towards my abode. The Vermont woods looked so calm and inviting, the thick canopy laden with wildlings allowed little sunlight to reach the squalid surface, the moss-covered ground stretching for a thousand miles in either way. Wildlife was sprawling in the place. Bugs, insects, and rodents all peacefully inhabiting the still untouched parts of the forests, still not plagued by the sins of mankind.

It was still daytime when I arrived in Vermont. The atmosphere grew colder as I inched slowly towards my edifice, thick dark clouds formed over the horizon," ah! The Vermont weather", I chuckled back thinking to myself how dearly I missed this weather as the city's garish luminescence didn't allow even reminiscing. Past moss-covered ground, overgrown bushes and vociferous fauna I reached my destination, a cheerful and familiar face greeted me, Nancy. She was the caretaker appointed way back. The ominous signs of aging didn't hold back her from shouting my name so loud and vehemently it may very well have been heard in whole of Brattleboro. Her face now revealed the wraith of time, wrinkled and corrugated. Hands trembling, feet tremulous still enough to scurry around joyously. A face which was once smeared with eloquent freckles now displayed none.

The house was the same ever since I left it except for a beautiful Foliag