1 Delilah

It all started with a stranger. Every little thing reminds me of him. People are forced with the facts that I changed. Not the good kind of change. The kind where you feel like you are at the bottom of the river, drowning, no way back up. You just feel like giving up, and not try anymore. I guess that's where I am at right now. People try to tell me that I will get better but how do they know I am drowning, and I am releasing my last breath? I'm walking in the ocean with my flower dress waving in the wind along with my hair. I start to walk forward not afraid of death, not afraid of anything. Suddenly, I feel my arm getting tugged back.

"What the hell are you doing?!?" a voice shouted over the waves. Tears were rolling down my face.

"Just let me go, Jace!" I shouted back. Why did he have to stop me? Why did he have to make this a lot harder than it was?

"No! Lilah, please don't do this! I love you! I don't want to lose you!" his voice cracked on the last part. No! He can't love me! He can't!

"No, you don't. You don't love me. We're friends." I speak.

"You may think that but-" All of a sudden, a wave crashed in and threw me towards the ocean.

"JACE!" I scream. I look around for him. "JACE!"

"DELILAH!" He shouts back. I turn around and there he is on the beach looking for a way to get to me.

"JACE HELP!" I shouted. Then another wave came crashing down on me. That time I didn't take a breath before the wave hit me. My vision started to blacken. Then suddenly, my head hit something hard and I blacked out. I was semi-conscious when I felt an arm around my waist dragging me forward. Then I fell back under consciousness.

The next time I awoke was when I was in the ambulance. The medics were putting IV's in my arms and there was one medic who was at my head with an oxygen mask and helping me breathe.

"It's okay hon," One of the nurses said.

"This won't hurt a bit." The other nurse said. She put something in my IV. "This should help your pain, but it will also make you very sleepy." As she said that I felt my eyelids getting heavy. I was trying to fight it. Trying to fight sleep but after a little bit, or at least it seemed like it to me, my body gave up and I fell asleep.

Years ago, I wouldn't have been like this. I was so happy, until a stranger came up and kidnapped me. I was missing for three years and all those years I was getting raped, nonstop. Then he would beat me to oblivion and tell me to shut up and stop screaming. I struggle with depression for the past two years. Sometimes I would go to the ocean and sit there on the sand crying and wishing that I could get some guts and walk in the ocean and let it sweep me off my feet and kill me. I guess that's what I did today, but I failed. Jace came and stopped me. Today I tried to kill myself because that stranger got parole. He didn't go to jail. He's staying out, I am so scared that I tried to kill myself. I was scared that he was going to come and find me.... or WORSE! All I want to do is just die! He'll find me!

The next time I woke up I was in a hospital robe and I had a nose tube. I was looking around trying to get my bearings. My head was pounding, so I put my hand up to my head and felt a wrap around my head. I looked at the rest of my body. I have a cast on my ankle, my wrist and around my stomach. I guess I probably broke my ankle, wrist, and a few ribs. I heard talking in the hall outside my door and I realized that I knew that voice. His voice sounds like sweet honey. He walks in with coffee and something in a white sandwich bag. He has dark circles under his eyes. It looks like he hasn't slept in a week. He looks up and smiles.

"Hey," He says.

"Hey," I reply as my voice sounds harsh.

"Hey." He says back.

"You said-"

"How are-" We both stop because we started to talk at the same time.

"Go ahead-"

"Go ahead-"

"No, you."

"No, you." I smile and motioned him to talk. He shakes his head.

"Ladies first." He says.

"Just go, Jace." I say. He sighs and walks to the chair by my bed.

"How are you feeling?" He finally says.

"Fine, I don't really feel any pain." I say.

"Why....Why did you do that?" He asks hesitantly.

"I-I... I don't want to talk about it." I say.

"Lilah, you scared me. If I hadn't gotten there in time...Please Delilah, I want you to know that I lo-"

"Don't. Jace, don't say it. You don't love me, it's not possible for you to love me. You aren't supposed to love me." I said trying to explain.

"But I do. Lilah....Delilah please talk to me. Tell me what's going on in that little head of yours?" I look away from him. Tears start to weld up in my eyes.

"Jace..." I plead.

"Lilah, please tell me."

"Jace, I-I can't..."

"Delilah, I'm here for you. I've been here for you." At this point the tears are flowing rapidly.

"Jace, I can't tell you because-" Just then the door opened, and a nurse walked in.

"How are you feeling, honey?"

"Fine." I say wiping my tears away.

"You sure? You don't have to be strong for us." She says concerned. She looks like she wants to give me a hug or do something that would get her fired.

"I'm sure." I reply. I know she knows what happened to me, her face shows it all. So, I look at her with begging eyes to not say anything about it. I saw her slightly nod her head.

"I'll be checking on you later." She says instead. She probably wants to help me, I understand that, but I don't think I'll be comfortable to tell her. I started thinking about hoe I'm going to end my life the-

"Delilah," Jace said breaking me out of my reverie. I look up at him.

"Yes?" I ask.

"Please tell me. I want to understand, I want to protect you from everything. You mean so much to me." I sigh and look away so that I can be able to tell him the next couple of words.

"I-I was.... k-kidnapped," I whispered.

"Yeah, I know that part. We tried to find you, and one night someone was walking through the graveyard and found you unconscious. Then you were in the hospital and everyone was upset. I was left in the dark. I wanted to understand. I wanted to be there for you, but you kept shutting me out." This time I look at him with more tears brimming in my eyes.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know. I just...I don't know how to tell you...I'm scared of what you'll think of me.... I'm scared that you'll blame me." I whisper.

"I'll never blame you or even think any less of you." I still look at him as he gets blurry from the tears that are threatening to fall. "Would it help if I ask yes or no questions?" He asked sincerely. I couldn't respond for fear that my tears would betray me and fall out of my eyes. I just nodded and braced myself for the worst. "Okay," He replied thoughtfully. "I know you were in the hospital; I also know that you were kidnapped. Did that person hurt you?" More tears came and they overfilled my eyes and fell on my hospital gown. I nodded and he took a deep breath as he was thinking of a new question. "Did he abuse you?" I hiccup and he took that as a yes. "Did he... did he do anything that you... didn't want?" he asked carefully. This time I couldn't hold anything back and I lost it.

"He... he made s-sure I-it h-hurt." I sobbed. "H-he said h-he l-loved me." I was crying so much. It felt nice to cry in the arms of someone who cares about me. It's been a while since I cried.

"I'm so sorry." He spoke. It sounded like his voice cracked at the end of the sentence. Its unlike Jace to cry or show any emotions so I know that he's sorry. I felt so sick. If I could tell him that then maybe I can tell him about my family.

After, all the terrible stuff that happened my real family turned their back on me and put me up for adoption. Then my new family took me in, all was going well until the dad started drinking to wash away all his problems. I didn't know he was the abusive type drunk. When he would come home everyone would take off and lock their doors with the key inside with them. Since my room doesn't have a door, he'll come in and start yelling and screaming at me. Then he'll grab me and start beating the crap out of me. When it was over, I would go to bed and get déjà vu from what the stranger would do to me. It got so bad to the point where at night I would lock myself in the bathroom and started cutting myself to let go the pain in my heart. That's what the nurse saw, I know she wanted to make sure that I was alright. Somehow, I can't bring myself to tell him, I know what the cost of what would happen to me if I told someone. I would get moved to a different family. I mean I'm fine with that, but I'm simply scared. I'm scared of-

"Lilah?" It sounded like he was saying it again.

"Hmm?"

"Did you hear anything I have said?" He asked doubly. I guess I stopped crying, I just felt numb inside.

"I'm sorry. No, I didn't hear you." I replied as he smiled.

"You were in your own little world, weren't you?" He asked playfully and I smiled.

"Yeah, I guess. Um...so what you want- er asked?"

"What? Oh, um... I-I don't remember, sorry." He replied sheepishly.

"It's okay." There was an awkward silence between us. I looked around my hospital room and noticed that my adopted parents weren't here. "Where is Shaun and Luran?" I asked knowingly where they were.

"Um... They couldn't come."

I knew it!! They could care less if I died, but it hurt all the same. I close my eyes shut willing the pain in my heart to just go away. I want to just-

"Delilah?" Jace questioned. It sounded like he was calling my name for the third time. I opened my eyes and looked at him. For the first time, I actually looked at him. He was so stunningly beautiful that I was afraid that he was a creation of my imagination. He was wearing a black t-shirt with blue jeans that sort of sagged around his waist. He had a five o'clock shadow and his eyes are as green as emeralds. His hair is black with blond streaks in it.

"Y-yes?" I breathed out.

"Can I..." he sighs while he struggles for the words. "Can I hold you?" I feel the side of my lips turn up. I nodded and scooted over so he could climb in with me. As soon as he laid on the bed, I smelled a new smell. It smelled like cologne mixed with salt and the ocean. I got lost in the smell that I didn't realize he was asking me a question. "-Shaun and Luran?"

"Um... What?"

"How is Shaun and Luran?" He repeats.

"Oh, um... Okay." I lied. Shaun abuses me and Luran.... well, she has problems. But when my social worker comes to the house, they act all innocent and well behaved. So how is my home.... well, it's very terrible. I rest my head on his shoulder and I feel my eyes drift shut.

Ever since me and Jace were little we would do this. Jace was my protector. If some kid wanted to throw hands or talk crap about me Jace would always make sure that they would regret it. By the end of third grade, I was the most popular girl in school. Everyone wouldn't mess with me for fear Jace would do something to them. Even the teachers were too scared to even give me a bad grade for no reason. I remember one time a teacher was new to my school and I had her class. I had a test and I studied for it. When that teacher graded it and handed it back, I looked at the paper and it was marked as a sixty-five. So, I hid it in my bag afraid of what Jace would think of me and moved on. Well, little did I know Jace went through my bag at recess and found it. He came up to me and asked why I hid it. He grabbed my arm and he hauled me off to that teacher. Long story short that teacher ended up fired because she wanted to make me fail. To this day I still don't understand why Jace was going through my bag. Jace was like my knight and shining armor and stayed that way till I got kidnapped. After all of that I was never the same. I kept pushing everyone away because to me it's a lot easier to live that way.

The next time I woke up I found myself not being able to breathe. I jerked forward, fully awake, trying to breathe. I must have woken Jace up in the process because he's yelling for a nurse to come help. I was losing consciousness and I fell back. I felt something go down my throat and I choked on it then I was able to breathe. I felt like I was moving somewhere to a new place, I just want everything to stop. I want everything to be over, so I don't have to deal with this pain anymore. It's starting to become unbearable. I can't remember a time where I wasn't scared of anything. But now I thought I was ready to go. To leave this earth. But I'm not so sure. I just want to go. To leave this terrible place.