8 227

I guess it really is hopeless.

I think my count says it all. The rebellion was caught, and quelled.

I guess it was too much to depend on a minority of people who were no better off than I am. I was selfish to believe that I could just sit back and watch it happen. I'm no damsel in distress, I should have stepped forward and helped. We all should have. Maybe then we would have had a fighting chance.

But no, we are all too cowardly to risk the time we have left to help the truly righteous. So we all simply watched them fall and be deleted. To be honest, I don't even remember that there was a rebellion in the first place, and I can't remember what went on during it. All I know is that I wrote about a rebellion last time, and now the number of deleted has risen by over 100. It's not hard to guess what happened.

I'm so frustrated with how we all deal with this. We just pretend like it's not going on. Our guise is so perfect that sometimes I find myself wondering if I'm the only one that actually notices what's happening. Of course, that's not true. They made sure we all know what's happening.

It sucks that we just play their games by their rules without ever even questioning. We're all so scared that we just gave up. We try and enjoy the time we have left, ignoring the imminent and inevitable ending that seems to creep up on all of us.

Even I created this journal with the intention of someone finding it once I'm gone. I've just accepted the fact that no one is going to save me. I just accept that fact and don't even attempt to save myself and those I care about. All I care about is that I am remembered. That's all this was ever about, wasn't it. I tell myself that this isn't just for me, that I am making sure everyone else is remembered in their own way as well, but let's be honest. That was a lie. I really just don't want to be forgotten. It's terrible, and selfish, but it's true. I want to be remembered as much as I can, and that's why I started this.

I'm a terrible person.