Deity of Toilet Versus Deity of Pottery

Thomas Ma Tongjun always knew he was a little different. His life seemed to revolve around toilets. His father was a TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) doctor who was famously known in his neighborhood because of his effective skills at treating piles. Meanwhile, his mother was a toilet bowl cover designer. Perhaps, the most obvious sign that he was special was when he discovered that he could cure people' constipation by holding their hands. It didn't help that his name sounded like Mr. Toilet in Chinese. Despite all these remarkable coincidences, Thomas would never have suspected that he was a deity. On the contrary, our protagonist was a staunch believer in science. He was the wonderful byproduct of modern science education. He was an atheist.

This was also the reason why his best friend, Tu'er Shen, aka Rabbit God, had a difficult time convincing Thomas that he was a deity when he was twelve. Tu'er Shen first contacted him by appearing in his dreams. "Hey boy, you're a little different! Do you remember your identity? You're the deity of toilet. You're Ce Shen. You told me to give you this reminder when you reach twelve." Tu'er Shen thought that Thomas would remember his past once he said this. However, he simply said to the rabbit, "There are no such things as deities. There was a big bang in the cosmos and life came into existence..."

"No! No! Anybody can be an atheist but you. You're a fucking deity for goodness sake. You are the sacred guardian of the lavatories. You are the holy protector of latrines. You can't be a fucking atheist!" Tu'er Shen said exasperatingly.

"Okay, I am not going to entertain my overactive brain now. Bye dream rabbit." Thomas said and willed himself out of his dream.

Tu'er Shen scratched the back of his long ears. He jabbed his GodPad furiously to reestablish a new dream connection. Yes, even in the Heavenly realm, they have moved past the old magic mirror phase. "Hey Ce Shen, stop wasting my time! You can have this conversation with me and phase yourself out of your dreams because you are a deity. Don't you find it weird that you can cure people' constipation? Don't you notice that the toilet is always clean when you enter? Don't you find it weird that the people around you have great, wonderful, healthy digestive systems?"

"Well, it is just a matter of probability," Thomas replied nonchalantly. It wasn't as though Thomas was exceptionally smart. Of course, he noticed those strange coincidences. But despite how much anyone wanted to be a special main character snowflake, not many people would like being called Deity of Toilet.

"Agh! Whatever! Don't come crying to me when you lose your stupid bet with Tao," Tu'er Shen gave up and decided to try another time.

After this incident, Thomas asked his mother about the mythos regarding the deity of toilet. "Ah, Violet Lady. She was once a concubine who died in a latrine."

"What the fuck..." Thomas did not want to hear of this shit anymore. Yet a few days later, Tu'er Shen appeared in his dream again.

"I am not that Violet Lady. Go away."

"So, you've heard." Tu'er Shen said sheepishly. "As deities, we have multiple origin stories, I mean your Japanese origin story is Kawaya Kami. You're a handsome god!"

"I need empirical proof. How can I just believe you?" Thomas poked the rabbit's little pink nose.

"Hey! No touching. Okay, why don't you try out your other power..." a glint appeared in the little rabbit's eyes. Thomas rubbed his hands conspiratorially as he saw the impish look on the rabbit's face.

"You ability to make people want to shit even when they don't need to." Tu'er Shen chuckled cheekily.

"How do I do that?" Thomas asked eagerly.

"You sort of just look at them and wish that they shit, I guess." Tu'er Shen didn't really know his best friend ever used this ability. In fact, some deities don't even know how their powers work. Thomas had always wanted to teach his Math teacher a lesson...

The next day, Thomas stared and stared at his Math teacher. "Let there be shitttt..." he chanted to himself. However, nothing happened. The author did not allow this character to go down the parody path of Death Note... also known as Shet Note as this is a positive story and not story where characters go ape-shit evil. He thought he had no powers after all. But, two weeks later, his Math teacher resigned because she finally became pregnant after years of infertility treatments. Yes, Deity of Toilet was also connected to fertility.

In any case, Thomas finally recovered some memories of being Ce Shen and his rival, Tao Shen. But, this is a chapter for another day.