1 Silence please

I don't know if this is rational or not. I don't know if this is still the stubborn kid in me refusing to listen to anyone anymore. I don't know what it is... except for the fact that I am done. i don't have patience to be patient anymore. I know I haven't faced much in life to say such things yet . But I can't take this anymore. I don't have strength to keep on being hopeful. I am definitely losing whatever hope that remains in me. Apparently I am just scared for the day that I lose my hope and patience completely. Why does it have to be like this?. I have become quieter than ever before. I don't know what to talk about and whom to talk to. And even if I do... I don't really feel like talking to anyone. It's better to be silent and not explain what I feel. Saves me a lot of energy to present my point of view and even then fail to make anyone understand it. This silence is peaceful and calm. But I miss my old chatterbox self. I haven't been myself for idk how long now. But this is me now. Change is the only constant in life they say. But I don't like this change. I am sad most of the times. It was easier when I was busy cause I didn't really have to put so much efforts in being happy. and yes it takes way too much efforts for me to be genuinely happy now. People say I mostly stay in my room , don't interact , always buried in my phone. I wish they understood that I don't want them to see me like this. This sad self that I have become. It's nice in the room. quiet , dark and peaceful. Though I miss being the extrovert , always hyperactive and energetic. I have become used to this introvert now. And since few days , this has been growing up on me even more. I don't really like the quite , but I'd rather chose it , than face what's going on outside the door of my room . I miss the smile they all had , I miss the love they all had. I know the love still exists , yet there is an irreparable hole , that just drains out all the love there is. Life is so funny. How much ever we try to make it through our terms and conditions , it defies it all.