1 A new day, A new nothing

Another day, another job application for a crap job I don't want. I just graduated university after almost a decade of starting and stopping. On the day of graduation through desperate tears of joy I thought " Yes, finally I can make the universe my bitch! Skies the limit! With my bachelors degree in Art history, there is nowhere to go, but up."

Unfortunately, I'm a dumb ass and let's add delusions of grandeur in there just for the hell of it. I'm glad my mom and sister Tara are supportive of me, although I have to say it's mostly my mom, as Tara loves me in her own special way.

Standing in the kitchen early morning just going through motions of checking my inbox and notices to see which super awesome minimum wage job is begging me for an interview. I hear my mom saunter over to the coffee pot next to me.

"MMMmmm, brewing a fresh pot as a thanks to all that I sacrificed and years of love I gave."

"I'll take it."

As she brings the mug to her nose, slowly enjoying the aromatic steam as it saunters over the rim. "Remember Grant, it's the small things in life that makes the day all the more enjoyable." kissing my cheek.

"Mom I Can't believe you still use that crappy mug I made as a kid. What's really mind boggling is the fact that something that wonky and deformed can still hold liquid at all."

"Please, please, just toss it out. I can't endure this embarrassment against art."

My mother smiles while taking a sip, then faking shock and bewilderment says, " How could I throw away this crowning achievement!? How would I ever know I was the best mom in the world unless I had this mug to prove it. Look, there is me, stick figure and all, and right above my head is a number one." pointing sweetly and at the same time, at least to me, mockingly at the childish drawing on the mug.

"Let's get busy sport, a new day and fresh start. Where is your Sister? She is going to be late unless she hauls ass like 15 minutes ago." The last part was almost a yell, while mom started tying her long hazel brown hair up in a bun. Looking smart in her pant suit and vintage Star Trek shirt, you could never tell that mom was as old as she was. She still has this youthful energy that never seems to die down, like a kid, her jubilance only seems to make her seem younger. For me, it was something I did not inherit, but sort of wish I had.

Tara jumps up on the counter opposite of mom and I in the kitchen, sitting on the ledge.

" Not late mom, just waiting for bub here to wake up. I mean, what do we pay you for again? I have a personal chauffeur that's supposed to be driving me to school, but he just stands there looking stupid. God, where can you find good help these days." She smiles really quick then sticks out her tongue while kicking her short legs back and forth.

Mom quickly checks the time, grabbing her tote, and re-adjusting her glasses. Sprinting towards Tara kissing her forehead as she juggles everything in her hands heading out the door. " Love you both, and have great day. Oh, I just had a great idea! Lets have breakfast for dinner and..." her voice trailing off as the front door closes. Both kids In unison yell " Yep!"

I hold up the car keys for my beat down jeep while my lips turn to a frown, " Will you please let me drive you to school? Pretty please? It's not like I have a choice in the matter. Teeny tiny Tara needs education to grow up big and strong." smiling at the end, I suddenly run for door shouting " Don't blame me if the car leaves without you." Tara grabs her bag running after Grant " You wouldn't dare!"

On the drive to school I see my sister sitting listless, watching the road pass by, and I just know somethings up. My sister is sarcastic, sure, but she is definitely not the silent type.

"Hey, what's wrong? I'm your brother, I know something is bothering you so just fess up, okay.

Some guy teasing you? Mean girls? Spill the beans."

"What? It's nothing, okay. I just don't feel 100% today."

I take the back of my palm and rest it on my sister's forehead. " Hmmm. Not a fever. Is something going on? I'm serious Tara. If there is anything thing big bro can do for you, you know I'm there. I'll always be there for you and mom."

Tara with a calm voice, but with a sense of urgency says " Grant, I know you work hard, but what are you doing. I mean, your my older brother, but at times it seems like your a lost child. I'm happy that you finished school, and happy that I get to see you everyday, but what's going on with you. Since I was old enough to understand what was happening, I could see that you were not focused, going from job to job, friend to friend, nothing lasting. Are you always trying to remove yourself from the world? I don't want you to be alone Grant. I want you to be the bub I know you are, and I want other people to know it too. So, can you promise me to get your shit together?" Tara tries smirking to lighten the load. For a 17 year old she was smart, and way more grown up for her age.

My kid sister knocked the wind out my sails. I want to be the brother she looks up too. I think I want to move on and just get started onto that next something, anything, but I just don't know how. I make friends, but just as easily don't stay in contact and lose touch. I've been a barista, EMT, mechanic, painter, dog trainer, etc.., the list goes on. I've never really found something that stuck. Like the pieces of the puzzle made a picture, but they just didn't connect. None of the pieces around me seemed to fit.

A silence crept into the car as the jeep pulled up to the red light.

I firmly look at my sister " Tara, Tar-Tar, I'm trying. I really am. I'm going to figure this out, I don't know how long it will take, or even if I can do this alone. I promise you though, even if I have nothing left, I know one thing in my heart. The one thing I have never lost focus on or will never abandon is you and mom. So lets make this promise between us, I'll try to change and be a better brother, and you promise to stop.." I stop mid sentence and point my finger under her chin, while she immediately looks down I boop her nose at that second. " falling for that every time."

After a little badgering from my sister, we pull up to the school parking lot. Tara quietly says, " You know Grant, your not alone. I'm here." I smile and rub my sister's short wavy hair back and forth sending it out of control. Tara almost screams, " Stop! Your messing up my style." slapping my hand away looking like a grumpy toddler. I hold up my hand for a high five , " Kick ass at school today, Tar-Tar" and we give each other our standard brother and sister high five.

I jokingly remark as she gets out of the jeep, "You know, this would be easier if you would just get your driver's license. I'll even let you borrow this beast."

Tara cheerfully responds " Now where would the fun be in that. Plus, why would I miss out on all these fun excursions of ours." waving she starts moving towards the school's front building. Her tomboyish looks with her innocent school uniform, makes her seem so much like a kid, that I sometimes forget that she is in high school.

I arrive home soon after, just laying on my bed, scrolling through my laptop. Trying to see if I could find a spark that could pull me out of this slump. I keep powering through the job boards till noon, until my brain couldn't take it anymore. I'll start to lose my sanity if i keep looking at these shitty job postings, and their shitty no responses. The last job posting I see was for a funeral home, a little morbid for my taste, but beggars can't be choosy. I submit my application and quickly close the laptop in exhaustion.

Might as well get started on this book I've been reading. I reach over to my night stand grabbing the thick beast of a book. I gently swipe my hand against the aged cover of the hard bound, feeling the bumps and grooves of the filigree. I picked this bad boy up at a hole in the wall used book store, and was immediately mesmerized by the cover. A gold inlay of creepy gothic art, depicting a massive door. On one side stood a spirit, almost angelic in nature with flowing clothes holding a giant shield. On the other stood a skeleton with rags falling off its bones, holding a scythe upwards with the blade flowing over the door towards the opposite side.

"Solomon's Almanach IV, by S.K.W."

Such a weird book. I've only started reading a little bit, but it was such a dry read. If not for the strangeness of the content I would have just marked it off as a cool cover and leave it at that, but man this book is hard to get through. I've been an avid devourer of literature ever since I learned to read as a kid. I just love the feeling of being lost in a book, and before I knew it my eyelids grew heavy and I was out cold. The book falling off the edge of the bed landing with a thump to the floor.

Startled, I jumped up into a sitting position. Cold sweat dripping onto my soaked shirt and bed sheets. It was so dark in my room. I must of dozed off waking up in the middle of the night.

I heard it again. A scream pierced the air, vibrating the atmosphere in dread.

" Tara."

I panicked, her bedroom was just on the other side of the dark hallway right outside my door. I need to get to her. Try as I might I couldn't move. What the hell is happening? With with all my might, my body refused to respond, struggling to even move my pinky finger. My body's only reaction was a cold shiver quaking my being and goosebumps taut on my skin. I was mentally losing it. "No! I have to get out of this bed. C'mon body work with me, move goddammit, move." Panic was overtaking me. For such a short distance my sister's door now seemed miles away. Desperate I scream, " Tara, hold on! I'm trying to get to you, so just please hold on!" What the hell is going on. If not for the fact, that I knew Tara was in trouble, I would be so lost right now.

Before my next thought, my body just whips itself in motion. Without control, I corkscrew slamming into wall beside my bed landing face first. The movement was so fast and forceful that i almost went through the wall entirely. Then, with my body stuck to the wall, I began being slowly dragged up the wall scraping my skin along the way onto ceiling by an invisible hand unfelt and unseen. That first slam almost knocked me unconscious. My head pounding and vision swimming, trying to gather my thoughts. All I could see was the white staccato of ceiling pressed hard against my cheek. Without warning, I was launched back down to the bed with enough force to crumple the bed's frame, flattening the mattress to the ground. As my back and bed hit the ground all the air was pushed out of my lungs.

Trying desperately to breathe, I hear the rotation of the door knob and the door open in. Without delay, I see a shadow at the edge of the bed, the outline was so blurry that i couldn't really make sense of who or what was there. The only thing that was clear was the smile stretching to far, and the gleaming blade reflecting what little light was in the room. The blade swiftly struck my chest, and all I could feel was the heat pouring in. The shadow only said one thing. Holding a finger to its lips, softly making a sound , "Sshhh." All I felt now was cold, and soon after nothing.