4 May 25, 2031

May 25, 2031

Oh, Diary,

I have terrible news to share… My mother went missing after that night. It's been over two months now. It was weird and unlike her. She has her own company to run and she wouldn't leave dad behind…. Would she? It all my fault really.

My fault for letting her watch over me while I slept. The guilt is killing me down. Not sure what to say. The guilt clings to me, refusing to let go. Whispering into my ears. A horrible chant always following … " It's all your fault… It all your fault " I don't know what to do anymore. Losing sleep over this. I don't even know what to say anymore.

They have questioned me over and over drilled, to the point, I swear the shadows in the corner started to come to life. I don't know if I should scream anymore when I see these shadows … The thought of something happening to my mother scares… me. To make things worst…. those dreams I was having are no longer peaceful… They have got twisted and dark. Yep, Nightmares.

Oh, Diary. When I have these nightmares, I end up not sleeping for days even weeks. Which scared my dad. He is already distraught about mom going missing. Now seeing me slowly losing my sanity. It honestly broke him. Yes, Dairy. My dad is in the hospital. Everything was taking a toll on him. His body couldn't take it anymore

Knowing that my dad was in the hospital, and my mom is missing destroys me. Everyone in town started to talk. Trying to point figures. Wondering if my dad killed my mother and is faking everything. Then hearing that am at the break of going insane. Through the entire town is in an uproar. I didn't bother to go out anymore. Yep, I lock myself within my room. My brother's drop by to check up on me. Afraid I'll be next.

I don't like this one bit… moving back home was a terrible choice. I haven't heard from Felix. Bet his parents told him to stay away. My heart breaks when I think about it. Dairy, I miss him. I don't why, but I do. I know I don't deserve to think about him or long for him, but honestly, I can't help myself. It has been years since I behave like this. All these feelings came back the second I saw him again. Maybe it's faith… or maybe I'm still living in denial.

Don't know what to do anymore…. I quit my job. I'm wasting away here at the ripe age of twenty-seven. Oh, to be young again. To start over once more. I would honestly take back asking my mom to lie beside me. I would have just accepted it all and suffer in silence. Losing her has been putting a lot of stress and pain on my body.

Odd as it may be dairy. I feel the disdain you have for me. Shedding tears on your pages. Waddling within my own self-pity. I can't help but feel this way. I wish to feel pain. I wish that my mother and father didn't suffer…. well, to be honest. I wish I never was born. So, this never would of happen. But deep down, I know I don't mean it. Just the pain right now is too painful.

Oh, what to do, my beloved diary. Not sure how to behave. Just wish everyone in town could just shut up… or better forget about what happens. No. Just wish for my mom to come back. Just wish to know she is okay. But I have this sick feeling that she not. This worries me the most.

You know what also weird. Maybe it the medication my brothers got me, but I haven't had a dream these past three days. Not sure where they got the medication from. First, I refused to take it Then talk about I need my sleep and can tell how much sleep I need, and I need to get better for dad's sake. Only took it for dad. If I had a choice, I would slap all three of them for thinking about giving me sleeping medication…. The only bonus with the pill is. I haven't woken up to the pale white face in the black cloak. Which stares at me each time I wake up. Oddly, I feel sad. Not sure why? This was confusing, not sure what to do with myself anymore…

Why would I long for death? Why would I miss him? Yep am going insane. Staring off in the distance. In this empty room. With my puffy red eyes. From all the crying. From feeling depressed and all alone in this empty house. I am seeking any kind of comfort is okay right now.

Ha. Ha. Dairy… don't take me seriously in the last sentence. You know me well. Never had much interaction with anyone, even male or female. I mean, I dated. Didn't grated no one my chastity.

I'm sounding even more pathetic than before ugh…. being a virgin in this time age…. I am pathetic I reach so far to crash into this black hole I dug myself.

My dear diary. You may look at me with disdain. You can be angered with me for the lack of writing. What else can I write? My feeling. I know me and you know. We both don't want any more of that.

Two months of no writing with your pages. I hope to fill your pages. I'm sad to say. I don't have much feeling and I don't want to feel your pages with my dark twisted feeling. I don't want to keep writing until I feel worst than I already do. I hope you understand.

I don't want to neglect you. Just am not in the right state of mind.

Dairy, My Beloved Dairy.

Please remember you may be my only friend.

The only person or living thing I trust in this world.

Your One and Only

Angelia

XOXO