1 [Chapter 1] Blood Loomis Part 1

Three characters. First Chapter. Blood Loss. Blood Fear. Comedy is the heart of tragedy? Candy.

Whenever I browse online videos I sometimes get recommended crime scene clean-up crew videos. They usually have more views than you would think, given the subject. I always see the thumbnails but I refuse to click on them. But they still get recommended to me like I have some overt interest in the macabre. I don't.

I wish I would have watched them in hindsight, however. The feeling is kind of like one of those professional eaters that gorge themselves in preparation for a contest. So that their stomachs can take it when they're actually having to shove stacks of hotdogs down their throats.

My point being, my stomach can't take this right now. When the carpet in your room is soaked in this much fresh blood you'd probably be a little queasy yourself. Especially if it's your own blood spewing out like a twisted confetti cannon.

I'm not one for talking to myself in the third person, but if it's in my own head I think I can let it slide this once. Here we go.

"Okay Garrett, just think back to this morning, what did you have for breakfast?"

"Pop-tarts right?"

"Yeah, it's gross but a quick solution to early morning hunger. More importantly, what flavor did I have Garrett?"

"...cherry?"

"Frosted or unfrosted?"

"...frosted.."

"You bastard! I hate cherry. And the frosting is just too much, what's wrong with me?"

Okay, trying to reason with myself in the third person in a dire situation isn't working. I should stop. Maybe next time this happens I'll just talk with her to reason out why she was doing it this way. Next time? Wait. That's it! I'll try that right now!

"H-Hey you..."

"What is it? You're shaking...I told you exactly what I was going to do and you're shaking and looking paler than a white baby's ass. Also, I told you my name, my name isn't 'You'."

She seems to be in a great mood given what she's done so casually to me. Well, I can't give up now. I need this answer before I die and bleed out on the floor.

"Y-yeah well just tell me..."

"Tell you what?"

"Frosted or unfrosted pop-tarts?"

"....."

"Y-you don't like pop-tarts?"

"If I say frosted will you keep quiet and help me clean up your blood once you die?"

"H-hey come on now you don't have to put it that w-way..."

I was honestly just upset she'd be so casual about killing me and not even give a serious answer. Frosted is still way too sweet for me. And what does she mean by "once you die"? Going by all this blood I should be dead already, right?

"You really don't look well, Garrett. You look like you're gonna pass out before you die or something."

"H-Hey if I pass out does that mean you'll c-carry me like a princess to get help?"

"Yeah okay, you're delusional now too..."

I was really hoping she would. I could see the looks she'd get by carrying a bloody body around as if she saved it from some fantasy castle. Kind of a wholesome payback in a way. It would honestly be worth passing out. Maybe I'll fake it.

"Though if you did pass out it would be easier to carry you that way, my back has honestly been killing me today."

I definitely feel like faking it now. I wonder if opossums feel like this when they get ready to play dead. That's probably more of a defensive reflex though. I'm kind of feeling defensive towards her right now though, so maybe it counts. Okay here it goes, I'll pass out on three. One, two, three-

"Oh hey you're dead I think now. All the blood finally drained, looks like. Guess you were dead for a while then. Haha, why did we bother watching, just kind of a fucked up curiosity huh..? Oh, shit did he just pass out...?"

The hook is set. Now she just has to pick me up and embarrass herself as I get carried by a girl for free. I think this honestly might be the highlight of my day.

"Wonder if he can hear me...maybe he's faking it."

Hey, you stop getting clever like that. I won't forgive you if you mess this moment up for me. Just be blissfully ignorant and carry me, your princess, and you, my knight in shining armor.

"Well anyways now that you had me thinking about it, I think I actually like unfrosted..."

I think this woman might have a chance to be my wife in the future, she should keep up that attitude.

"Hahaha just kidding, actually I've never had a pop-tart yet. I just like candy if I'm being honest."

I take back every feeling I had for that moment. She has a lot more to go if she wants my last name dammit. Now hurry and pick me up!

"I don't even like tart-tasting things..."

A pop-tart isn't actually tart! That's just the name of a pastry! Why are you being so serious about this subject now!?

"I should take a picture of him doing weird things...I heard people usually stay passed out for a while in high-stress situations..."

No don't you dare Weekend At Burnie's me! I know we just met recently but as an acquaintance and likely future friend, picking me up in a slightly intimate way should be a cakewalk. I mean you just killed me! You could at least do me the solid and embarrass yourself for my self-indulgent fantasy! H-hey stop moving me around, it's hard to play ragdoll when I feel you touching me weirdly! Don't touch my legs! This is sexual harassment and I don't have to take it!

"S-sheesh he's heavy...not really worth the prank then, wish I had a permanent marker or something."

I am hurt by multiple things you've said there. And permanent marker? Okay, settle down there Satan.

"Maybe I won't pick him up then. There's no way in Hell I'm letting him indulge in his weird fantasies."

Hey, I just said that. I have a right to call you out your blatant plagiarism. I don't care what you think about my fantasies. Just indulge me for these few minutes after killing me. Also, don't look down at me like that, I can still see you from the corner of my eye you know!

"Hmm I was gonna have him clean all this blood up with me, guess I'm just going solo. I am soooo making him buy me candy after this."

Now you know I don't have money right now. How could I even do that? And stop talking out loud you freak! My parents might hear you if you're too loud! Wait. Why am I even bothering? It's not like she can even argue back at me.

"Huh, I've never had to deal with two bodies on my own before...maybe we can just leave the body here, his family has to think he's dead anyway..."

That wasn't a part of the deal. I was supposed to disappear and have them distracted, remember! Being brutally killed like this will just look wrong in all sorts of ways! And again, stop talking out loud to yourself, even I'm getting weirded out. This situation is strange enough as it is. I don't need to think you have such a quirky character trait. You've covered your bases.

"Heh, maybe I can make it look like a suicide. Would be good to rule out murder so the family also gives up quicker."

Okay, I know I'm a little gloomy. But suicide is a bit far. Especially if I managed to cut off my head like that. If I was my parents I think I would mostly be impressed by that feat alone. And stop sounding so happy to mess with a corpse.

"Oh someone's coming! U-uh dammit fine! Come here!"

I think I heard footsteps coming up the stairs too. Who cares about that! I think I felt her arms slide under me. She's got some slender arms. That's weirdly erotic. Please don't awaken anything in me. Oh! Breasts. I didn't think she had any.

"Y-Your window won't open! Why!?"

That's because I like to keep the A/C in my room. Thank you very much. Super glued that shut years ago. Playing dead is pretty fun. I think I'll try it more often.

"Screw it!"

Oh, she's not. Oh, she is. I gotta ask her how she does this later. She goes through walls and stuff. It's strange but I kinda wanna be able to do that too. Oh, I'm wet now. That must be some rain. Does that mean we're on the roof now? I haven't opened my eyes cause I wanna keep the act up.

"I think we're safe...sheesh...close call...can't believe you passed out because of a little blood..."

"A little!? That was like some Quentin Tarantino blood bath in my room!" I shouted at her.

That comment bothered me the most. So I gave up the act rather easily and sprang up like a zombie. I was not gonna let that one go.

"I knew you were faking dammit!"

"You're the one who speaks out loud to yourself for my convenience! Dumbass! You're not getting any candy now!"

"Like you have the money..."

"You knew it!?"

I felt her hand slam against my face to cover my mouth. You'd be surprised how much that hurts. She made me bite the inside of my lip. Again, weirdly erotic feeling. Am I coming down with something?

"Shut it...your dad just walked in your room I think..."

She was right. When we peeked through the window a little, my dad was standing right there. Just staring blankly at the gory scene. At my body, my head detached from my neck. I don't want to imagine the thoughts racing through his head. Losing his only son in such a sudden and horrible fashion.

"B-Babe what was the number to our insurance company!? I need to claim some life insurance! Right now! We'll finally be able to buy a new car!"

I have lost all attachments to my former life and would like to calmly proceed with my future endeavors in good health. I thought to myself as I gestured for both of us to just leave already. I had seen enough for today.

"Let's go buy you that candy you wanted..."

"R-Really!? You have money!?"

"No...I do not..."

"Why can't we just steal some candy!?"

"Because that's illegal and immoral..."

"Huh..." she said with a surprised look on her face.

"What is it?"

"Nothing really, just um hungry I guess..."

[Continued]