1 Courting the Dead

"HEAR YE, HEAR YE THE DIVINE COURT OF AFTERLIFE ARBITRATION IS NOW IN SESSION, THE GODDESS NEHMETAWY PRESIDING."

"THE BAILIFF MAY NOW BRING THE SOUL OF THE NEXT INDIVIDUAL IN QUESTION TO THE STAND FOR JUDGEMENT".

It was with these words that I was awoken from deaths embrace and once more became aware of my self and all that had come before. I had been walking home from the weekly pub quiz at the Duck and Horse, having come second in a field of seven, when it happened.

I'm not completely sure what went down exactly but one minute I'd just finished crossing the road and the next pain, the likes of which I hope never to experience again and then nothing.

That is until I awoke in a very snug bed in a four by four room with a strange humanoid creature hovering over me and some kind of speaker broadcasting those words to me.

The creature then spoke to me in a heavily accented English that sounded like a cross between that of Australia and Ireland.

"We can't keep the Goddess waiting, she gets pissed when that happens and things are bad enough already for me as it is. Don't worry she's the best of the bunch, be glad Ereshkigal isn't presiding over your case or I wouldn't care for your chances. Come on now judgement, especially the kind you are about to experience, is best-faced head-on."

When I awoke I was in a state of calmness, I knew I had died, accepted it without question and that I had been wrong all my life, there was an afterlife and I was in it. I was unsure what exactly would happen now but knew I had to follow this Bailiff to some kind of court, for some kind of judgement, that no matter what happened then everything would be alright and so that's what I did.

I even managed to strike up a quick conversation with the Bailiff as he led me to the courtroom when I introduced myself and in turn enquired as to his name.

"My names Svipdagr, my mother named me after an old friend of hers, one of your lot. I used to get teased because of it back when I was younger."

" I had a friend named Priti Bhutto in primary school that suffered the same fate. So do you enjoy your job, I imagine you do the same kind of things a bailiff would in a court on Earth."

"It has its moments, I've only been doing it for a decade or so, the last bloke was at it for a couple of millennium before he killed himself. That was the first case I helped with and the most exciting to tell you the truth, yours should be interesting"

"Why's that if you don't mind me asking".

He didn't have time to answer as we arrived at our destination, a strange yet oddly familiar but epic scaled courtroom, half-filled with all kinds of beings some of whom I felt I could identify from my wide knowledge of mythical and as I now realise not so fictional creatures. Svipdagr led me to what I presume to be the defendants' box before closing it behind me and moving to the side.

From my limited second-hand knowledge of courts, mainly gained from tv shows, in front of me where I expected to see two tables each with a pair of chairs, one for the defence and the other the prosecution I instead found just a single table with a single unoccupied chair. The judge's bench was where I expected to find it as was the witness box but there was no sign that a jury would play any part in what was coming. I had no idea if that was a good thing or bad thing but I was sure I was about to find out.

Or so I thought but after a long period of inactivity during which it seemed everyone else was frozen in place, I begin to wonder if it was all a nightmare or maybe I was actually in hell and this was my eternal torment, endlessly waiting for something to happen that never would. I soon realised that they were simply waiting for whoever was supposed to occupy the table in front of me to show up.

The Judge who according to the earlier announcement was an Egyptian sounding Goddess called Nehmetawy appeared to be getting more impatient every minute.

After what appeared to me to be just over an hour my wait was ended with the appearance of a being that you might mistake for an Angel if you were half-blind and didn't know any better. It was in fact or at least I guessed it was a being right out of Norse mythology called a Valkyrie. She was by far the most beautiful woman I had ever set my eyes upon but seemed rather cold and

"ALRUNA WHERE IS MIM WE HAVE BEEN PATIENTLY WAITING FOR HER TO APPEAR FOR OVER AN HOUR?"

"I'm am sorry m'lady but the Soothsayer has been unavoidably delayed and has sent me in her stead."

"DID SHE HAPPEN TO MENTION WHY SHE WAS DELAYED?"

"She asked me to tell you that even on the best of days fate is a fickle mistress but alas she is acting up at the moment and thus requires careful handling or anything might occur."

"HAVE YOU BEEN GIVEN ALL THE PERTINENT DETAILS OF TODAY'S PRECEDING?"

"Yes, your honour."

"WELL, IN THAT CASE, PLEASE SIT DOWN ALRUNA AND WE SHALL BEGIN."

With that, the lovely Alruna sat down and the arbitration which was to decide my fate was about to begin.

"WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY TO DECIDE THE FATE OF THE RECENTLY DEPARTED SOUL OF ONE AED MAAS. ON MOST OCCASIONS THIS WOULD BE SIMPLE MATTER, HE WOULD BE HANDED OVER TO THE REGULATORY AUTHORITY OF HIS GIVEN BELIEF STRUCTURE FOR THEM TO HANDLE.

WITH HIM BEING AN ATHEIST AND A SECOND GENERATION ONE AT THAT HIS SOUL WOULD USUALLY BE TOSSED INTO THE PIT OF THE ETERNAL ABYSS.

HOWEVER, AFTER A CENTURY OF NEGOTIATION THE VARIOUS REGULATORY AUTHORITIES OF THE DIFFERENT BELIEF STRUCTURES HAVE FINALLY AGREED TO THE THIRD REVISION OF THE VARIOUS AGREEMENTS MADE BY THE FIRST COUNCIL OF DIVINITIES, EONS AGO.

WE ARE HERE TO FIND OUT IF THE DISPOSITION OF HIS SOUL IS AFFECTED BY ANY OF THESE REVISIONS OR ANYTHING ELSE FOR THAT MATTER. TO DO SO ALRUNA, STANDING IN FOR THE SOOTHSAYER MIM, WILL READ THE PATH OF HIS LIFE FROM BIRTH TO DEATH. TO DO SO SHE, UNLIKE HER MENTOR I MIGHT ADD, MUST FIRST ASK HIM A FEW QUESTIONS TO ESTABLISH A CONNECTION WITH HIS SOUL TO BEGIN THE PROCESS.

BAILIFF PLEASE ESCORT AED TO THE SOUL CHAMBER AND ONCE HE IS IN POSITION AND SHE IS READY ALRUNA CAN BEGIN THE PROCESS."

And with that Svipdagr transferred me to what I had thought was the Witness Box but a was actually a Soul Chamber, whatever that was. Nearly the whole of the chamber was covered in carved inscriptions that I couldn't make heads or tails as was the chair I was sitting on. I was able to get a good look at some of them before the questions started and I don't think there was any sign of repetition in the inscriptions but that was about all I could figure out about them.

Alruna started chanting five minutes or so after I was moved and this went on for a while during which I was slowly put into a sleep-like trance somewhat like a hypnotist would. In this trance, I was incapable of lying and really wanted to answer whatever was asked.

"What is your name?"

"Aed Maas."

"Is that the name you were born with, and if not what is it?"

"No, the name on my birth certificate is Atticus Edward Maas."

"Date of Birth?

"11/04/2020"

"Age at death?"

"32"

"Religious Affiliation?"

"None"

"Occupation?"

"Blues Musician"

"Place of residence?"

"112 Cheviot Way, Hexham"

"Earliest Memory?"

"Listening to the radio with my Grandfather before he died."

"Last relationship?"

"Broke up with my girlfriend Of five years, Alice last November"

"And finally, what's twelve divided by two, multiplied by seven, plus fifty-two?"

"94"

With that last question, I fully lost consciousness and woke up again an unknown time later and was then lead back to the defendants' box by Svipdagr.

"ALRIGHT AED, ALRUNA WAS ABLE TO GET A GOOD READ ON YOU AND THANKS TO IT WE DISCOVERED TWO FACTOR THAT WILL EFFECT YOUR FATE, I WILL LET HER EXPLAIN THEM TO YOU."

"The first of the two is what we are calling the one-hour ruling which states that those who in the hour before their deaths have thought about a specific God may, if not believing otherwise, be treated as if they believe in that God Belief system and thus be referred to the relevant Regulatory Authority. The second is that I was unable to determine the actual cause of your death, yes you were hit by something but what that something was I cannot tell."

I was able to understand both of these points, at least in principle however it took me some time to remember which God I had been thinking about in the hour before my death.

"Fifty-four minutes before your demise your thoughts turned to the God Quetzalcoatl and then did so again five minutes later when you found out your answer to a question in the pub quiz was correct. While this falls within the letter of the law it's spirit is another matter.

The real problem with it, however, is that the God in question and the rest of its pantheon for that matter were destroyed shortly before Cortés was born. Thus it will not be possible for you to be judged by them so we are it seems left with no viable alternative to the Abyss.

As to the cause of your death, it is not often that we are unable to determine such and thus it must be investigated but that matter is not purely for this Court to decide so others must be consulted.

After this consultation the Goddess Nehmetawy will take all these factors into account and then decide your fate, this Court is now adjourned until the decision has been reached."