1 Escaped death

Sitting on the edge of a building thinking of so many ways to kill myself. I have already tried walking in front of a moving bus, slitting my wrist with a knife ,and many others, nothing seems to work. I'm tired of living, my life feels like a loop hole. Everyday feels sicken.

still sitting on the edge,i took a glass bottle and threw it down. It fell so far, it shattered into so many pieces when it finally reached the ground. I looked down gauging the height of the building and the sizes of the broken bottle pieces, they were all in grains. It's now or never,I thought getting up from my sitting position. I looked down at the ground anticipating what I should do next, should I fall facing forward or maybe facing backwards, I thought. I brought a foot out about to fall forward,when someone spoke. " My my, you aren't a coward after all? So you actually want to jump?".

I turned to see a tall light skinned man, his skin looked pale. too pale, I thought. It looked as if he didn't have blood flow through his body. He looked in his early thirties, not to old not to young. He had silver hair and black pupils,looking into them felt like a black hole. I felt so uncomfortable staring into his eyes, cause I felt if I stared longer than expected I might disappear. But who was this man,I had never seen him before.

He wasn't normal, because any sane person wouldn't just stand and watch a girl trying to attempt suicide. Was he mentally unstable, or did he derive pleasure from seeing people go down. I felt my curiosity eating up inside so I asked, "Aren't you gonna try and stop me or something?". "Nah.. what your doing is none of my business. Go on then",he replied in a excited time placing both his hands in his pocket. That answered my question. Before he placed his hands in his pocket, I caught a glimpse of them. His nails were painted black and they were some writings on his fingers. Maybe he liked finger tattoos, I thought

"why are you here then?" I asked carefully turning towards his direction fully. I have never met this man nor have I seen him before, how did he know I was here?, i asked myself. I come here so often but never have I seen him before. "my sixth sense told me I'd find some one here, so I came. Most times I come to see people planning on taking their life but bail out at the last second, It's so annoyingly frustrating. But you did, you actually wanted to go through with it, I want to see if you'll actually jump or bail like the rest" he said with a quirky smile, staring right at me. His black eyes made me feel even more uncomfortable, but Interesting, at least I have someone who approves of my decision,I thought turning around to face other way. I turned my head back to ask who he was, but he wasn't there anymore. Honestly if it was some other time when i haven't seen enough of life, i would have been scared to the bone. i've seen a fair amount of life, this is nothing. I closed my eyes, feeling the breeze pass through my hair, "No turning back",I said taking a step forward.

Gush of wind flew through my hair and face,I was already finding it hard to breathe. It felt like I would die before I reached the ground, because I had been falling for a long while and I felt suffocated. I could feel myself loosing consciousness but was woken up with the impact my body made with the ground. it felt so bad, the pain was so unbearable. I felt warm liquid touching my body, I opened my eyes to see it was my blood. I could feel blood dripping from my head and hands, my wrist was bent backwards, bruises all over my legs. I wasn't able to move any of my body parts, I felt paralyzed.

All I could do was watch, that wasn't easy to. I could barely keep my eyes open, Is this it? Will I finally die?, I asked myself in relief. I heard footsteps of people rushing towards me, I used the little strength I had to open my eyes. So many different facial expressions and comments.

"OH MY GOD!! how did this happen?" someone asked

"Maybe she was pushed" another replied.

"maybe it was a suicide attempt".

"Is she alive?".

"I don't know let me check her pulse" someone said, while placing his finger on my wrist.

"she is alive, she's still breathing".

"she survived a fall of that height, it's a miracle" someone said. I wasn't able to keep my eyes open, the pain i felt in my head only grew,I felt so weak. The pain was so unbearable, I felt the pain for a while before everywhere went dark.

I could feel light shining on my eyes, I felt so frustrated I wanted to sleep more, I squinted my eyes to see a blue light shining directly above me. I couldn't move my body at all, I was in cast from head to toe and also administered drip. The orphanage I stayed in took care of the bills, I was discharged from hospital nine months after being brought in, surprisedly I healed fast. Those months I stayed in the hospital was hell.

Countless times I was baselessly scolded, insulted and tormented by the head mistress. The most annoying part was I couldn't move my body, so I couldn't cover my ears or turn my head. She'd always tell me how peaceful the orphanage was before I came and how all I brought was bad luck, she'd always ask why I survived the accident, I felt miserable. i can't live or die in peace, neither can I stay in the hospital in peace. I was finally being discharged from the hospital after nine months of hell, the head mistress came for her final torment before she'd continue at the orphanage.

"You little misfortune, a nuisance to the society, all you do is cause trouble",she said looking at me with plain disgust. "You've finally been discharged to rake havoc at the orphanage once again,God have mercy on my poor soul",she said dramatically raising her both hands in the air. I stood up from the bed and limped to the door, by leg wasn't fully healed. "Why would I ever want to go back there? you've only treated me like a slave, infact a slave would be thankful not to leave my life. I'd rather fend for myself than die there.

the memories of how she would make me do all the chores while the others played, gave me so little portion of food or sometimes non at all. Some days the older kids would lock me up in the dark store room for hours if not days, even if I went to report I'd be ignored. No one deserves to live this way.

"That's wonderful news, I can actually have peace of mind knowing a cursed child isn't going to be with me in that orphanage. A great burden being relieved" she rejoiced placing her hands on her chest. "honestly i wish you died along side your parents in that car crash, we wouldn't have to struggle the way we are now" she said with so much hatred, what have I done to deserve this?, I asked myself. I couldn't take anymore of her insults, so I spoke up. "Shut up! just shut your mouth".

"Excuse me?", she asked in disbelieve and shock. "I've taken enough of your insults and torture, but I'm fed up with you bad mouthing my parents. My parents were my pillar of happiness and they still are, I don't want such clean name to be impure with your bad tongue. Keep the stupid orphanage to your self, cause im not coming back", I poured out with no regrets, she needed to know, Im no longer the pushover she once knew.

The look on the head mistress face said she was dumfounded, because I have never raised my voice nor complained about anything, or about the way she treated me. I opened the door, looking back at that witch for the last time, I walked out of the room and slammed the door shut. On my way outside of the hospital, I broke down in tears. I went to one of the allies close to the hospital, I sat on the floor crying my eyes out. For years I've been grieving the loss of my parents,all she did was rub salt to my already open wound. No more, No more insults, no more torture. "I might want to die, but not through her" I said in tears standing up, I wiped my tears then walked away.