1 01

Being hopeful was something Seokjin deemed as useless, there wasn't much left for him to hope for as he kept re-reading the godforsaken email he just received at the ass-crack of dawn. Trying to process his thoughts at this hour was already tough that he was suddenly struck with the realisation that he will be needing to find a new job, ignoring all the unread 'happy new year' messages he had in his inbox he quickly opened Taehyung's contact to check up on him- only to see the tons of selfies and updates about his whereabouts he has sent while being out with his friends for the celebration.

Tae baby : i will sleep at chim's as its late and you will eat my head off for being on road while tipsy, heres my beautiful face to ease your worries seoki <3

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Seokjin smiled a little at the last message and the selfie he sent, him with his hair ruffled and messy while having rosy blush on his cheeks thanks to the alcohol. The smile was turned into a frown as soon as he was reminded of why even was he awake in the first place.

Seokjin sighed, 'that one day I decide to sleep early I am greeted with the fact that I will be unemployed right before the sunrise?' He stayed in bed for another hour to gather his thoughts, somehow finding a ways to blame himself about his job when it was clearly stated by the head of his department that the company being on the verge of bankruptcy had them dismantling few departments, which included Seokjin's.

'At least I have a recommendation letter from him, I guess not calling out his bullshit all those time got me on his good side.' Seemingly done with all his morning routine he walked up to the fridge contemplating over if he should eat or not, not having an appetite but still taking out the small packet of strawberries and putting a glass of milk to warm in the microwave. He sighs out aloud this time while shoving the berries in his mouth and scrolling on his phone trying to figure out if he should to apply to a firm right away or just stay unemployed for a few days.

He was scared of unfamiliarity, hated it, there was never a time unfamiliar situations brought him peace or even an ounce of happiness. That constant fear of not having an idea about what the fuck is actually going on with your life has never been plesant for anyone. He took it upon himself to never end up in unfamiliar situation.

It was surprising to find him without any idea of what he will be doing now, he needed a break but he didn't want that break too, he knows he will be needing to get a job because even if his own student debt is paid he didn't wish to have his brother do just any job to get that debt off his back. He had dreams, unlike Seokjin.

Heaving a big sigh, Seokjin moved back to his room deciding that he would be spending this day as any man would in his mid twenties- doing nothing. It didn't take much long for him to fall asleep while scrolling through the internet for job vacancies, surprisingly he found quite a lot of good positions available and suitable to him. 'It doesn't hurt to apply even if the chances are slim.' By the time he was feeling drowsy he had applied in nearly five firms and two entertainment agencies.

Seokjin was woken awake by the commotion in the apartment, "Taehyung? What time did you even come back?" Followed by "Seokie wait right there!!!" He was still very much sleepy so Taehyung asking him to not move went unquestioned, "hey, how are you feeling right now?" Tae walked into his room with a bowl of soup and worry written all over his face. Seokjin was confused as to why he was getting taken care of right now.

"Thank you, babybear. But why? Is there something special today?" Jin wondered while sitting up straight and narrowed his eyes on his brother "Did you break something? I swear if this is for you trying to evade your dish washing duty tonight then I am breaking your nose-" "oh please, you never sleep in on afternoons. I made the soup coz your bitchass looks sick" Taehyung interrupted Jin while giving him an incredulous look.

Jin melted at that, smiling so wide it hurt. I don't need him to care for me but it does feel so nice, swallowing an obvious sob he finished the soup while Tae sat in front of him fussing about his health and talking about his day in between. "I don't have work today, I didn't know what else to do other than laying down." Smiling lightly at his brother as his expressions went from confused to worried to excited in a matter of second, "Then lets spend the day together!!"

"We are together everyday." With a smack on Jin's shoulder Tae pulled him to his feet to get him to change out of his pyjamas, "That doesn't count, SPEND the day with me, no debates on this." Seokjin laughed while putting on his hoodie and favourite ripped jeans.

"I might be able to spend tomorrow with you too, I think I need a week long break." Seokjin states while taking out his favourite lychee juice bottle and stabbing in the straw into the petite bottle, sipping quietly he looked towards his brother who looked as if he was about to have a mental breakdown. "If you are feeling sick you can always say no to me, seokie- how are you feeling right now? I am such a bad brother oh my god-"

"I am not sick, dumbass. I haven't taken time out to relax and chill since so long, it was due few years I guess?" He tried to explain while omitting the fact that he feels like taking a week break influenced by his state of unemployment, "Anyway, you always seem to be buried in fuck ton of work everyday so I am incharge of you for a week to make sure you are enjoying." Taehyung smiled wide while continuing "and thats final, I don't take criticism."

Seokjin knew how his week would go, he knew his brother very well. They will spend the time doing things Jin has never even thought of and that would be including multiple childish ventures he didn't had a will to in his college. Despite the emotional exhaustion he felt he didn't have the heart to refuse his brother time, 'I have already been unavailable for him, this will be the bare minimum.'

Often times we distance ourselves from anything we might consider fun and enjoyable under the excuse of 'eh I don't feel like it' whereas it is, us making the decisions to deprive ourselves of small joys as we deem ourselves not deserving of that small ounce of calm or happiness.

It was a common occurrence that Seokjin found himself not indulging in anything that isn't work related, resulting in having that constant dim in his daily routine. Whenever people his age approached with the intent of being friends or even anything more than that, he refused to let loose and live.

There was a constant 'I don't need this to exist' that always rang in his ears whenever he found himself pondering over his social life or love life or life in general.

With a week worth of time to himself, the first thing he felt was fear. Fear of being alone for so long with nothing but his thoughts. The second emotion that fled into him was regret, wistful thinking, he kept pondering over the 'what ifs'; about how he could have started his new job as soon as in three days if he had wanted and not having to feel any of this.

He found himself being tired of everything, tired of his own train of thought that was hell bent on never taking a halt.

"I am hungry, lets get some burgers." Taehyung suggested as he sat beside Seokjin who has been knee deep in his thoughts while eating the big cotton candy he secured from the stall few minutes ago when Taehyung very stubbornly left for the rollercoaster alone "The rollercoaster was crazy you should have came along" he frowned as Jin nodded along.

"I wouldn't want to be the topic on which the staff here bitch on breaks, how would you feel about 'the strikingly handsome dude who emptied his guts after one ride and ruined the fun' nahh- thats way too embarrassing for me."

"Shut up, who told you to come with me empty stomach? Could have had a heavier breakfast than those damn strawberries and milk."

"I am hungry right now so can you please move your ass back to the care so we can get those burgers?" Seokjin changed the subject while getting up, its not like Jin forces himself to have a light breakfast, he actually likes his routined breakfast very much. Some of his habits from college stayed with him, strawberries for breakfast being one of those.

It didn't take too long for them to reach the McD, soon they were in their car with their orders. One McEgg burger and ice tea for Jin while McPaneer burger and milkshake for Taehyung, they settled for fries to go with their meals as well. They ate in silence as to no-one's surprise they were both very hungry.

"Why don't you ever get strawberry milkshake or anything strawberry flavoured as you seem to be obsessed with them."

"You understand right that strawberry and strawberry flavour taste very different? One is sweet and sour while the other is sickly sweet and I fucking hate the overly sweet smell of strawberry flavoured things." Seokjin finished his burger with that, wiping his hands and looking for the sanitiser in car while Taehyung seemed to have a look on his face which could have been deciphered as 'my whole life has been a lie'.

"Thats fucking dumb tho, they should probably just go with calling it sweet candy flavour instead."

"I have been wondering about that too but who know what kind of logic we will find there."

"Never knew I would be out here feeling bad for the undeservingly bad rep a fucking fruit has."

Them having discussions which lacked any sense of directions wasn't new, it was there routine for each Sunday. Sitting down, eating and talking. But doing the same on a weekday felt different- dare he say good. Sunday has always been the only day Seokjin looked forward to, having the same set emotions on another day felt special. 'Any day I spend with him is going to be special.'

Seokjin decided to prepare a bit special dinner for them, making egg fried rice and vegetable cutlets. He was done with it in half an hour, "Do you want to have soup too?" He asked while setting the table, "I think I will be very much full by these only." Taehyung sat while eagerly taking a bite from each and letting out a satisfied hum. Seokjin joined him and liked the mild spiciness of the dishes.

"I forgot to tell you that I transferred your pocket money for this month to your account"

"You already buy all the shit I need, I can manage on my part time job's salary, seokie."

"I know, I know, I am glad I don't have a younger brother who is irresponsible with money but I am allowed to send you allowances. I feel at peace knowing you have extra money on you."

"You should use it instead, seokie. I rarely see you buy anything fancy."

"I don't need it tho, what will I do with something fancy when my shit works fine?"

"You don't have to NEED something to have it in your life, bitch. I don't need to dye my hairs purple but I will coz I feel like it."

"Yeah, yeah"

Taehyung knew there was no way Jin would stop giving him monthly allowances to spend on accessories which he usually wouldn't be thinking about if he had to go with the amount he earns by the part time jobs he takes.

He felt thankful for everything, he has no reason not to. There have been times where he had noticed his brother struggling to make the ends meet, over-working himself till sickness or skipping meals till he had to shove the food in to get the energy stay awake. He dismissed it with him being 'passionate' for his job.

When he started understanding more about life, he noticed how wrong he was. Passionate can never be the word he would be using for his brother when it came to his job. He started noticing signs of how much a hell it is for him, but that didn't stop Jin from putting a smile on and kissing his cheek everyday before going to work and sleep.

"You are the best. Thank you for being the best." His brother had never failed from saying these exact words on every birthday, 'him and his cheesy-ass lines'. He knew his brother wasn't very fond of talking about feelings but always tried to tell taehyung that he appreciates him everyday.

Taehyung hasn't always been aware of how much Seokjin actually does for him to live peacefully without any worries. It was what? Midnight probably, he had extra assignments that day, it had him pulling an all-nighter. That day was the first time he saw Jin breakdown and cry, he was scared that if he made his presence known to him Jin would blame himself for breaking down.

He saw how hard Jin cried that night, Taehyung quietly closed his bedroom door and sat there, waiting, just in case if his brother has an anxiety attack he would be able to know and help. The sound of older's broken sobs broke his heart, he felt his own heart clench at the realisation that his brother must have been on the brink of his limits to have broken down this badly in the kitchen.

Remembering how much Jin pesters him to make quality friends whom he can be honest with and lean on for support when Jin wont be available, realising how alone his brother must be, how isolated he actually is. That moment he realised he had never actually been there for his brother other than just becoming his responsibility.

He took it upon himself, promising his mother 'Mumma, I will do everything, I will become seokie's support pillar so that he wont feel like he is fighting alone.' he felt thankful that he had a brother this great, with the promise floating in his head he fell asleep on the floor where he sat.

That day was still fresh in his system.

Taehyung strived to have his brother enjoy his week off.

"Okay so tomorrow we are going shopping, the shit you use is so old that it fascinates me how even are you making it work." He announced clapping his hands as if to make a point, taking the empty dishes to wash while Seokjin let out a strangled whine showing his disapproval, the adult way. 'He can really give a toddler good competition when it comes to whining'.

"Its a talent of mine. I have okay-okay stuff, asshole." With that Seokjin decided to turn on the television, stopping at the one where a documentary about mutations in living organisms. Reading about different topics helped him distract himself from everything and after a time he started to enjoy it very much. "I am already tired of these biology related shit please select another documentary"

"but I haven't watched one about mutations ever before, Tae"

"Jimin eats my ears out about random topics he had learnt that day in his classes"

"Your best friend is studying biology related course?"

"He is studying medicine and that fuckers uses me as his notes app, talking about what he learnt to make sure he remembers."

Seokjin laughed at his brother's obvious misery, changing the documentary to a generic sitcom. It didn't take long for him to feel himself getting sleepier, with a quiet " 'm heading to bed" he lifted himself up from the couch, petting Taehyung's head and leaving a light kiss on his cheek he moved towards his room while mumbling something about him sleeping till afternoon as he is very tired along "good night".

Taehyung smiled at his brother, 'he didn't even wait for me to give him a good night kiss, he must be exhausted' Taehyung was never a big fan of cheek kisses but thats one of the only ways Seokjin shows his affection to him since the day they were toddlers, at first the 'if you appreciate your brother, show him' rule was put to work to avoid them not getting along in future.

He remembers his mother worrying about them not getting along back then so she made it a compulsory rule to give goodnight kisses and holding hands whenever they are fighting. They used to fight so much yet at night their arguments used to dissolve whenever they were made to hold hands or kiss each other's cheeks.

"Showing your family member that you appreciate them is nothing to feel shy about." His mother told him when he was in high school, he feels thankful about that now. Also because he knows there are times when his brother need affirmations, he is glad there are ways he can tell his brother that he appreciates him without having to state it.

Smiling a little, he moved towards his room while messaging Jimin that he will not be able to meet him tomorrow after his classes.

To, Chim : ayyyy seokie has few days off so i will be running back to home as soon as my classes are done, justing letting you know coz you would have def spammed me w "your ass got kidnapped?" again.

Within few minutes he got a reply from him asking if his brother is alright and that he owes him a treat to coffee.

It was quiet, the silence wasn't loud after a long time, it was so close the the feeling of calm. The place was still very much cold as it was January, it will take few months for the summer to be in action and Seokjin wasn't the one complaining because he found himself in love with winters.

Jin smiled to himself, today was uneventful yet good. Going to an amusement park, eating fast food, that huge-ass cotton candy he devoured in mere minutes, walking around the park while having his brother tell him about his college life and friends, everything was... good.

His smile fell as soon as he remembered how much at loss of words he felt when Taehyung had asked him about his daily life and friends, how he was rendered speechless when asked to talk about himself, how he felt his nerves rise so high that he could barely manage a simple "not much, just fine". His brother was quick to take over the conversation yet again and divert Seokjin's attention away from wherever it went and had him look so conflicted.

Its not an unknown fact that Taehyung knows how much Jin isn't living and just flowing along life instead. He knows his brother isn't spontaneously flowing along life, he is rather aware of how Jin is flowing along life because he doesn't want to do anything more than necessary to exist for himself.

Our brain tries to protect us from hurting ourselves, it also applies to emotions. We naturally feel the want to avoid something that will be painful for us, may it be physical or emotional.

Distancing oneself from moments which may have one feeling a totally different and unfamiliar set of emotions that they aren't used to instills emotions such as confusion mixed with fear, not realising whats and whys of the situation, they will feel scared of losing the feeling of these unfamiliar emotions.

Have someone who never had someone treat them with respect meet a person who is kind to them, it would drive them crazy wondering why are they feeling what they are feeling for that person and how much scared they feel to let go of those emotions.

Whenever Seokjin let himself feel small joys, he later found himself craving those moments again and again, he hated that. The 'post-happy' time. He concluded that he doesn't need much other than his brother being content and happy, he enjoys his time with Taehyung no matter how little time they get to spend with each other. Those set of smiles he lets out when with Taehyung are enough to get him through weeks and often times months.

He made sure to check his mails the first thing when he woke up, there were a bunch of junk mails and promotional ones too, he found two firms accepting his application and having scheduled an interview but there were a few red flags he looked for in one email and these both had a few of them in it.

One was "to check your intelligence and discuss your position, manager for accounts department" and the other was "we have a general manager position available for you, work your way up" , both made offers which were lower than what seokjin's last job was. Seokjin knew he can afford to reject these offers as his last job paid enough to warrant his stability for a year, he was hoping to hear back from the entertainment agencies as he hated how these firms worked and he needed a change in his way of living.

Not responding to both the mails, he kept them as a back up to if he didn't hear back from entertainment agencies he would accept one of them and bargain.

He sighed and checked the time and was pleased to see that he slept for twelve hours as that explains why his body felt so relaxed. Stretching in his bed and laying there for a few minutes as he put 'Brian Boru by Cécile Corbel' to play as he stared at the ceiling till the track was done playing for the third time.

It helped him clear his head, some songs calmed him down when he didn't know whats wrong or what he is feeling.

He appreciates music. He has always been somewhat glad there were ways he could calm down or have a momentum to have his thought sorted.

Refusing to admit the obvious emotions he often felt surge through him, he stubbornly moved forward to do his morning routine and freshening up.

He was about to get up from the kitchen counter where he sat to finish his breakfast as Taehyung walked in from the main door looking as if he was racing his way back home, giving him a sweet smile he threw the backpack on the count and sprawled next to it. "You look well rested, when did you wake up?" Seokjin hummed "A bit after 12 pm. Why do you look like you were running for your life?" He questioned him as he walked towards the couch to flop himself on there as well.

"My classes are done for the day and I thought you would have been stirred awake in early hours as a force of habit." Jin didn't quite understand what he meant by that being the reason he rushed back home, "so you came running to my rescue?" Raising an eyebrow while glancing at now calmed Taehyung. "Of course, what kind of brother would I have been to leave my favourite bitch to be bored to death when he is supposed to enjoy the break?"

"I am not your bitch, dickhead." He tried to hide his smile, failing at it though, while smacking younger on the head who just laughed at that.

"Yeah, Yeah and my ass is flat. Get up, we about to leave for our shopping trip in few minutes." Taehyung said while running to his room as the older threw a pillow at him which now plopped on the floor.

Seokjin settled on another one of his over sized hoodies and the same jeans he wore yesterday, putting on a baseball cap. Unplugging his phone from charger he checked his mails one last time as he heard Taehyung yell his name to get out, 'he is surely on time when it comes to shit like this'

They both were content with walking around in the mall looking at one store or the other, or thats what Jin thought because it wasn't long till he had his brother whining about how he isn't actually agreeing to go into any of the store. Which to some extent was right as he didn't feel like going in when he knew that he wouldn't be buying anything there, BUT Jin was not completely opposing the idea of looking around for more stores which, in his brother's words, 'would tickle his fancy'.

Despite older's wish, he was dragged into the electronic section where his brother didn't even ask him for suggestion to what he would like to use or change to, "You don't know shit about technology shut the fuck up, seokie." And he couldn't help but agree with the younger.

He still used his iPad which doesn't even let him open a pdf without crying for help, his laptop was over a decade old which wouldn't even sell for a good amount and his phone was... umm, holding itself fine. No comments.

After Taehyung asking the staff about different models and colour options, he finalised one of each item Seokjin uses for work and adding a set of wireless earphones "How can you not have even one working set of earphones? Listen to some music my guy. Playing songs on phone once every few weeks isn't enough" Taehyung took the bags and patted Seokjin on the shoulder as if to say 'Its okay' after spending his money on gadgets he would be needing to learn and adapt to. Little shit.

One of the few reasons why he didn't switch to newer versions was that would have had to transfer his stuff from each device while also having to get used to the new ones which take weeks. He is impatient when it comes to getting used to electronics.

Younger insisted on buying new casual t-shirts which Seokjin could wear to work under his blazer as business casual and are definitely more comfortable. Jin was amazed by the stamina his brother had when it came to shopping, it had been hours since they have been waking around and his brother seemed to be even more energised than before.

By the time they were settled in their car, they had like eight shopping bags. From electronics to t-shirts and matching outfits as stated "Siblings in matching outfits is a must" and he hasn't been abiding by the law of sibling dressing in the same looking dress. Having made aware of how much of a big law he was breaking he agreed on getting two of them, resulting in a very happy Taehyung hugging him while repeating how good of a brother he is and how he loves him.

"I am exhausted and if you make me go somewhere else I will deck you in the face." Seokjin plopped his ass on the passenger seat and immediately felt better, his legs were now aching from walking for so long without much time to sit.

Taehyung laughed and agreed on that, the drive back home was mostly silent as they both were equally tired and didn't feel like moving their mouths. "Lets dye our hairs tomorrow!" Taehyung suggested as they both were seated and having dinner, "oh come on, you have had black hairs since what? Your birth. Change them to blonde at least?" Still Seokjin was adamant on not changing them.

"I still have to go to work starting next week, no matter when I get the new job." Not noticing his own slip up, he took another bite from his rice whereas younger gaped at him, 'new job? seokie is looking for a new one?' He was confused but as he thought about it, it made sense why his brother was on this sudden week long break and had slept in during the afternoon two days ago having a mild fever which he himself didn't realise.

"Why didn't you tell me that before, seokie?"

"Hmm, what?"

"That you are looking for a new job?" Jin felt his nerves pick up, he felt panic build inside, refusing to meet Taehyung's eyes knowing very well his brother will have concern and hurt written all over his face. Taking another bite and mumbling, "It wasn't that important."

"I guess letting me know what goes on in your life wasn't important too right?" He scoffed, chugging down the leftover soup, "I should start being like you from now right? It would be only be fair then." He stood up to put his bowl and glass in the sink, starting to wash them knowing it was his duty today, holding the tears which were so close to flowing but he stubbornly kept them at bay even if his eyes felt an irritated itch.

"What do you mean by that Taehyung?" Seokjin tried to monitor his tone and failed at it as the anger and irritation was very evident in it. "I would have told you about it once I accepted another job offer by the end of this week-" "-FOR WHAT? Why did you felt the need to hide instead of telling me right away when I came back from college."

"Are you still scared of me crying like a kid at that?" Taehyung was failing to keep his voice from raising, "Do you really think I can not handle shit like that? For fuck's sake Seokjin put some faith in me sometimes!?" He could feel himself crossing that line he often stopped at whenever confronting his brother about anything, he found himself crossing that line without hesitation today; he was tired of Jin not trusting him enough to handle things.

It had been long since Taehyung referred to him with his name instead of his nickname, he felt the name stab a wound in him he didn't know would be possible. "Thats not what I mean-" "-then what exactly did you mean? You felt uncomfortable telling me you don't have a job? I don't think so" Seokjin knows where this is heading and he doesn't like it one bit; he knew damn well that he was wrong for not telling Taehyung about being fired but he don't want his brother to think it was because he thought he was not mature enough to handle things.

"I was gonna tell you later, Taehyung. Please- I just felt like telling you when I would be on a new job would be better."

"That makes me feel so much better, thank you. The fuck you wanted me to react like? Huuh?"

"Please-" "-NO! Jin you know it very well, my reaction by the end of the week would have been the fucking same-oh, by the looks of it you were expecting that too? what will it take for you to not hesitate from leaning onto me for support, Jin? What exactly would have you trusting me with your problems? What." Taehyung continues not letting him speak as he knew his brother had known damn well how it will go, he couldn't stop his tears from falling now.

"Just tell me why, I am willing to work on myself. Why? Am I not good enough right now? It is because I am over sensitive or I don't know? Dumb? Do I still make you cry at nights?" He asked through his tears, the last question rendering Seokjin speechless. "Why would you make me cry? Baby, you are more than enough, please, Taehyung you are the only reason I feel good coming back home. I am the dumb one between us, not you." He moved forward to hold younger's face in his hands wiping the tears.

"Taehyung... babybear, you were never the reasons I cried." His heart ached seeing his brother not believe these words, "You never will be one." his eyes stilling looking for lies in Seokjin's. "I am telling the truth, please, believe me." Taehyung refused to take his words as truth; closing his eyes and masking his face into an expression which was so close to indifference that the stab he felt at his heart few moments ago was now numb due to pain.

"Okay, can you please move? I have assignments to complete." Forcing himself away from his brother, Taehyung treaded towards his room, slamming the door shut he felt his body tremble and as if that was a cue the tears started streaming down his face again.

He felt bad but knew that this argument had been long due since couple of months, he hated having his brother not trusting him enough, hated how he tried so much to have him lean on him for support. He tried to move away but his legs give up as he was now sat in the corner of his room, he couldn't stop the tears no matter how much he wiped them away, no matter how much cursed himself for crying so easily. No matter what.

"I couldn't even keep my promise, a simple fucking promise... sorry mom, I am yet to become someone he will see as a strong partner." He murmured when he saw the photo frame he once hung on the wall, his mother and brother hugging him.

He was frustrated, not understanding what he should do now. He knew he had to sit and talk with Seokjin again about this but right now he wanted nothing more than sleep to avoid his train of thoughts.

As if god was trying to fuck with him even more, he just couldn't fall asleep. After several position changes, shuffling through multiple songs from his sleep playlist, hugging a different teddy bear, nothing seemed to lull him to sleep even if he had his body and mind both were so exhausted that it felt heavy to every stay still.

He was in middle of changing the song as the door creaked open, a very dishevelled looking Seokjin stood there, "Are you awake?" "No, I am asleep right now obviously." He answered not giving older a chance to speak he continued, "Why are you standing at the entrance to my room, Jin?" Seokjin felt another stab wound opening listening to his brother's indifferent and emotionless tone "I was checking up on you-"

He was interrupted by a scoff, "Please, Jin, don't. I don't have the energy to argue right now, I don't want listen to the same excuse right now-" "-will you let me speak!?" Seokjin slammed his hand on the door "I don't know since when you started harbouring the idea of me not trusting you enough with my problems but let me clear some things out at-least?" He saw Taehyung close his eyes again, fearing that the younger will mask his emotions yet again.

"Listen, no, its never that I don't trust you enough. I feel unfair dumping my problems on you. I feel like I am doing you wrong if I do that... have you bear the weight of my issues."

"Did you ask me that? Did the thought of sharing your problems with me ever cross your mind?" Seokjin's answering silence was enough to break Taehyung to tears yet again "Please, tell me why, Please, seokie, I want to know why because it has been eating me since so long" losing his ground, he begged his brother. "Please-" Jin felt his heart twist at the sight, quick on his feet he sat himself next to Taehyung and embrace his shaking frame tightly.

"You are not the reason for that, baby. You are everything I could have ever asked for, it would have made me feel guilty to even thinking of having you shoulder my shit when you are focusing on your studies. Taehyung, you are strong, you are my strength. I have faith on you, I have always had." He stroked his hairs while rubbing his back, hoping his brother understood.

"Please don't blame yourself for not knowing the shit I deliberately try to hide." He kept rubbing his back to calm him down, "I promised, I would never have you worry for anything." He felt his own tears prickle down, "Tae... I am trying, I am trying to change myself. I am trying but it becomes harder with each step, I know its not enough to have you trust me like before but I can promise you that I will change... I can not have my habits turned over within a month, I hope you will wait for your seokie to unlearn it and learn the proper way of existing."

His body ached with exhaustion, the day had drained him to the core. "I am sorry, Taehyung." "No" Taehyung shook his head with worry shining bright in his eyes "Please, don't learn how to exist, learn how to live instead." He held his brother's face in his hand, wiping his tears, "I am always here if you want me to hold you whenever you take a step towards your path. I will consider accepting my seokie's apology if you agree with that"

Taehyung could easily identify sorrows in his brother's eyes, distress of mind evident on his face, feeling thousand needles prickle his skin 'he has been suffering and I never noticed this' had guilt creeping in, 'I could have talked through with him months ahead only if I hadn't been a coward scared of losing him'.

"Seokie, you are the only one who thinks you don't deserve to be here living instead of existing." Taehyung held his face in his hands and rested his forehead onto Jin's, "You deserve so much, I hope you will think the same soon. Soon." after trying to hold back the building sob and failing at it, Seokjin decided to let it out and not try to hold his tears back, he decided to cry in his brother's arms for the first time.

Having tons of emotions floating in him at once, he tried not to ponder much over ever growing guilt he felt seeping in. He put his forehead on Taehyung's shoulder as he strokes his back and keep whispering words of encouragement. "You are not burdening me, seokie. Please do not let yourself assume anything regarding that."

He felt his shoulders relax with every single strangled sob that left his throat, he could sense his own emotions jumbling into something he hated, he always avoided them. His eyes now numb to the feeling of irritation. He felt himself realise how unfamiliar this whole situation is, how unfamiliar he was feeling right now, how right this unfamiliarity felt.

Feeling himself calm down, he tried to back away and take a look at his brother but instead had Taehyung hug him even tighter. "You are my strength too, seokie. You have always been my reason to keep going, you make me wanna be a better man." Seokjin felt his eyes dampen again, he realised how much his reckless yet selfish decisions and habits effected his brother. Shaking his head he tightened his hold on his brother even more.

"I am sorry, baby. I am really sorry for never realising and considering-" "-its okay now, its okay. I am willing to wait till the day you feel comfortable enough to do so, no matter how much I would want you to reach out to me, I will wait for you. I will wait till you unlearn and learn all the shit necessary."

"I will always wait for you. No matter what reasons you give, I will."

"Thank you, I know I am so late to be even considered deserving." He let out while clutching tightly onto him, he felt more tears prickle in his eyes. Not wanting to have Taehyung doubt himself because of him again.

"I know you will disagree with me but listen, you don't need to feel responsible for me. uh-uh-uh... NAH- don't make that face, let me finish first!! You should not be depriving yourself of fun just because you have to take care of my dumbass-" "-your words not mine" "SHHHHHH- as I was saying, I want you to know that you taking care of me and enjoying your life are two things that can coexist"

Seokjin was still wrapped around him, refusing to retreat from the comforting embrace. "I don't know much about how this 'having fun' thing works but yes, I think I will try to get myself to come around it soon" knowing very well he can not afford to work on himself just yet, some day, some day he will find it in himself to want to live. Satisfied with the answer Taehyung pulled away and kissed his forehead while wiping the last bit of tears which still cover older's cheeks.

"You look so cute right now, who knew someone so old could look so innocent" with that landing him a smack on his head he looked back at Jin smiling as he saw him crinkle his nose while mumbling "I am not even that old, I am just few years older than you yet here I have a kid calling me a hag oh my god I hate it here." Still hugging his torso with a firm grip.

Sometimes all we need is a moment, a simple moment to realise everything. The first step isn't to 'change', it is 'accepting'. Accepting your mistakes, decisions, choices, everything that makes you yourself. A simple and kind gesture to yourself.

Laying there, Taehyung wondered if he will be able to take the next step. If he is strong enough to do so. He laid there awake for what felt like an hour, the sleep he had gotten was short yet deep. He felt well rested and hoped his brother will do too.

Trying to scurry off of the bed, he tried getting out of Seokjin's hold. Keyword - "tried". 'This guy, I swear- why is he stronger than me' with a huff he gave up on the idea of starting the day and relaxed in the hold. Sleep took over him very quickly.

There isn't a place that feels like home, it has always been the emotions and people we attach with the memory of the place where we feel at ease.

Somewhere while growing up, making ends meet Seokjin had multiple individuals give him words of advice. "You will be able to do well if you are strong willed." While the idea of 'strong willed' was nothing but suppressed emotions and a cold heart. It was purely bullshit.

He knew it was bullshit but had already spent his youth abiding by that advice. Curse those old hags who ingrained this in him when he was working part time. It had been a good handful of years since when Jin realised how wrong these words were, how destructive these have been.

"Sometimes all one can do is have suppressed their feelings instead of expressing them because they fear the unfair treatment world subjects them to. It isn't healthy but it is understandable." He remembers his mother hugging him while explaining, "Seokjin... baby, if you ever want to better yourself, take baby steps. Don't try to leap in-front and hurt yourself. Life is not a race, its a never ending marathon." Seokjin had been eighteen that time.

That was the first time Jin had ever gotten into a fist fight, "Mom! my classmates are assholes. They kept provoking me throughout this year. Please believe me, I tried hard to suppress my anger but they kept testing my limits."

He did not expect his mother to address the root cause, something which even he wasn't aware himself.

Once again he found himself boarding the never ending train of thoughts. But this time the train seemed to have slowed down, after a long time he was able to see that there was an option to get off this train. Zoning back into reality he was greeted with a sight he adored with his whole heart- ice creams.

He had two bowls of ice creams in-front of him while his brother kept jumping from one movie to the other, "Just put on barbie princess charm school. This is tiring." He said while shoving a spoon full of ice cream in his mouth and nudging Taehyung. "I want to watch some other Disney movie, I have watched all barbie movies like three times because of Jimin."

"I don't care" Seokjin sang while eating his ice cream as his brother whined. They were bickering through out the movie and debating on which friend of barbie was the best or which character was a bitch.

Jin scrolled through his phone checking for any updates. He looked at his brother with wide eyes, "I think I secured a very good job offer." and hurriedly explained him about what the email consisted of, "Its like... they are offering me a position for being the head of management and also letting me know there are few more spots for different positions available for me."

"...different positions too?"

"I was the head of my department so the first offer is justified-" "-but?"

"But I think the recommendation letter from that hag did its thing? They are offering to let me lead a team of creative executives if I impress them enough-" "-and?"

"And- CAN YOU NOT DO THAT? Stop interrupting me, dickhead." Seokjin glared at Taehyung, "so.. as I was saying, if I impress them enough I will be straight away be given a project or group that is high profile. They were kinda cryptic about this one so I am confused about what I should expect."

Taehyung hummed while rubbing his chin almost comedically. "I think, what they mean by high profile will depend on which type of company are you talking about. Right?"

"Oh, Its Bighit Entertainment."

"AAh- an entertainment company? I think then it will include media and idols. They have a bunch of very famous artists so you might be assigned to their... shit? business? I don't know what the professional terminology for that might be."

Seokjin nodded, "It seems like I have an interview in two days." Taehyung jumped onto him enveloping him into a big hug and patted his head while getting up from the couch "Congrats broski, go make dinner now."

"Fuck off" Jin laughed shaking his head while getting up. The time flew by, both of them had sat there doing nothing but eating and occasionally talking about random things.

It felt light. And Jin liked it.