22 Truth

Chaos. It was chaos when Kosei, Tsubaki and Watari arrived in the hospital. Kaori is missing. Hiro and Akane are panicking. The doctors even asked some nurses to find Kaori.

'Did you want to leave us that much?!'

The three of them also helped to find their friend. It is already night but they still haven't found Kaori.

Kosei wanted to scream. He can't explain what he feels. He already went to every places he went with Kaori before but no luck. His feet feels numb because of running but he just can't give up. He can't give up thinking that the moment he stop searching for her, is the moment he accepts that he will never be able to see Kaori's smile again.

Then Kosei remember, how Kaori loves the school at night, how they went to school at night for nothing. With a fear inside his heart, he run faster to go to the the school. Kosei looked for Kaori everywhere in the school but he was unable to find even her shadow. Last place was the rooftop and if she's not there then he will move to somewhere else and look for her. He opened the rooftop door with such force and the scenario makes his heart beating stop.

Kaori is standing dangerously near the edge and one wrong move, Kaori will fall. She is behind the fence and he did not even know how she safely climb over there. Kosei cautiously went closer, he was about to send a message to his friends that he is in the school rooftop and already found Kaori but he held his breath when Kaori turned around and face him with an unfamiliar smile, her one hand is holding on the fence.

"Kao---"

"Arima Kosei" he was interrupted when Kaori called him. Her emotionless eyes earlier are now clouded with sorrow. He felt pain in his heart seeing such emotion dancing in her eyes. "Sorry. You must be disappointed with me right?" she smiled sheepishly.

"No. Never." He answered without hesitation. Kosei wants to say that he is most disappointed to himself.

"You are really an innocent person..." she smiled, "That is one of the reasons why I like you." she added

Kosei dreamt to hear those words from Kaori. He never expected that hearing those words right now brings nothing but pain for Kosei. No. He cannot accept those words.

She's saying that as if this is the last time.

Kosei looked to her eyes, "You need to live.. you have to live." he almost whispered.

She returned the intense stare, she saw the tear that fell from his eyes but she can't do anything, she avoided his gaze and Kosei feels his heart break into pieces. Slowly.

"You can be alive. I know you can. Live, please..." he sniffed, "I beg you, live." his voice stern as he became desperate to pursuade her,

"But...." she started, she finally decided to look into his eyes, Kosei's eyes that is full of life, full of colour.

He waited for her answer but he knows that she's hesitating and he's scared to know why,

"But what?" he prompted

She smiled, a bitter one, "but... I don't want to live anymore.." she whispered, her voice sounds so tired, her eyes look so dead.

And as a lone tear fell from her eye, he closed his eyes as he felt his world crumble, asking the heavens for answers.

'Why is this happening? We were happy. We are too young. God, she's too young.'

Kosei wants to blame the heavens. He wants to blame someone. Moreover, he wants to blame himself for not noticing the signs that she's suffering. He had so much chance to save her yet he was afraid to know the truth. He purposely became ignorant to the truth while giving reasons such as he wants Kaori to open up first or nonsense reasons.

The flower petals fell and became dirt

"Kaori... Please.. I-I beg you... Give us a chance.. Please, give m-me a chance..." the tears from his eyes started to fall and they keep falling. "Everything..." he choked, "E-everything will be a-alright.."

'Please don't say that, you know how much I wanted it to end right? Please don't look at me like that, it is fine this way. Please don't comfort me, it's okay, I am fine everything will be fine. Please don't cry, I don't have enough strength to wipe those rebellious tears anymore.'

Kaori looked at him with a broken smile.

The burning passion in life became ash

"Arima Kosei, please forgive me for giving you a painful memory. If I will have to choose, I don't want you to watch me.." Kaori chuckled, "but as expected, I am still scared to do it after all."

Why good things always become like this?

"Y-you don't have do it."

But I must do it.

"Just stay. Everything is good now."

Everything will be good after this, right?

"I love you, don't leave me!" he desperately confessed. He doesn't want her to leave. Not now. Not ever.

Those words made Kaori smile, tears keeps falling. Is it from happiness? From sorrow? She doesn't even know anymore.

But Kaori smiled, like a fallen angel while tears are falling from her eyes.

"I love you too, Kosei. I love you from the start." she sobs, for a moment, Kosei was afraid that her movement will cause her fall but Kaori maintained her balance, "Ah. Hearing you say 'I love you' makes me feel that my life is not in vain. But... I am afraid that I must really leave."

Kosei shook his head in disagreement "Think about those who loves you, please!"

But she did not answer, she just continue to gave him a smile that continues to break his heart. It is as if she already accepted her fate and with that, Kosei was afraid.

"Please. I am begging you. This is not the best option."

'But Kosei, there is no best option. We only have the 'better' and this is that option.'

"I love you... I love you. I-I'm so sorry." he almost fall on his knees, his body is shaking and his vision are blurred because of tears.

"I love you too, don't be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong." she shook her head, she doesn't want him to blame himself and she decided to tell him the truth, "It's all mine. It's my fault why I ended up this way. I keep saying to the doctor that there are voices inside my head that is telling me to just die... But recently, I learned that it is not the truth. It was all a lie." after she learned the truth last night, she had the courage to kill herself. "Because you see, those voices... they are all mine."

Kosei frowned, confused.

"It was me all along who wishes to die.." Kaori chuckled as her voice cracked at the end.

Why are the things that will disappear so beautiful?

She can clearly see him trembling from the distance. Despite the circumstances she can't help but to chuckle. She can see his crying face but she never wants to make him cry. No one should be blamed but her after this. At least, someone already know the whole truth.

"Is....there really no other way?" Kosei was crying so hard that he's having a hard time to speak, his voice came out like a whisper but despite that, Kaori still manage to hear him

"There is none." she answered still smiling.

If it's possible Kosei cried hard again, almost screaming in sorrow. She knows that he wants to do something but she also know that he just can't.

Because it's already too late.

"I just.." he coughed, "I...I love you.. I really do.." he almost whispered, his hands clutching his chest as if to stop his heart from feeling the pain.

"Of course. I love you too, you know that right?" again with a smile she asked.

Maybe he's having a hard time to speak so he just nod his head again and again. Such a crybaby. Kaori chuckled.

Darkness, why do you turn everything to black?

For the last time she let her tears flow, this will the the last time she will show her emotions. She does not want to leave them behind but she doesn't want to be more selfish than she already is. It is painful to part this way. After letting all out her tears, she took a deep breath.

And with that, she moved, one step backward. Kaori saw how Kosei's eyes widen, and rushed to her side, his hand are reaching out to her but she did not take it. It was no use. There is a fence that is between them.

She doesn't want him to see her crying for the last time, so she gave him the most heart wrenching smile.

The waves will crash someday.

'God, tell me why does everything good always become like this?'

Kaori closed her eyes as she fly.