14 Truth and despair

The next day at noon I went to the local church. Milai had asked me to come. It was a good opportunity to learn more about this village and the world, so I went along with her. My body felt better- at least better than yesterday. Though the very thought of Dune teaching me, made me shiver. The guy was like the devil. In contrast, Milai was like an angel.

It was a normal church, but a very old one at that. There wasn't anything special about it apart from the fact that it could collapse at any given moment. The walls were so fragile that my legs didn't stop trembling the entire time. Or perhaps this was because I kept remembering a lot of things I shouldn't have.

I was an atheist in my own world, so I never really cared much about God's existence. I never claimed that God didn't exist, but I never believed in him either. So coming to a church like this, believing that God was the one who sent me to this place, was not something that I could believe just like that. But I wanted to.

"This is the village church. Every month we have all the villagers gather here and pray to the almighty Zelon, the god of bounty." Milai seemed reminiscent of the past. I didn't want to ask about the villagers. I knew what kind of answers she'd have. So it was best not to poke my head where it didn't belong.

I tried to change the subject. "Can you tell me more about the gods? I can't seem to remember much." To my understanding, there should be more than one in this world. At least that's what Misrael, hinted at.

Milai gave me a smile and looked a little bit more cheerful. "Of course. That's why I asked you to come after all. What more suitable a place to learn about God than the house of God himself?" She paused, giggled a little. "There are several gods and half-gods. They are divine but not all-powerful. Some have given us light: some have given us water and some fire." She looked down. "Some have even given us darkness and evil desires." She looked me back in the eye, beaming with ambition. "We only pray to almighty Zelon. He is the god of bounty and good fortune. As for the other gods, different regions have different god's mercy. So everybody's prayers are different." Her conviction was real. She believed in God with all her being, and even I could tell that. There was no denying it and I didn't want to deny her faith. But that didn't mean I chose to follow her path either.

That's a convoluted system. Why couldn't there just be one universal god instead? "So basically they are a bunch of all-powerful deities? Do they have any hierarchy?" I was being a bit rude perhaps, but I needed to know.

"To sum it up, yes… But just between you and me, the leader of the gods has vanished. As for the other god's …. We don't know." She was basically whispering. Trade secret among the people of the church perhaps.

She seemed hesitant to tell me. It was probably best that I didn't press her. In religions, there are always some things that you are better off not knowing. But now that she told me more about the absence of gods, it seemed no one ever met gods anyway. At least no human did. So I couldn't just believe her faith out of blue, now could I?

And so, I changed the subject. "About the villagers…" I didn't want to do this to her, but it all seemed connected. And since I'd live here, I tried to be as blunt as possible. After all, I couldn't run away from the truth forever.

"There's a curse in the village… in recent days, it's gotten much stronger. I can't keep up. Moire was supposed to send a more experienced priest here, but they haven't responded in a long while. They've only given us a single bottle of Panora" Her speech exploded. She must have been really worried. She as probably holding these thoughts in for a long while.

Moire? Isn't that the place Misrael had mentioned? And Panora? Where did I hear that name before? The name rang a bell. But these deals with curses were an entirely new thing. If magic existed, than curses weren't that surprising. But everything was a little hard for me to swallow. "A curse?"

She looked down. "Yes, a very deadly one. The skins of the cursed are black and decaying…"

It could be a disease…. The description was too basic, so I couldn't conclude it. But to me, it felt like this village was being ravaged by some kind of plague.

"Anyway, if you see anyone with black spots, don't go near them. And if you think you might be cursed or anything, immediately tell me." Milai looked awfully concerned for my wellbeing. I guess I was a valuable asset to the village.

"Of course…" I said. It was a general response. I didn't have anything better to say anyway.

"That reminds me. How come these people in graves aren't turning into undead?" The moment I said it, I knew I had to apologize for it. My question lacked delicacy and she took a very large breath. I'd just done me a fatal mistake.

"You see when lingering feelings accumulate in one place- especially the forests, souls don't really leave this world. They cling to their bodies, but as time progresses their bodies…. " It pained her. I could see her tears welling up. I was the reason behind it. "But don't worry. I've already purified the souls of our fallen. They won't become undead." She faked a smile.

"I-I see. Thank you." I didn't apologize. I got the impression that'd only complicate things further.

She wiped her eyes in secret but I saw it. She smiled, though it pained her. "Good. Now that we're here… Let's pray!" Perhaps she was stronger than I'd assumed.

I suppose asking about magic now, is a bit late. I smiled back. "Yeah."

Oh God, please send me back home!

If God was real, he wasn't easy: I still had doubts, but for just this instance I wanted to believe in him. There were other people here too, praying with us. Mostly elderly and children. It was a village ravaged by some sort of curse and the onslaught of the undead. And yet, they had compassion. And that made me want to believe in gods and in humanity.