16 I Wasn't Worth It

My heart dropped to my gut. A lump plugged my throat and my brain shut out everything but the man consumed in the shadows.

It was without a doubt him. I'd recognize his voice anywhere. It was like always, controlled and polite, but with a touch of softness—vulnerability perhaps even.

Before he or I were able to get a good look of each other, a cold hand covered my mouth and spun me around to face the still opened door as my back pressed against someone else's much straighter posture. She was hiding me with her taller physique, not saying a single word as she kept the silence. I snapped out of my earlier trance and played along, covering my mouth and trying to control my breathing though it was safe to say I wasn't breathing at all in that moment.

"Alvena?" the voice in the darkness called again with more urgency this time as he turned around. I could swear my heart beat a hundred times during the past several seconds.

"It's you...Evelyn," he corrected with slight disappointment in his tone though he did attempt to mask a majority of it.

Tears were threatening to spill out while I was struggling to choke down my cries. The survival instinct in me kicked in and I stood frozen, but I was shuddering inside like a lost animal in a rainstorm.

"I could've sworn I saw..." He took a few steps forward in frantic composure, and was so close I thought he'd notice me hiding.

"Master Alek, did you see her again?" Evelyn responded with crisp monotone.

Again?

There was a long strenuous pause before he heaved out a sigh and lowered his guard.

Did his senses dull?

"Do you know what today is, Evelyn?" his voice proceeded with regret as he placed down what sounded like an empty bottle on his desk.

Evelyn dipped her head. I didn't have to see to picture her indifferent expression. By now, her master would prompt her to answer him. She would hesitate and then voice her opinion as if that earlier pause was just out of courtesy. She'd say something and he would give her a gentle smile and then turn to me and ask what we were going to do with her. We'd all laugh and then head over to the gardens where Lord Perrot would casually drop by and it would be the four of us everyday. Those were such precious times. The time when I actually believed he loved me.

Being in the study only flooded my mind with all the memories I had locked up in a place I didn't ever want to visit again. I still remember his words very clearly. No matter how much I wanted to get it out of my head, it's impossible to forget.

"The day Alvena disappeared..."

I almost let out a gasp had my hands not automatically jumped to cover over my mouth. I must've made the slightest sound and to extinguish any suspicion, Evie quickly distracted him with something I didn't expect.

"...and the day I betrayed you."

Her sentence finished strong, followed by a momentary silence where the tension grew so intense that I thought the air would freeze. It was definitely a sore spot for him and I only crossed my fingers that Evie wasn't going to get into too much trouble for blurting out everything on her mind. It would be hypocritical of him to punish her since it was he who spoiled her too much from the beginning.

Instead of reprimanding her, he sauntered towards his desk and twisted a cork off another on of the many bottles he prepared for the night.

"Please, I wish for some time alone."

Evelyn nodded and whisked us both away before I could fully process what was happening. She didn't say a word as she carried me like a cat out of the castle and into the part of town where we did our little rendezvouses.

When we finally stopped, steel arms wrapped around me like a cage. I wanted to ask her so many things, but found myself in the same predicament—unable to formulate words—as I hugged her back. She was surprisingly cold—in a good way. I almost forgot how the touch of a vampire felt like.

"I thought you were dead," were not my ideal first words and would most definitely not be had I the time to rehearse for this reunion.

Evie pulled away to look at me. "I'm not dead."

That commanded an immediate smile to my face. As I stared up at her, she had the same apathetic expression perched upon her pretty face and her red eyes seemed to suit her even more than before. I brought her into another embrace and for a second, I felt her jolt from the strength in my once fragile arms.

"How did you know I was here?"

I looked up at the girl with a slightly furrowed brow.

"The duke's son is dead," she uttered before pulling me under her cloak as a few villagers ran past. Evie's crimson eyes darted in a few directions before rushing me in the direction with the fewest people. "You shouldn't be here," she whispered, but I couldn't help myself from wondering more about the many new expressions she learned when I was away. I didn't know she was capable of looking panicked at all. "We need to get you back on the other side."

Looking into her eyes, it was easy to confirm that her word choice was not in the least bit coincidental. There was a knowingness in her tone that told me she already knew I was living among the wolves during the time of my absence. However, it also seemed like there was something she knew that I didn't.

"Not until I get the blood of a high noble," I stated firmly. Not sure was it the item or my attitude that caught her off guard, but she didn't seem too opposed to it.

There was a momentary pause before she stared into my eyes. "You're trying to kill Master?"

Sometimes I can't discern if she liked cracking jokes or was genuinely prone to taking things at face value. Not taking my chances on where her current allegiance lies, I shook my head and summarized that I was looking for a cure for Ralphie.

From the way she listened and didn't question, I already knew she was conjuring up some ideas to help me. When I finished my explanation which was bare as bone, she led me to a hidden street on the block and instructed me to wait for her return.

I wasn't to move from where I stood or try anything new until she arrived with the necessary items, not even allowed to follow her or peak out in case I would be detected by patrols. This was indeed different from when I was back in Wolf Land where doing nothing meant one was either ill or dead.

And I was neither.

However, this was vampire turf so she would know best.

In what seemed like hours, though Evie corrected later that it was no more than a little under a half hour, she returned with a horse, some loaves of bread and apples, and second-hand clothing worn by perhaps a peasant boy. They were my size and fit well, especially the cap that surprisingly was able to hold and conceal all my hair.

Evie prompted me to get on the horse before positioning herself behind and galloping away straight through the front gate. Though she hid me well under her cape coat, it would be impossible for the guards not to notice me. But strangely enough, we raced through the gates like it was a finish line and not one guard thought to stop us.

I didn't dare look around as we rode out the stronghold of Argid, but there was one particular silhouette by the gate that caught my eye. He didn't turn around, but a strange feeling filled my heart when we passed by. Though I shouldn't, I couldn't help but try to catch one more glimpse of the figure but we rode too fast for me to make out anything.

After some distance, Evie leapt off and began running alongside myself and the horse to ease the burden and pick up the speed. We made two stops and when I started recognizing the terrain, she closed her eyes to sniff the air. Right away, her red eyes flashed opened and a peculiar look appeared on her face.

"One of them came over?"

I nodded.

"You're lucky not many vampires recognize the smell of wolves."

"And you know it how?" I questioned. Evie was born long after the first Great War in an era where wolves are not too far from legends told to scare children. I too was raised with the same preconceptions until I actually arrived on the opposite side.

"I know yours by heart, but now it's mixed with something else as if it's masking your own scent. And of course there's a few other scents mixed in like alcohol and the dust flying around Flamekeep. It's also possibly why we managed to fool Master when he was drinking."

My small flinch did not go unnoticed upon hearing her bring him up. Now that we were no longer surrounded by strangers and potential threats, I couldn't push away all the feelings from returning to Argid.

"Niko-I mean Alek...doesn't drink if I recall correctly," I said sheepishly.

There was no point trying to hide the hurt that still came with his name. The pain at the thought of anything related to him subsided over the past few years, but being back on this side just reminded me that it was still there. Was eight years not nearly enough to get over him?

"He picked it up recently."

"Did the current Lady Dietrich not look after him?" I sounded rather concerned to my own surprise. "Is he not happy?"

No matter how everyone tried to hide it around me, I wasn't completely oblivious to Alek's affections towards Lady Rosegarden. I was young back then, but that didn't render me blind. If anything, I just blamed myself for being stupid enough to believe that he meant it when he said he loved me.

How could Aleksandar Dietrich, Lord of Argid and governing power of the five Districts give up his love for the lovely and intelligent Lady Valerie Rosegarden for a mere human? Though the entire Dietrich manor knew of their master's unrequited love, he had loved her for longer than I've been born and was only finally forced into marriage when I came along. Had the Pureblood carrier not come along, he wouldn't have wed against his will to someone like me.

But no matter what, compared to all the other vampire noblemen near his standing, he treated me exceptionally well. For that, I'll be forever grateful. It's just that this heart of mine learned to become greedy with each day spent with him and somehow expected him to forever be mine alone and love me unconditionally like he did. Or at least I thought he did...

Still, he was a good man by nature and nothing was going to change that. I wished him happiness even if it wasn't because of me.

"I was sent away for some time, but London and Adrian told me that Master and Valerie got along." Evelyn shook her mane in a dejected manner. "But never once did he look truly happy in the past eight years like he did when he was with you..."

My vision became slightly blurred and I tried my hardest to keep the impatient tears from betraying my poise. Sweet Evelyn wouldn't lie to me about any of that, but she didn't understand that Alek couldn't possibly care enough about me to change anything about himself.

I wasn't worth it.

He made it clear.