355 RTYY 351 - I’m Fine With You The Way You Are
A/N: So ... I'm terribly sorry for the late update. Last week's work was just too chaotic and I ended up having to take on 48 hours shift. I was dead on my feet when I finally got home lol. So, please do forgive your crazy author's absence! 😖
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
Picking up the bucket, Snow made his way to ZaiWin's back. And even though he was sitting there, his back completely exposed, surprisingly enough ZaiWin couldn't feel the slightest bit uncomfortable at the thought that someone else was looking at him from behind.
Snow, on the other hand, paused for a moment, and ZaiWin could clearly feel his hesitation. And then a cold hand touched his back, skin against skin, small fingers lightly tracing his ugly scars.
"Too disturbing?" ZaiWin asked, and Snow immediately shook his head. Then he remembered that ZaiWin couldn't see that, since he was standing behind him, and so decided to use his words to answer.
"It's not disturbing."
"Disgusting then?"
Snow shook his head again, brushing his hand down ZaiWin's back.
ZaiWin couldn't help shivering. It was a weird feeling, having someone touch his back like that, after all those years. The last time someone had actually touched his back he'd been a child, and ZenTar had been doing his best to clean and bandage his horrible injuries.
Back then, all he had been able to feel was this horrible burning pain. Now he still felt hot, the markings touched by that gentle cold hand reacting immediately, like dormant flames awakened from their slumber, the heat spreading through his entire body, pouring into his chest. But it was a comforting heat, one that filled the emptiness that had been left inside him all those years ago, reminding him of how he used to feel when, as a child, he had just begun discovering the wonders of using his markings.
Snow sighed.
"It's just sad …" he confessed in a small voice, replacing his hand with the wet cloth, gently wiping his back as he'd done to his chest and arms.
"I know they're probably not pleasant to look at, but at least they still work."
Snow shook his head on more time, gently washing his shoulder-blades.
"It's not that. I know they're a part of you, and I know you're proud of what you've achieved, of how you managed to survive, of how strong you've become. I'm not sorry for that. I just think that it's sad that something so beautiful could be ruined like this … and that such an important part of who you were could be taken away from you without your consent. I wish I could bring them back, restore them to what they used to be, but I know that's beyond my capabilities. And then I can't help wondering. If restoring them were a real possibility, would you want them back? Or would you rather remain the way you are now?"
ZaiWin took a deep breath.
"You're probably right. I would probably still choose to remain the way I am. Of course, restoring my markings would make my life a lot easier. I wouldn't have to hide so much, I could openly flaunt my power, show everyone what I can do. On the other hand, people wouldn't despise me or fear me as much, they wouldn't look at me with disgust every time they realize just how dark my energy is. And, for once, I could probably stand my ground when facing those royal bastards, because they wouldn't be able to look down on me anymore.
"If I could restore my markings, I'm fairly certain that I'd be at least as strong as any of them. And I could openly challenge them to a duel and publicly show everyone who I am.
"But then … I have the feeling that doing all that would be a bit like erasing what they did to me. I fear I might end up forgetting things I don't want to forget. Being accepted by everyone, being welcomed, assuming my role as a noble-born, being recognized as the honorable and respectable Governor of Nox, attending rich parties and receptions, dressing in expensive clothes, and adorning my hair with gold … All that, I fear it would change the way I see and feel the world around me, that with time it would cloud my vision and change who I am."
ZaiWin turned back to look at him.
"Would you still choose to remain by my side then?"
Snow looked into those bright blue eyes and felt sad again, but this time a much more painfully sadness, one that squeezed his throat, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.
"I … don't know …"
ZaiWin smiled.
"Well, I know. You wouldn't. I know my dark energy is disturbing to you. That, like all Celestials, you were born to deny it and repel it. And yet you accepted me the way I am. Which means that there must be something in me that is worth a lot more than my corrupted markings. Whatever it is, I don't want to risk losing it. And I know that you would probably still remain by my side even then, the same way those blond dolls remain true to their Chosen Ones, no matter how much their Chosen Ones stray from the righteous path. But I don't want you to ever regret having chosen to stay by my side. I want to remain worthy of being your Chosen One until the day I die."
Snow lowered his gaze, his cheeks heating up from embarrassment. Basically what he had just told him was that he would rather never regain his original daitai, than risk losing him as his Tien'Elhar. All that even though ZaiWin had never wanted to become a Chosen One, to begin with. Even though Snow was far from being what other people expected from a Tien'Elhar. Even though he was a constant source of problems. Even though he had clearly betrayed his trust and ended up making him the prisoner of someone as scary as MaoHan. Even though he was completely useless, unable to get them out of that mess.
"As long as you're fine with it as well, I rather remain the way I am."
Snow nodded, still unable to look him in the eye. Somehow, he felt like crying.
"I'm fine with you the way you are ..."
ZaiWin smiled. Turning forward again, he patiently waited until Snow finished his task.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
A/N: Taking into account how Snow isn't like the other Tien'Elhar, ZaiWin is probably right. I really can't see him being the Tien'Elhar of someone like CalWan, for example 😌
Want to read all the earlier releases up to Chapter 417 and have access to the whole new exclusive Novel RyuDai FeiWan? Join us on P a t r e o n! https://www.p a t r e o n.com/carpersanti 😁 (just eliminate the spaces between the letters of the word p a t r e o n 😁)
For all the latest news and some more crazy stuff, follow your crazy author on https://www.instagram.com/s.carpersanti/ or https://twitter.com/carpersanti 😁
