1 Chapter 1:Total Addiction

There I was. I was on the bed with Alex. He was stripping off my clothes leaving me bare. I couldn't care less. I knew what I was doing has death-like consequences but I still did it. I was now free in the harsh world. My parents weren't there to stop or influence my decisions. I was out, there was no stopping me. Being like a caged bird made to depend only on puns from the net. Only to see but never to experience. I now had the chance to feel what it's like. I knew all of these were unholy, but I didn't give a dime. I was there on the bed, with a man on top of me. I thought I was on top of the world. I thought I was now a woman. I thought this was the peak of life.

I grew up in a very humble background. I had strict parents who were deacons in the church. I was a lonely kid who longed for adventure. I just needed the comfort of having sleepovers, girls' gossiping and make up. But my parents didn't see any use to all that. I was an only child. I was raised in a disciplined manner but this side of me always felt lost.

I think my addiction started when I was curious about how couples have babies. I was around 12 years then. I let my curiosity and wide mind get the best of me. My parents weren't home and I sneaked into their room to use my dad's computer. Then a pop-up came on the computer. I was ignorant because I was educated on this type of things. I clicked on the pop-up and a half naked man started doing some unforbidden things. I got even more interested and continued to watch it. Something in me was well aware of this sin but I couldn't stop myself. It has swallowed me whole to the deepest darkest pit. And soon, every single day, I watched them. What are they? The graphics of satanic cornering.

That was how I feel unto the deep blue sea of no return. It was hard to get out.

Maybe it was my parents fault. Maybe It's my fault. Maybe It's the devil's fault. Whosoever fault it was, I was suffering. Sick of deadly addiction. No one to actually pull me out. They're all busy with their own lives.