SIXTEEN

I'M READY" I SAY TO HIM.

"I will be over tomorrow morning."

next day

"Are you ready now ellie?" he asks me through text.

I call him and he bombards me with questions.

I answer him with yes and he's still acting dumb.

He says we will meet today.

"You're finally here!" I say to him

"let's go" he says to me as he pecks my forehead.

We are finally here. it's time.

"Ellie! let's go!" Christian calls me!

I didn't call Damien because I am not ready to go that far with him. I might never be ready.

"Christiannn I'm tired!" I said to him

"Ugh fine!"

We both went for a carnival and it has been so fun..

"So what's this about that dummy wanting to have sex with you?" Christian asks as we are about to get on the rollercoaster.

I don't answer him and I puke all over him.

don't eat before being on a roller coaster.

he hands me a book as we head to his house

"Whats this for?" I ask him.

"I found it in my mom's room.

maybe when your mom first had sex." he says

"Whatever!" I say to him and I open the book.

"Something they wouldn't understand, I remember distinctly. As if it were earlier today, I remember the exact moment we experienced intimate relations. You inquired about whether or not we anywhere would have always had the chance. You stated that you will provide his contact information to us.

 As if being one of sixty to understand would have been enough to convince myself, sufficient gratification to break my single commitment about myself. What a privilege. You requested, "If I may put a little bit somewhere inside oneself?" and "You may tell me to halt if you don't need to do it," and I never indicated I gave you the right to do just what you did. What a laugh. I also recall how restrained you were with me. I also stood in the front of you with my legs crossed.I'm unable to move because you're blocking me from doing so. 

How painful "just the edge" had already become, and how afraid I has been of taking action. What a wonderful concept. I remember telling you how uncomfortable I was and yelling Stop, and you saying how happy you were when it was over. I was taken aback by what you said because you sounded so satisfied with yourself. "Does this mean you'll foot the bill for my lunch tomorrow?" When I left, I felt disgusted, violated, and guilty. I told myself that losing my virginity while having sex was all my fault and that I was not to blame. How perplexing. For months, you had successfully persuaded me that I had given consent, that rape was impossible for "together" people, and that sex was now okay, but not just okay. My ex-lover, according to you Sex was a requirement. It's a given. And I shouldn't have been surprised when you started seeing someone else one day. You were a jerk, and I was a toy. How revolting. So, I hope you're happy now, because who wouldn't be if they got away with what they did to you? And I hope your 30th birthday isn't as challenging as mine. " I read out to him.

"That's sus." he says and I nod.