Suzuha's Regret
"Sigh... today was a rollercoaster of emotions."
Daniel muttered to himself as he looked at the manga in his hands.
He had thoroughly enjoyed watching Tom and Jerry, but after finishing it and picking up the latest chapter of Hikaru no Go, he felt a bit unsatisfied.
Sai had lost the match, and it was all due to the handicap. It left a sour taste in his mouth.
"But thankfully, there's still this one!"
Daniel breathed a sigh of relief as he flipped to the next chapter of Steins;Gate. Despite the tragic death of Mayuri, the storyline was still gripping, and he was curious to see how all the earlier plot points would come together.
Eagerly, he started reading.
This chapter continued from where the last one left off.
It was revealed that Suzuha, whom Okarin had been communicating with all along, was actually John Titor and had traveled from the dystopian future of 2036, where SERN ruled the world.
She had come to the past to change this bleak future.
To truly save Mayuri, the group needed to undo the very first D-mail that had triggered the events. This meant Suzuha had to travel back to 1975 to retrieve the IBN 5100 computer.
Additionally, Suzuha revealed that her cover as the part-time worker was also part of her mission. Her other goal during this timeline was to find her father.
So, with Okarin's help, Daru began fixing the time machine, while the others helped Suzuha in her search for her dad.
Just when Suzuha had given up hope of finding him and was preparing to leave for 1975 to complete her mission, Mayuri figured out that Suzuha's father was, in fact, Daru, based on the name of the time machine he had built.
Although father and daughter were finally reunited, Suzuha still had a job to do—saving the world.
But the time machine could only go to the past; it couldn't return.
This meant that while Suzuha's next jump would feel instantaneous for Okarin and the others, for Suzuha, she would spend decades in the past.
Daniel rubbed his eyes, feeling a pang of emotion as he watched the bittersweet reunion and looming separation of Suzuha and Daru. He even felt a tear or two welling up.
"Man, Ren always finds a way to tug at the heartstrings with these farewells," Daniel thought as he wiped his eyes.
However, just like Okarin and the rest of the group, Daniel eagerly looked forward to seeing Suzuha complete her mission and save the future.
But then...
"What?! Why?!"
Daniel was shocked as he read Suzuha's farewell letter, which arrived after she had traveled to the past.
She had... died ten years earlier.
"I failed. I failed. I failed... again and again."
Her letter was filled with the word "failed" written over and over again, as if she had pressed the pen so hard it almost tore through the paper. Through the panel, Daniel could feel Suzuha's deep regret and anguish.
How... how could she have failed? Why?
Just like Okarin and the others in the manga, Daniel was stunned. Suzuha had just left them, yet in what seemed like a blink of an eye, she had passed away—and failed her mission.
"I'm sorry..."
What kind of pain and despair must Suzuha have felt as she wrote those words?
This part of the story felt like a weight on Daniel's chest, making every breath feel labored. He needed to understand why Suzuha had failed, so he kept reading.
It turned out that the time machine malfunctioned. Suzuha suffered an accident, lost her memory, and didn't remember her mission until just a year before she passed away—full of regret and sorrow.
In her letter, after writing "I failed" so many times, she begged Okarin not to follow the past version of herself during the rainy night she first arrived. In her final evaluation of her life, she wrote: "What was the point of living all this time? I forgot my mission and just aimlessly lived... this kind of life is meaningless."
The final stroke of the word "meaning" was drawn out long, as if her hand had dropped in despair while writing.
The sadness that poured from the letter was palpable, as if the paper itself was soaked in tears.
But Okarin was not one to give up. Understanding the reason for her failure, he sent a D-mail to his past self on August 9th, warning him not to follow Suzuha that rainy night. Finally, the worldline began to shift.
"At last, the worldline is shifting!" Daniel exclaimed.
"At first, I thought Okarin had it the worst in this story. After all, he's been carrying the heavy burden of watching reality change over and over, only for nothing to truly change. He's had to shoulder the pain of sacrificing his friends' memories to try and alter their fates. But now, I think Suzuha has had it even worse."
"I don't know... I still think Mayuri has it the worst. At this point, fans have joked there are 10,086 ways for her to die."
"But Suzuha! She had such a tragic life. Okarin at least has Kurisu by his side. But Suzuha? She worked so hard to save the world, only to fail because of a malfunction. And that letter... she must have been in so much pain and regret."
"I agree! Suzuha's story is heartbreaking. Okarin might have companions, but Suzuha? She was all alone, and in the end, she couldn't even fulfill her mission. Just look at her final words... they show how deeply she regretted everything."
"I still don't get why everyone says Suzuha had it so bad. I didn't feel that way."
"Here, I posted a detailed explanation. You can check it out."
After this chapter aired, fans quickly took to the internet to discuss it.
But amidst all the conversation, one sentiment stood out—fans deeply sympathized with Suzuha.
In Steins;Gate, Suzuha's character had been fleshed out exceptionally well in a short amount of time. And her story was, without a doubt, one of the most tragic in the series.
She had been dealt such a cruel hand, almost comparable to a character like Xiang Lin Sao from Chinese literature.
Born into a dystopian future where SERN ruled the world, Suzuha was an orphan who lost her parents and wandered alone. When she finally got the chance to travel to the past and save the future, she was sidetracked by her personal quest to find her father. This delay caused the time machine to malfunction, and when she eventually made it to the past, she suffered from amnesia and only remembered her mission right before she died. Suzuha died full of regret, without ever completing her goal.
And when you think about all the critical actions she had taken—turning on the 42-inch TV to enable the time leap, single-handedly taking down most of SERN's operatives, finding the IBN 5100, and explaining the concept of worldlines—she really was the unsung hero of the story.
Yet, despite everything she did, she met a tragic end. She had been working hard the entire time, but in the end, it all amounted to nothing.
"Suzuha really is a tragic figure... could this be Suzuha no Misfortune?"
"Damn that Porter. Just when I thought Steins;Gate wouldn't hurt me this much, here we go again. One heartbreak after another!"
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