1 Chapter 1
Ring! RIng! Ring!
Kalypso Thorne groaned, hair scratching the back of her neck as she turned over to slam her hand down on the phone vibrating aggressively on her nightstand and threatening to wake her up from her peaceful slumber. Last night she had forgotten to turn her 6:00 AM alarm off for the weekend, but whatever; it didn't matter. She was already up, and there was no chance that she was going to be able to fall asleep, so why not stay up?
Muttering creative obscenities to herself as she trudged towards the bathroom, she lazily yanked the door open. From that point on, everything was muscle memory. She grabbed her toothbrush and began scrolling through TikTok as she brushed her teeth. There was a strange abundance of body positivity TikToks, but she chose to just ignore them. 60 seconds of a random person miles away telling her she was perfect without ever having seen her was hardly going to change the body she felt chained to.
Finally, she summoned enough courage to actually look at her reflection in the mirror. To say she hated the person looking back at her was an understatement. It took everything she had to not break down and start crying every time she saw herself. Too fat. Too chubby. Too many stretch marks. Too much cellulite.Too unlovably ugly to ever make it through the rest of her miserable life.
There used to be a time when she was in love with her body. She would thank God for the body he had given her. She fed it well, gazed at it with appreciation instead of disgust, and highlighted the many parts she loved about. Then, of course, she was diagnosed with clinical severe depression, which had not been known to increase self-esteem. She was aware that the disease in her mind had always been there but somehow, as she grew, so did it. It twisted around her mind like roots and vines, infecting each thought with hatred and unfusing her vision with dark disgust. She gained weight and stopped growing. A few months later and she was diagnosed with bulimia. People thought that meant that she would be super skinny, but that wasn't the case. If only.
"Hey honey, watcha…" Her father dropped his words in the middle of the sentence at the sight of the tears leaking out of her eyes to race down her chin. Her face puffy and red, shoulders shaking in barely held in sobs, and arms clutching the sides of her diaphragm to squeeze air in and out of her lungs."Are you okay?"
She could barely find the muscle to sniff. "I'm…fine." She gagged on saliva burning a trail down her throat as she realized that she had almost told the truth for once.
"What's going on?" Mr. Thorne knelt on the ground, rubbing her back in small circles to try and comfort her. The small movement might as well have been a pounding hammer because which two small swirls of his comforting hand, the dam inside her soul broke.
Sobs racked her body. "I HATE myself!" She tore at a clump of hair. "I hate the way I LOOK!" She stabbed her finger into a roll that had resulted in her hunched form. "I don't like ANYTHING about me!" She looked up at her dad to see his eyes widening. She knew he didn't know how to handle what she was going through, but she wanted him to say something. Just comfort her. Anything would make her feel better at this point.
"Honey, I don't think you're ugly. You're beautiful! You should believe me." He said slowly, hoping that his words were going to have the desired effect on her. They didn't. As if hollow words from someone who had no idea, whatsoever what exactly it felt like to hate mirrors, showering, phone cameras, tight clothing, shorts, and ponytails that didn't hide her face.
"Don't say that! I can't STOP hating myself! It's not something I can turn on or off!" Kalypso roared, knowing that he was reeling back in shock, but too preoccupied with the pain and misery that racked her body until she was left raw and used on the floor. People always thought that her problems could be turned on or off like a light switch but deep down, she was sure they knew that wasn't true.
"I'm sorry honey, but I do think you're beautiful. I gotta go to work! I'll see you in the evening!" He sighed, getting back up and grabbing his work bag. If only depressive episodes could follow a work schedule.
She forced her brain to shut down. Taking control of her weak and shaking muscles, she pushed herself up. She smeared the tears across her face and in the dead and lifeless voice that she used in order to push steady words from her mouth without breaking or releasing her mind from the numb control Kendell said, "Okay Dad, I'll see you later today.".
Mr. Thorne was a single parent. He and his wife had divorced during some nasty abuse allegations. She had hurt his family, and he wasn't going to let that continue. He had been trying ever since to be a good father, but it wasn't easy. Kalypso's mother had left her with a lot of trauma. Sometimes it was so bad that she couldn't go to school, leaving her to the fate of staring down at the foul-smelling toilet water while begging her throat to release the vomit that roiled her broken stomach.
After lying on the bed in numb lifelessness for minutes, hours, or years, Kalypso trudged downstairs and began mindlessly looking for something to eat. She was finally in the mood for some sort of food, having not ingested anything in the past two days. She threw open the refrigerator doors to see that they were nearly empty.
Kalypso knew that her dad had to pay alimony and rent, which was slowly getting higher and higher. It meant that some things, like food, were getting a little more scarce per month.
Buzz.
Rolling her eyes, which were still blackened by her mascara that had been smeared by tears, she grabbed her phone. Her dad had a habit of forgetting to turn off the lights around the house. He was probably texting her to tell her to turn off a light again. But no, instead, it was one of her best friends, Allyce Mia Diaz.
Hey, are you up?
Yeah, why?
Can I call you?
Sure
RING! RING! RING!
Kalypso winced as her headphones blasted her ringtone in her ear. She had forgotten to turn the volume down last night after listening to music, and now she was pretty sure she was going to go deaf. She wasn't over these morning's issues quite yet so she adopted a version of her normal persona.
"What's up Allyce?" Kalypso asked, slurping on a bottle of orange juice she found half-empty in the refrigerator.
"So, I want you to come to meet me at my house in a little bit. I've got someone here who wants to talk to you." Allyce stated in an authoritative tone.
"Uhm… Okay, can I know who it is?" Kalypso asked, her eyebrows furrowing in worry. This wasn't quite like Allyce to be demanding.
"No. But wear something cute." She could practically hear her friend smiling over the phone. Great, well this was going to go well.
"Okay, can you help me pick out an outfit for this mysterious thing you're setting me up on? It better NOT be another blind date. Because that didn't work well last time!" Kalypso sighed, hoping that her friend wasn't going to get her into something she didn't want to happen.
"No. You're gonna have to do this yourself. He's already here…. So…" Allyce trailed off and then hung up.
It wasn't like Allyce to be this pushy. Sure she could be demanding and insistent at times, but she was never insisting and mysterious. This worried Kalypso a little bit, but it was whatever. If she was going to set her up on another blind date, then the outcome would be Allyce's fault.
Heading upstairs again to get dressed, she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Sometimes the demons in her head wouldn't allow her to dress in anything but baggy clothes that hid her chubby figure. However, today they were silent. Maybe today would actually be a good day…
Twenty minutes later, she was all dressed and ready to go. She wore a pink crop top and white tennis skirt, paired with knee-length white socks and black hightop converse. If Kalypso was going to might a complete stranger, it was essential that she make a good first impression. And yet, a part of her wondered if this was someone she already knew.
It wasn't that long of a walk to Allyce's house, only about five minutes. Knocking on the door, she almost fainted when she opened the door to see the one person she would never have expected. The first boy she ever loved, and the only one she still had feelings for. Ronan Kelley.
"Hey."
