3 The Voice Inside

There was no visible emotion or malice behind that look, but the glance seemed to pierce right through me. At that split moment, the crisp spring air surely dropped by a few degrees, but I still held his gaze. Though the Liang kingdom was admittedly weak, the Northerner wouldn't dare to wreak havoc publicly.

He nodded slowly, almost as if pondering something, before returning to his previous act of scanning the streets. A spy? I couldn't quite put it, but the entire existence of the man was odd. Something deep inside told me that things were about to go horribly wrong.

"Youshi," someone nudged my arm. "Youshi!"

I spun around to find myself face to face with Brother Liu. "Sometimes, I really want to know what's going on in your pretty head. White hair don't leave? I knew your addiction to weird poetry couldn't be good for you!"

Luckily or unluckily, Brother Liu had no understanding of my words.

He continued, "Then you would be old and lose your beauty! You're always gushing with fancy prose. Youshi, you are surely the most beautiful girl I have ever seen." He paused, "But you must understand that it is most natural for men to have multiple women. The idea of just falling in love with only one person. Hear yourself speak!"

A strange mixture of relief and regret bubbled from within: relief because I had not embarrassed myself and regret since I could foresee many future wordless nights. He would never understand what I wanted, much less who I really was. Maybe I would have a child to keep me company, but the very thought of Brother Liu's hands on my body tied a knot in my stomach.

His tone suddenly shifted. "You wouldn't mind me taking a mistress, would you?"

There was no hesitation in my response. "I recommend Miss Qian. As soon as we wed, she can come over. Her heart has been with you for years, and it would be wrong for you not to take her as a mistress," I feigned a smile, and he in turn beamed at the idea of having such a virtuous wife.

Most girls would never ask their future husband to take a mistress, but I never had feelings for the man before me. And even though I wished I could, in the past few days, the looming thoughts of dread and disgust only grew. Why would I care if he was with some other woman? It just meant I could have more time working at the apothecary.

Drowning Brother Liu's voice out, I glanced out the window once more. Outside, the strange foreigner was reaching for a little boy's hand. The fear on the child's face was unmistakable, and a small crowd was already gathering. I moved closer to the window to try to hear what was happening, but my attempts were futile.

A voice inside me willed me to stop, telling me that nothing good could happen when I was involved. "Do you not remember that you are cursed? Do you not remember your past?" The voice screeched.

"Youshi!" Brother Liu called, but I was already out the door.

A mysterious force willed me towards the man, and my movements became involuntary as I made my way through the small crowd.

The few tidbits of conversation I caught only fueled my suspicion of the Northerner.

"Sister, do you think he's a fake?"

"Did you not hear how he predicted the child's entire past? That poor kid!"

Up close, I could see that he was a fortune-teller, bearing a small Tai-ji symbol on the sleeve of his robe. Unlike the local ones, he had no obnoxious signs saying he was the reincarnation of a spirit nor fortune sticks. Yet, though I couldn't quite put it to words, there was something real about him.

"Go on now. Make sure not to beg around the temple for the next three days, or you will find yourself next to death" he patted the child on the back and bid him farewell. But the entire time he spoke, his eyes were on me.

Like before, they were piercing, almost as if drilling through my past and my future.

There was something wrong.

If I turned back now, it wouldn't be too late.

Luckily, a merchant ran up to the diviner, asking for his fortune. It was the perfect distraction to sneak away. "Leave now. If he tells your fortune, then they'll all think you're a curse. Your aunt and uncle will be done for." The voice inside sounded once more. I willed myself to turn around and leave the scene. However, my feet became almost as if rooted there, unable to take another step.

"My sincerest apologies, but I only tell the future for those I care to tell the future for," he calmly spoke as he refused the merchant's money. The ruggedness of his voice was eroded, but the harsh Northern accent was there all the same. "And here comes the fated one."

His fan was pointed unmistakably towards me. "Miss, you don't happen to be able to spare a moment now?"

Now, not only were his eyes on me. Everywhere I glanced, people's eyes met mine.

No, not this again. More than anything, I was afraid that the next line he would say was, "You're a curse." He wouldn't be the first diviner to say that to me, and he certainly wouldn't be the last. Did I believe those words that haunted my entire life? No. But if he spoke those words in front of a crowd, my life would be ruined. Even if I didn't believe it, the entire society around me would.

Brother Liu's family would know I made a fool of myself again and call off the marriage. That would leave me unwanted, the biggest slap in the face to my uncle and aunt and the worst insult to my deceased parents.

In that split second, the trance broke as everything shifted back into focus. Though it happened a bit too late, the spell that held me in place was finally gone. I turned from the crowd, pretending not to see anything.

Their pointed fingers? Their hushed whispers? No, I couldn't allow myself to repay my adopted family by bringing them shame.

Coming here was a mistake. Who was I kidding? I was a mistake.

"Miss, fate brought you here," he called after me.

I pressed on blindly, trying to shield out everything.

"A curse? No—"

Before he could finish his statement, I already was out of earshot.

"I don't need you to tell me." Those were the only words I left behind. But as soon as I spoke, I knew I shouldn't have.