26 Mother of Sorrows

~DEMURE YU~

The Inscrutable Contagion had already shrunk the world when the port of Sutao was closed to the merchant ships late in the fall.

One by one, the outlying villages and towns raised quarantine flags and locked Sutao in. The citizens that used to exist in the middle of the web of commerce were left to survive or perish on their own. They did their best to go on about their daily lives, but makeshift shrines multiplied, covered with prayer scrolls. When winter came, the currents of the diminished life cut new courses around them. Gates and windows were nailed shut on the Prefect's orders, against the cold and bandits. Everyone who could, fled the city of funeral pyres for the fume-free air of the countryside.

Yu navigated the festering landscape by feel, drawn to the sickness, but in fear of being caught healing. The charge of blasphemy clung to him as faithfully as his own shadow. He hid away from all: the fairies, the Prefect's guards, and even from the living who did not hunt him. The sick were the only ones he did not hide from since they did not care about who he was. He rarely had the time and energy to fight for what remained human about him.

One afternoon Yu found himself in an alley, with his back pressed against a wall. It was still winter, but it had mellowed to the first hint of spring. The warmth of his body thawed the water caught in the cracks of the whitewashed layer, but Yu was idle for so long that the moisture began refreezing. His had to move, or freeze to death.

He did not.

The craving was there, but it was not enough to force Yu back to his feet in search of the sick. The euphoria of the last healing could not sustain him on its own for much longer. So, he sat down here to rest, hours or days ago... he did not know when.

A statue of a crouching dragon, its maw opened in a perpetual snarl, stared at Yu in disdain. It was set there to guard the entrance to Yu's alleyway against the intruders, and now was just trying to do its job. "I am spent," he told the stone dragon. "And your left incisor is chipped."

A gaggle of faeries appeared further down the street.

Yu could not run. He dropped his head into his lap, to hide his face and his telltale hair under the tattered shawl, and went limp, hoping they would mistake him for a corpse. It would not even be that far away from the truth.

The sound of the faeries' footfalls paused.

He held his breath.

One. Two. Three. Four... Move, for Heavens' sake!

The faeries resumed walking.

Did they know me, and let me be? No. No. Can't be.

Long after the patrol had left, Yu still crouched under his shawl, too exhausted to lean back against the wall. It won't be long now.

"Hey! Sir! Sir?"

Yu took in a deeper breath and the icy crystals scratched his nasal cavity.

No way I am opening my eyes. The ice will hurt them too.

"Are you alive? Please, please, Sir, be alive!" The vigorous shaking followed the shrill voice.

Yu opened his eyes with a sigh.

The girl in front of him looked like a peacock painted in full colour onto the black-and-white landscape of the drab alley. She looked vulgar, bright, and commanded attention, despite being underdressed for the weather or polite society. And dangerously overly-accessorized for this part of town. The contagion did not stop the ruffians from plying their trade; nothing stopped that.

Yu closed his eyes again hoping to sink back into his icy trance.

She will go away. She will be fine. Somehow. I am too tired to do anything for her.

"You are the healer, aren't you?! Please?!" the girl persisted.

Must be my cursed hair. It changed to a brighter shade of red this winter, so he stood out even more among the black-haired Shen. My mother's gifts are poisoned.

"Food." Yu croaked and squinted at the girl. Her mouth and eyes rounded. She rummaged through her silk belt and produced a tiny pouch.

"Sorry. That's all I have. I know, people are starving, and I waste money on sweets, but I get so sad when I don't have them," the girl said and stuffed a few dried mango slices into his hand.

Yu chewed slowly, licking every sticky bit off his teeth. The sickly sweet flavour nearly overwhelmed him, but he managed not to retch. "Help me up."

She did, and he followed her to a small hut. They stepped into the cramped living space right from the street, and Yu felt his craving return with a vengeance. He groaned with effort but suppressed it for long enough to sort out the life signs.

Quickly, quickly. Before I cannot choose.

An old couple. Writhing under the same blanket.

A young man. Too far gone.

An adolescent boy. Tried to get to the water jug.

Did not reach it.

Yu leaned over the old folks and outstretched his trembling hands.

Is that from the effort or the desire? I'll let the faeries sort that out once they catch me.

He no longer had the strength to bother making his healing look like faery-magic to the onlookers, so he just searched for the spirit of contagion. And there it was, feasting on the humans' qi, invisible to all but him unless the demons could see it too.

Yu plucked the minuscule leech out and felt it strike back at him. Even as he consumed it, the spirit struggled to gain the upper hand. It was a strong one, but by now Yu knew all its tricks. In fact, he revelled in its futile struggles. His qi replenished through pain, he was carried on the wings of the healing euphoria for a few moments. It was not strong enough or long enough, he needed more.

Luckily, more was close at hand. With the contagion, the pains were severe, but the reward for his triumph was worth it.

The girl huddled in the farthest corner of the hut, not far from Yu. Tears glistened on her cheeks, but she remained silent. He wished, not for the first time, that he had enough authority to bar the relatives from looking on when he healed, it would have been best for all involved.

He smiled at the girl before moving on to the younger brother. She stirred out of her stupor and crawled over to her parents. The look of wonder she gave him was almost without fear. This small thing added to his next euphoria.

Once Yu absorbed the boy's sickness, he pointed at the elder boy and forced out the words, "Too far gone, sorry."

The pain this simple vocalization brought on was bad, and not only because he should not have tried talking before the healing rejuvenated him. He curled up and waited, aware of the girl watching him.

Haven't you seen enough by now?

As if she heard his thoughts, the girl produced a tiny round mirror from behind her belt and focused on fixing her ruined make-up. He recognized the healing vibe in her actions, not a magical one, but it was healing nonetheless. When bad things happened to her, she dabbed powder on her cheeks or painted her lips, and ate tiny bits of candied fruit.

Yu loathed to interrupt, but he had to the moment he thought about that dried fruit. He groaned to attract her attention, and once he had it, glanced at that magic belt of hers in a silent appeal. Food?

The girl nodded and dug in again. She tried to stuff whatever she fished out into his hand in the exact same way she stuck the fruit into his mouth before, only this time it was not mango, but silver coins. "Sorry... My parents don't have any food, and I have to leave before they come to."

Yu squinted at her, disappointed. He felt like crying, and she misinterpreted his sadness.

"They sold me to the 'Dancing Shadow' three years back. I belong to them no more, see? Their duty is to chase me away if I come here. With bad words, and beatings if need be. It hurts." She spoke from experience, he'd realized. And she did not specify if she meant herself or 'them'.

Both, Yu decided and handed the coins back to the girl. "Money's no good for me. Better give it to the faeries."

Talking came easier now.

"Faeries?! Whatever for? You've healed them!" the girl looked appalled.

Yu sighed and did his best to make her see why it was needed, "They can set the four elements in balance. Not enough to make one's qi to fight off evil spirits this strong, but it will ward the hale."

Those were the sort of things he understood but never had to explain before. He tried again. "My healing will not be enough if more ill spirits show up. Do you understand?"

Whether she did or not, she nodded, "Is that's why the Temple no longer calls you a blasphemer? You work together now?"

"They don't?!" Yu sat up in surprise and immediately felt dizzy.

"Aye. They've stopped some weeks ago," the girl replied. She glanced at her parents' restful faces, and could not seem to take her eyes away afterwards. Mesmerized, she watched them breathe in their healing sleep for a few moments.

Yu felt envious. He'd almost forgotten how it felt to have this much.

"Wish I could help them with Lu's funeral ceremony. But it will only make things worse if they find me here, and him dead. We both must go, blessed healer." She grabbed Yu by the shoulder.

"Please, don't shake me again," Yu pleaded. "I'll leave soon, I promise."

A blush threatened to show through her newly-applied layer of the pearly-white powder. "Ancestors, no! I'm not chasing you away. Come back to the 'Shadow' with me. I'll get you more food. Or anything else. Anything."

"Thank you." He did not think he was up for 'anything', but he needed food.

They stepped outside. This time Yu grabbed the girl's shoulder to steady himself against the cold air.

The night had fallen, and with it, the thick fog swelled up from the Jade Sea and crept up the terraced city above. Yu breathed in a mouth-full of frigid mist and clutched his shawl. After three healings he should not have felt the chill.

This is not a good sign.

Save yourself! Survive! Hunt! The demand in his guts was sharper than pain. He pushed the hunger-instinct back, but barely: food and sleep would have to wait. There was one place in this city he had to return to, there was one qi that he needed to sense. It would calm the hunger.

With a regretful sigh, Yu let go of the girl. "I need to go somewhere first."

She did not seem surprised by a starving beggar revealing pressing agendas. "Come by the 'Shadows' later then. Ask for String-of-pearls."

"I will," he promised again.

String-of-pearls gave him a little wave and disappeared into the fog, undaunted by the curfew.

Yu was bothered by it even less.