Crazy Kaiju Evolution

"I'm a pathetic excuse of a human, I should have just been wiped to a napkin and then disposed of in a biodegradable trash bin or just flushed in the toilet. Left to rot and ceasing to ever exist."

Somewhere unknown, a man who could only be described as average-looking lay on top of a mountain of books—no. Perhaps average-looking would be an understatement, as if one were to take a look at him, one would almost feel like he was familiar, but at the same time, he was not.

And perhaps a mountain of books was also an understatement, as there were probably billions upon billions of books there; even the field out into the distance was actually just a sea of books.

"Why am I so ugly? Tell me, Messiah, why am I ugly?" The man, Lucian, was talking to himself—no. He was talking to a golden skeleton that was lying beside him on top of the mountain of books. Lucian was reading a book; the words, indecipherable.

"And this is it, I close my final book, the final story — and yet why is my very own still ongoing?"

Lucian then stared at the sky, and what reflected in his eyes was a fractured moon. No, several moons. Some were not even celestial bodies, they were ships; space crafts large enough to be seen even on the surface of the Earth… if Lucian was indeed on Earth, that is.

"Ah, woe is me," Lucian then let out a small but very deep sigh before just letting himself roll down the mountain of books; his face even as he violently dropped down, completely devoid of any emotions, "Aw, ouch. Aw. Why am I so ugly?"

And finally, after what seemed like a full minute, he reached the bottom of the literature mountain. And as he did so, he just remained lying down without saying a single word to himself; on his hand was the skull of the golden skeleton.

And after what seemed like a full hour, he finally stood up; pushing away the tower of books surrounding him using the skull and revealing some sort of machinery, a capsule that was large enough for him to fit in.

"Where are they…? Did you see where I put them, Messiah?" Lucian started finding something, and as soon as he saw a collection of books near the capsule, a large smile crawled on his face; a smile which was completely out of place with the rest of his emotionless face. Unlike the rest of the books which had hard covers and thick pages, the books in this collection were thinner and much more vibrant — comics.

"Haa…" Lucian then started looking at the comics one by one before ripping off the jaw of the golden skull, "...I've waited so long, so long to be like all of you — and yet it didn't come. Why…

…Why can't I be sent to another world like all of you?"

And without even any hesitation, Lucian started ripping all of the comics apart using the golden jaw; his face showed no anger, however.

"Why are people like you hit by a truck and sent to go on an adventure in another world, when none of you deserve it?" Lucian whispered to himself as he threw away the golden jaw of the so-called Messiah, "An ugly obese shut-in that likes children, an ugly obese underachiever but has a superiority complex, a bullied child who bullied other people weaker than him, an idiot who only plays video games, a failed businessman who committed suicide, a literal random person who died from overworking…

…so why not me, the man who survived your dying universe?"

Lucian then stretched his arms to the side as he threw all cutlets above him, letting them rain on him; feeling all of it on his skin as he closed his eyes.

"I am a stupid, emotionally stunted ugly man who has lived for thousands of years without having sexual intercourse. A complete loser — that should have been enough criteria to at least be hit by a truck and transmigrate," Lucian breathed out as he started flailing his head back and forth ever-so-slowly,

"I've also saved billions and billions of lives. Did you not like that? Did you not like me interfering with your divine work? They all died in the end, but I still saved them. That should count. I've gained enough karma, so why!? Why do these pathetic humans deserve another life in a fantasy world, and I don't? Why give it to those who are undeserving? Is it because I've challenged your claim, is that it!? Is that because I defied and defeated you, God!? I killed your son because I am merciful, why do you not do the same to me!?"

Lucian's emotionless face started showing signs of anger as he stared at the ruined sky above him.

"It is your fault! Your fault for not putting restraints on me!" Lucian pointed at the sky, "Why would you make me this way!? My mind doesn't stop! It just thinks, and thinks, and thinks! You…

…You're the one who cursed me with limitless knowledge, but not even close to enough wisdom to use it properly! Look at what you did! Now, we're both alone! No…

…you're alone."

Lucian finally calmed down as he looked at the large capsule in front of him, very slowly approaching it while letting out a quiet but manic chuckle,

"Did you… did you really think I won't be able to solve it, God?" Lucian shook his head as his words trembled, "Did you really think that I will not find a way to achieve my goal? With this machine, I will be able to transfer everything except my physical body to another dying person that is not of this world, of this universe you created."

Lucian started fidgeting with the terminal of the capsule; his eyes, reflecting words and patterns on the screen that may as well be scribbles. His manic chuckles got worse by the second as he inputted some parameters, and very soon, the capsule lit up and lasers started shooting out of it and into the ruined sky.

"Ha…hahaha…" Lucian snickered as he quickly got inside the capsule, "This is it. Finally…"

Lucian's snickers and happiness faded away from his face, replaced by a melancholic sigh as he rested his back on the capsule and just let himself fall down.

"I'm tired…" Lucian's face was once again devoid of any emotions as he stared at the mountains of books that surrounded him one final time, "...I hope I become a handsome man who is married to a very lovely wife and has a beautiful child. I…

…I just want to be part of a family. That's all I really ever wanted.

Please, God. Just this once… work with me."

Lucian then closed his eyes as he felt the bright light surrounding him fade into black; his consciousness, slowly moving away from him.

And finally, finally…

Dr. Lucian Grey, the man who attempted to save the entire universe and almost succeeded, takes his breath one final time and—Huh?

But all of a sudden, Lucian could really only open his eyes again as he heard a loud horn seemingly howling from the distance. He ignored it at first, but as it got closer and closer, he saw his mountains of books starting to quake and crumble.

"What is—"

And before Lucian could utter his words, a large truck suddenly emerged from the nearest mound of books right in front of him; its path, right through him.

"No…" Lucian's eyes widened as he stared at the headlights of the truck before looking at the driver, only to see a man, whose face was covered by more than a hundred eyes, looking at him; both the strange man's middle fingers, raised at Lucian,

"...Oh, you petty motherfu—"

And truly, this time, Dr. Lucian Grey, the man who attempted to save the entire universe and almost succeeded, takes his final breath as the truck just rammed through his so-called transmigration machine with him still in it…

…or at least that is what should have happened. Lucian did take his final breath, but he was not gone at all.

At first, he hears the sound of a continuous stream. And then, he felt himself swinging; as to where, he does not know. It felt endless, until it was not anymore.

He soon saw light, and what followed was the face of a man, a giant man; holding him with a single hand.

'This… this is it!' Lucian thought. He had many books that started out just like this, where the main character was surprised to see giants, only for them to be their parents — and that would mean, this handsome giant man holding him was his father.

Lucian quickly observed his supposed father, and saw his ID hanging from his neck.

Dr. Peter Osborne, Deputy Assistant for the Office of Nuclear Defense Against Mages.

It would seem that Lucian would have a very comfortable life moving forward — the only question is now, was where was his mother? Unfortunately, before Lucian could look around the room he was in, he felt himself swinging wildly as his father started walking.

'What the—why are you holding me with one hand, and so violently!?' Lucian wanted to reprimand his father. But of course, he could still not speak as a baby. The only thing he could really do was wave his hands around…

…but he found that even his arms were not present anywhere.

And very soon, his father went inside the bathroom, and Lucian was finally able to see himself in the mirror.

And as soon as he realized what he was…

…he was thrown into the toilet.

He wasn't a baby at all, no. He was the before.

He was sperm, wiped onto a napkin and thrown into the toilet.

And now, as he felt himself twirling around and being sucked into the void of the abyss as his father flushed him down along with the remnants of his millions of brothers and sisters, the only question that remained in Lucian's non-existent brain was…

…why was he green, and not to mention, glowing?

"...Status."

[Special Irradiated Sperm Wiped onto A 2-Ply Napkin No. 69.]

"Oh… great. What a sense of humor you have," Lucian sighed with his non-existent voice as he saw the floating words that popped up in front of him, "At least you have the decency to give me a System like in the novels."

[Proceeding to delete the System…

…System Dele—]

"Oh…

…you really are a petty motherfucker."