1 Could there be a happy ending???

Life was never easy… Not for me… No. Not really… I did get a great childhood for a while. But life got harder as I grow up. Dad's business failed, and my mom got sick. So in the end, to support our big family, dad had to sell our house. And I … I had to grow up… real fast…

I still remember how big my room was. Full of toys and games I loved and the best was I had a connecting door to the master bedroom. I would knock on their door if the night got scary whenever it rains, or when I had a nightmare or even when someone uninvited showed up in the room.

Yes…. Uninvited… when I was younger, I could see kinds of stuff people could not. Dad said I was special… the only one of his children to have the same eyes as him… he taught me a lot… how to ignore them, how to communicate with them, how to make them leave…

There was a time it was so bad I screamed my lungs out and my dad couldn't come into the room. They had locked me in my room because I didn't want to play with them… one of them even possessed my bear and was pulling my hair… the bear was as big as me and I was pretty big at the age of six compared to others in my class… Not fat… but taller, broader and really sturdy… hahaha… Well, back to the incident.

My dad had to kick my door and break it down to get into my room. It got so mad; it threw me to my dad flying like a pillow… even though the spirit was smaller than me…

Okay. It was my fault.

I saw the 'kid' standing alone while walking home from school. It was just standing at the traffic light pole waiting… I have seen it a couple of time but keep ignoring it… but that day, it was just so pitiful that I couldn't take it anymore…

According to the kid, her parents were driving home when a bus didn't stop for the light and hit their car… her parents survived, but she died on the scene… she couldn't remember the way home so she stayed there waiting for her parents hoping that she might see them and go back home with them.

My heart was hurting hearing her story, so I asked her to follow me home and play with me for a while.

Like I said… it was my fault…

Inviting her home was the first step to a miserable night. Asking her to play with my bears and dolls was another… in the end; she didn't want to leave and wanted to play all night. I was so tired I tried to chase it out of my house but it got the better of me…

I couldn't remember what happened next… all I remembered was that my dad grounded me for a month for doing something stupid. He also threw away all my dolls, bears and anything that could be possessed by spirits… even all my Teletubbies collections, the bear that was possessed by the kid, and the vintage china dolls aunt Munah bought for me since I was 3.

Things were great back then. Even though dad and mom were busy all the time, dad will try to spend as much time as he can whenever he is home. Due to work, he had to travel a lot. And my mom was a secretary; her working hours were inconsistent too.

Most of the days were spent with after-school classes, ballet and piano lessons. I also had Silat every Thursday evening for self-defence and character building. Dad said, even though, I was born a girl, I still need to be self-reliant and be independent.

That itself was the best decision, I believe, my dad made for me growing up.

My dad was my first best friend. I wasn't close to my mom. I don't know why either. Perhaps, since I am always with dad, I could bond stronger with him especially after the business closed down. Whenever dad was working in town and had more time to spend with us, He would send me and pick me up from school. Up till I was in Polytechnic and even until I started working… The time in the car was spent with us talking about school, assignments I had, my after-school activities and other topics that we have interest in general. And that includes current affairs. Actually, I was forced to discuss it… hahaha... I quote "You have to know about the current affairs. This is for your own good and your own future". When I started working, the conversations got broader… it ranges from current affairs domestically to internationally, religious topics and to my love life!

Perhaps, also because I was his only child, he spent more time with me. My dad married my mom who had her own children from her previous marriage. Her first child stays with my maternal grandparents and her daughter followed us. My sister was great. She took care of me really well too. I can see that my dad loves her too. He makes sure to give us all equally. Even though my mom may be stricter with her being the elder, my dad still pampers her too. Well, my mom, she is a person of action. When we get caught doing wrong, she punishes us by beatings. By wooden rulers, canes, belts, my dad's police leather belt, hangers, and whatever she could get in her hands…

Dad, he was the nagger… and sometimes, he will punish me by sending me to the dark balcony with the lights off for about an hour or two… That itself was a greater punishments thanks to the sight I have… Though, the sight was forcefully closed by my dad after that incident. But that didn't stop me from being afraid in the dark. As I know, they might be lurking around even when I no longer see them. Sometimes, I can feel their presence around me. That feeling got stronger as I grew older and my sight slowly came back even though I can't see them clearly now.

And since I have an elder sister, I grew up wild. Like really wild… my parents got called to school so many times by the teachers and discipline master that when I was enrolled to Secondary School and the Discipline Master, Mr Muthu, was his senior from the Police Academy; he presented him with a cane! Even the Vice-Discipline Mistress was my cousin who married my uncle. Whenever the couple comes to my place over the weekends for family gatherings, it was like an interrogation session. My dad will ask my cousin about my behaviour and my school performance (she also happens to be the Head of the Language Department and my Malay Language class teacher).

Sometimes, after dad sent me to the gate and drives off, I will exit the school to play truant. One day, I was window shopping at the mall with my friends and without my knowledge, they were shoplifting and stuffing the items into my school bag and was caught red-handed by the shopkeeper through the security cameras.

The lady was nice. She knew that I was not aware of the incident and had asked me nicely to wait by the counter while the police handle the rest. Well, I really was unaware of it. I even spent about $20 at the shop buying accessories. So since the police were involved, our parents were called too.

The first thing my dad did after arriving at the scene was to slap me hard in front of all to see. He did not even talk to the police. In his thoughts, I was one of the perpetrators. As I said, I was the wild one in the family… So this was common for me… but on the day I decided to be a good citizen by buying my stuff, I got slapped by my dad due to a misunderstanding. What luck! He didn't even apologise to me after getting the story from the police and shopkeeper. His response was it was also my fault since I hang out with this type of crowd. The slap was so hard, my left cheek was swelling and you could see the handprint vividly. I had to skip school the rest of the weeks and lock myself in the room to avoid being in public. Even my dad could not pull me out of my room. I will only secretly go out of my room to get food when no one is around or when it's late at night.

Even the school I was in was chosen by me. I forged my mom's signature since it was easier than my dad's. Since I wanted to be in the same school as my friends, I did what I did… With my grade, dad wanted me to go to a girl's school. A convent school actually. Plus, I hate the uniform! It was in 2 different tones of green. I hate green!!! Why can't school uniform be black? All black school uniform would be so awesome. And the school uniform I am wearing was white and grey... at least, it was closer to the colour I loved. My dad tried to ground me at home after knowing my misdeed, but since, both my parents are not home all the time, I still get to go out in the day and hang out with my friends. So dad had to stop my allowance for the first 3 months of my Secondary 1 life and forced me to bring lunch from home on my school days.

On my first day of school, my first friends in school were Solomon and Abbas, they were sitting behind me. My deskmate was a girl. Since I was like a boy; I mixed with the boys more than the girls. Naturally, most of my friends are guys. I was really close to Abbas. He and Solomon felt like we've known each other for so long. We even played with the scissors, cutting Solomon's finger to test our hypothesis of how the scissors are not sharp enough to cut human flesh. I know it's silly but hey, it proved us wrong! It was so sharp, Solomon's finger was cut deeply and was bleeding so profusely that a simple band-aid wasn't any help. We have to run to the school nurse for help.

But in the second year, both were dropped a class since our school works in a grade-centric system. The first class of each stream were always the top forty at their own level. And with that, we even had no choice in the subjects we were to take for our GCE "O" Level. My class had to take both Accounting and Triple Science. My request to drop literature was finally approved after failing it 3 times, intentionally. And my application for Art class was rejected. Luckily, I could take History instead of Geography for Humanities. If not, perhaps, I would have failed my exams badly. All thanks to the 2 subjects I really don't fancy.

We even had compulsory Ballet and Modern Dance classes, Singing Elective Class and swimming lessons. We also had an English Theatre class every Thursday during the second year. I hate swimming since I drowned twice when I was younger... but the other 4 classes were fun.

I also joined Choir and Saint John's Ambulance Brigade for the Compulsory Curriculum Activities. And since I love reading, I also joined the librarian team and from there, I was introduced to the Scrabble team. We even represented our school at the national level and country on the international level. We were also featured in World Guinness Record for hosting the biggest concurrent game tables in 2005.

With the full after-school activities, my temperament got better. I even spent lesser time with the group of troublemakers. Though, my mischievous character revolves around home and school. But the numbers of times my dad got called to school got lesser and reasons for being called were more to getting into a fight with boys that resulted in violence.

School life got even more exciting when I was in year 3. There was an intra-zone Futsal game between schools in Saint John's Ambulance Brigade Zone 3. That was when I met my first love...

**********

"Run! Chase the ball, Don! Don't let the other team catch it!"

I was playing the goalkeeper during the game. Since our team only had 3 guys and all the rest were girls, our team was a mixed-gender team while our opponent was an all-boys team since they were from Saint Joseph Institute.

Don was dribbling the ball towards the goal. If he scores, that will be our first goal. Everyone was so focused on the ball and our opponent. Saifuddin was helping Don by blocking the opponent on his left flank while Eddie was blocking his right flank. Since I was stuck at the goal post, I could only help by shouting words of encouragements. Hahaha

But before the ball could score a goal, it was stolen by the rival team. The boy kicked the ball away towards another teammate who then ran towards me avoiding the rest. He was around 20 feet away and he kicked the soccer ball hard. As I was trying to block the shot from entering from the upper left of the post, it hit hard on my chest and went upwards towards my chin. Due to my weight and the intense pressure from the kick, I was thrown backwards and fell unconscious. When I came to, I was already on the stretcher and Priscilla was hovering over to make sure I was comfortable. Priscilla is one of the alumni that came back to support us.

The guy who kicked the ball towards me was also sitting beside Priscilla. My breath stilled. His glistening focused eyes seems to suck my soul. With a slightly sharp nose and red plum lips, he looked ethereal.

"Are you okay? If your head hurts, just lay down first. The game is still ongoing," Mr Taufiq, our teacher-in-charged; who was standing over my head said. "I have also called your dad to pick you up but he couldn't make it. He asked you to grab a cab home and will have your maid to wait for you later."

"I'm fine" my voice was softer than I wanted it to be. My throat hurt when I was trying to speak.

"Here, take this" the guy who was sitting there quietly suddenly spoke. He then passed me a bag of ice. Maybe he already expected this would have happened. I took it and just nodded my head in thanks. "Sorry, I didn't mean to kick it so hard."

"It's alright. No worries" my voice was cracking.

We watched the rest of the game from the side. Eddie took over as the goalie after I was knocked out. Our team lost the match by 1 point. While watching the game, we got to introduce ourselves and get to know each other… To be honest, I really love looking at his eyes. They are so beautiful. He has this soft yet sharp gaze. At times, his hazel brown eyes would stare intensely on the game, as if he wishes to be there in the field. But his tremulous smile quirking throughout make his looks; mesmerising. His name keeps playing in my head like a broken recorder, Joel Tai Kai Sheng.

"Where do you stay?"

"Huh?" Was he talking to me? "I was asking, where do you stay?" Oh, he did ask me! Is he going to send me home? My heart jumped at the thought of this cute man sending me home…

"Yishun…"

"If no one is going home with you, I can send you home…" OH MY GAWD!!! He wants to send me home!!!

"It's okay, I can just take a cab home" I tried to keep it low. But my heart was racing through each controlled breath.

"No, I can send you home. If you don't mind riding a bike, that is" My lips automatically curved up. "Sure, that is not a problem. But do you have an extra helmet?" He responded with a soft laugh that sounds like bells ringing to my ears. "I can get one quickly. Wait here, I will be back."

The boy walked away from the court and disappears through the canteen. I turned my gaze towards the court watching the new match that just started. This time, the game is between First Toa Payoh Secondary School against Yishun Town Secondary School. The game was not as rough as our game but the screams are louder since both teams have the same mixed gender ratio where a majority of the girls chose to be the unofficial cheer squad for their respective teams.

The loser of the game will then compete with my school for the third place. Since this is a friendly game, with only four schools in the same zone, all schools will receive a small token of appreciation prepared by the Headquarters.

While watching the game, my brain suddenly registered Joel's offer… Ride A Bike! Does he have a license? Is he old enough to have a bike license? Damn, how old is he? But he was playing in the game right? That means, he should still be a student of the school right? Aww man… What if he is a student-teacher? Shucks, I might not have a chance to ask him out then. My heart slowly sank as time goes by and the fact that I may be asking an adult out and get rejected registers in my head.

After about 15 minutes, Joel came back and sat beside me, passing me a bike helmet. "Here, try this. I think it should fit you." The black Fly Racing full-faced Retrospec helmet was heavy in my hands. "It's my brother's. But he is not home at the moment. So you can use it without feeling guilty" He explained while giving me his Darlie-Perfect smile.

"Thank you." I put on the helmet and tighten the strap. It is a little loose but with the tightened straps, the helmet will not wobble much. "Are you sure you can ride a motorcycle?" I whispered to his ears with the helmet still on my head. "Don't worry, I have gotten my license a few months back" I nodded my head in apprehension while removing the helmet.

"How old are you? Are you a student-teacher?" Still whispering. I do not know why but I just can't seem to voice out my curiosity.

Joel shook his head "Neh, I'm an alumna. Came back to support the team."

Ahh… no wonder… that means, he should be in Junior College now. With that, my heart started to beat harder. The tips of my lips sprung up in glee.

"So which rank are you in right now?"

"I'm still a Corporal. Only Sec 3 this year. What about you?"

"S.O. I continued to Officer-Training-Course after I graduated from Sec 4."

"You are so lucky...Saint Joseph Institute students don't need to take "O" Levels right?" I was envious of these specialised schools… they have direct admission to Junior Colleges after completing 4 years of studies in the institute.

"Yeah, but we have a proficiency exam which we still need to pass through. It is somewhat the same as "O" Levels". Ah… I guess, the school system, though different; still have an exam conducted as a graduation exam.

"What's your plan after "O" Levels?" he looked at me. "I wanna enrol to Junior College then continue to be a lawyer" I replied confidently. A lawyer. Yes, a profession I have been eying since I was young. Just like my idol, Joan Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the second female justice of four to be confirmed to the court of the United States of America on 10th August 1993. ON MY BIRTHDAY!!! Hahaha... well, THAT was the main factor as to why I made her my idol. We had to do a project when I was 10 to search for successful world-known figures which have an important date that coincides with your birth date.

"That's a good goal." Joel smiled. God, thank you. Thank you for creating the most perfect smile for my eyes to gaze upon.

"What about you? What do you want to be in the future?"

"I want to be a pilot" His lips curved slightly, shyly…

"Wow… that is even better than mine. I wish you get to achieve your dream."

While we were having fun talking, Sir Thomas called for us to gather. The games have come to an end and it was time for the prize presentation. Since I was still a little bit under the weather, the two of us stayed on the bench.

After the whole event had officially ended, I said my goodbyes to my friends and teachers before following Joel to his bike. A 1999 Ducati M900 Chromo. One of the Ducati Monster bikes that caught my eyes two years prior thanks to my dad's obsessions to Ducati and Harley Davidson's motorcycles. Not precisely a two-person bike. I have a big butt! And with the raised back seat, it means I will have to lean towards his back! A PERFECT CHANCE FOR ME TO HUG HIM!!! But I already perspired a lot and don't smell good. What will he say?

While I was reevaluating the pros and cons of the ride, I couldn't hear Joel's question. "Hey, are you okay? Is your head hurting again?" I looked at him. Blank minded. "Anas, are you okay? If the bike is no good, I can try to flag a cab" Joel added.

"No, I'm fine. Just surprised…Hehe" I gave him a peal of soft laughter. Damn… I lost myself in my thoughts of the bike. "Let's get going" I put on the helmet.

"Hold on tight. When we are turning, just follow the flow, don't move your body to the other way…"

"I know… Don't worry, this is not my first ride" I cut him out. To give him assurance that I know what to do when being a pillion. I leaned on him and hug his waist. I could feel my face growing warmer. Luckily, with the helmet and the fact that I'm sitting behind him, he would not be able to see my red face.

The ride was a smooth journey. Once we were in Yishun vicinity, I showed him the way to my home. After reaching my apartment building, he even walked me to the front door. My sister was the one who opened the door for us. Seeing a guy sending me home, my sister had a black face.

"This is Joel, my senior from S.J.A.B." I quickly said to lessen the tension in the air. She has this gaze as if she was going to kill the guy who sent her baby sister home. "He sent me home because I was not feeling well."

"Are you okay? What happened?" My sister looked at me and saw the bruising on my neck and chin. Her gaze was no longer showing a killing intent. Using her hands, she tilted my head to the sides to look at the extent of the injury.

"She fainted after being hit by the soccer ball. We didn't get to send her to the clinic earlier since she didn't bring any IC(identification card) for us to register her." Joel replied before I could say anything. "Well, since you are already home, I will make a move first." He looked at me and smiled.

"Wait…" My sister called out to him. "Please, since you have sent her home and it is quite late, why don't you stay for dinner? I guess both of you have yet to eat dinner right?"

"Yes, Joel, why don't you stay for dinner? We're having hotpot today…" I tried to pull him in with the idea of a warm dinner. My mind was also trying to find other ways to make him stay. I NEED TO GET HIS MOBILE NUMBER! Hahaha, I already decided to be his girlfriend. How can I let this golden opportunity get wasted! I was grinning like a hyena just thinking about the idea of us being a couple. Plus, this is also a chance to show off my skills…

"Sure, if you insist." Joel finally agreed and entered our house.

Not long after, my parents arrived too. Since it was the maid's evening off, she didn't stay for dinner. Apparently, as my sister was home after she was contacted by my dad and my sister was okay with her going off early, the maid had already left an hour before I reached home.

Dinner was great! My parents really enjoyed Joel's presence too. Joel was like a magnet, attracting everyone's attention. It was hard for us as a family to gather like this since both of my parents and sister are working. I was especially happy that night because Joel could join us.

After dinner, it was soon to evening prayer time. My parents retreated to their room to clean themselves and prepare accordingly. As for me, I was accompanying Joel in the living room with tea. We talked and I was even lucky to exchange numbers with him.

We also had lots of similar interest. Surprisingly, Joel likes to cook too! And baking was his forte… But I like to cook dishes more than baking… though I love to eat desserts and cakes more than cooking. Hahaha.

"Hey, are you going to the Summer camp?" Joel asked before he made a move out the door. It was dark out and it was time for him to go home.

"Yeah, I have already registered with the school. Why?"

"Great! I will see you there, then…"

"Cool! We will meet again soon, huh? Take care riding back, Joel" we both smiled at each other and I looked at his back as he walks away.

Closing the door, I took out my phone and messaged him. Ride safely! Let me know once you are home so I will not worry. Thanks again… for sending me home.

That was the first step to a long friendship that ended in courtship and a beautiful relationship.

**********

"Happy birthday, baby." Joel kissed on my cheek lightly while handing me a bouquet of chocolate roses with a cute red bear wearing a heart pendant around its neck sticking out in the middle of the bouquet.

Today was my 16th birthday. As it falls on a school holiday, since it was the day after Singapore's National Day, we've got the day off. Joel as picking me up before we proceed to Sentosa to celebrate my birthday with our friends.

Since it was my birthday, I decided to dress up for the occasion. I chose to wear a sleeveless white lace round neck A-Line cut knee-length dress my mom bought for me last month. I even got my sister to help with doing my hair up with tiny Jasmine flowers pinned to make a crown.

"Thank you, baby…" I thanked Joel for his gift. "This is so cute!! I love it so much." Joel then took off the pendant from the bear's neck and helped me to put it on. The silver heart-shaped pendant goes well with my attire.

As we were going to celebrate at Tanjong Beach, I matched my dress with white calf-high gladiator sandals.

Joel was wearing a white highlander shirt with laces up the standing collar paired with black jeans and leather boots. To be honest, he looked like a sexy pirate in modern time! All I wanted to do was just to 'taste' him all night long!

Arriving at the beach, our friends surrounded us and dragged us to our tent. Under the tent, we have a big round table with lots of bite-sized snacks and fried bee hoon. There are also four different drinks and I was sure at least one of them was spiked.

By the corner, there was also a portable barbeque pit and some marinated meat ready for grilling.

The first few questions that flashed through my mind after seeing all these were, 'how much does this cost? How much will I have to pay for these? Will I have enough to pay for it?' Bearing in mind that I'm no longer the rich girl I used to be…

However, as if he knew what was going on in my head, Joel whispered to my ears when he managed to get alone time, "Don't worry, my brother and dad sponsored 70% of the cost" he snickered looking at my expression.

With hands over my opened mouth and wide opened eyes, all I could do was just stare into his eyes. I thought his family did not like me at all. The last time I went over to his house, Joel got into a fight with his father and Joseph's face when he sent us out was really sad. No, it was rather looking disappointed. At us…

The birthday celebration went really well and I truly enjoyed myself. I can't remember the last time I had my own birthday party. The past years, it was always celebrated with a small gathering at home with my family.

"Did you have fun?" the man looked into my eyes while sitting by my side in the cab sending me home.

I nodded my head grinning away like a little girl. "Thank you, baby. You really made my day. In fact, this is the happiest day of my short life!" I replied. It was indeed the happiest day of my short life. And I knew he knows it too.

"Baby, will you tell me why you fought with your dad the other day? You still have not told me about it. I am truly worried…" I asked him. That question has been eating my heart away. I really did not want Joel to fight with his family for me.

"It's nothing. It's not about you. It's just that, a few days before bringing you home to meet my family, I told my dad about me wanting to convert to Islam. I will be doing it after my 19th birthday."

"What! Are you serious?" I was shocked to hear his answer. I knew he has been learning about Islam but I didn't know that he would make his decision so fast. I thought it would take another year or two before he decides to convert.

"Yeah… and when my dad saw you, he thought the reason why I wanted to convert was because of you… He wasn't aware of my studies…"

I grabbed his hands and held them in mine. I looked at him at looked into his eyes, "Baby… give him time. Maybe the first step you should take is to be more upfront with your family. I am sure they feel disappointed now because they have never thought about you leaving your religion. And my presence just made it more confusing for them." I then released his hands and cupped his face before slowly pulling his face nearer to mine.

Just before our lips could meet, the cab driver coughed, "We're here." he said. I looked away from Joel and straightened my back before taking out my wallet. But before I could pass the money to Joel, he pushed it back into my purse. "Uncle, can you wait here for a while? Let me send her up and we will continue to Merryn Terrace near Whitley Road." Joel informed the cab driver.

Joel pulled my hand and walked me up the stairs to the second floor and waited for my maid to open the door for us. Once I was safely home, I saw him jogged back to the cab and the cab drove off.

A year had passed since we've known each other and I do not regret any moment of it. In fact, I strongly believed that we were meant for each other.

That night, after a long evening being out and partying with my friends, my body was really exhausted. By the time I finished my shower and lay down on my bed, I fell to sleep straight away.

**********

Joel's birthday soon came and the day he has been waiting for hits the door. Tomorrow, he will be having his circumcision at the clinic. The good thing was, Joseph and his dad are also coming along after Joel had a talk with his family to explain his reasons for converting.

His neighbour and friends from Darul Arqam were also going along as supporters. I wanted to go but I decided not to since he might be embarrassed to see me seeing him all nervous and in pain.

A week passed and Joel finally completed his conversion ceremony at Darul Arqam. The most touching moment for me was the fact that my dad volunteered to be one of his witness during the ceremony. After the ceremony, both of our families went out for dinner together at East Coast Hawker Centre.

"Uncle K, thanks for being my witness," Joel said to my dad while we were waiting for the food to be served.

"Hahaha. No worries! That is just a small matter. In addition, I am happy to be of help," my dad replied. The families were bonding with each other. After dinner, both our parents became friends and I was closer to Joseph too. It really warmed my heart to know that our families could be cordial to each other despite the difference in ideology and religion.

Not only that, Joel also expressed his intention to fortify our relationship in front of our parents. He also said that he doesn't intend to be married at a young age. He just wanted to hold an engagement ceremony before he flies off to the UK for his studies.

My parents were reluctant at first. But with Joel's parents' support and agreement, my dad also relented.

**********

Months passed and the leaving exams starts. After months of studying and revising, I felt so nervous. Its either I fail the exam and retake the year or pass the exam and move on to ITE for my nursing course.

Growing up, I wanted to be a doctor. To help people and myself. All because when I was six,, I got really sick and was hospitalised for a very long time. The doctors said I have a condition where my body is unable to produce healthy red blood cells. Hence, they had to do lots of blood transfusion before they could operate on me to do a marrow transplant. I spent almost a year in the hospital. That was the main reason why I had a big collection of dolls and soft toys :)

Unfortunately, I wasn't smart enough. Hence, I decided to be a nurse instead.