9 Of Mice and Very Confused Men

I probably should have run or something, but honestly I was very curious as to how these tiny little mice planned to kill me. I mean, wouldn't you be? They're mice; itty bitty critters the size of my thumb, give or take an inch. Were they planning to infect me with a disease? Eat all my food and slowly starve me to death? The possibilities were endless and mostly woefully inefficient.

Then the lead mouse, who had just spoken and announced my death, stood on his hind legs and held out his tiny front paw. Then there was small flash of purplish light, and the mouse was now holding what appeared to be some sort of pulsating black needle.

Huh.

Well I hadn't expected that one.

"Lord Zaga'ra, grant me the power to slay this fool," the mouse shouted, its tiny high-pitched voice somehow managing to sound weirdly intimidating. "I offer his blood up to your glory!"

"That's really not necessary," I said, stepping back and feeling slightly silly about trying to retreat from and talk down a godsbedamned mouse. "You don't need to offer my blood up to anyone, honest."

With a dramatic flourish, the little mouse pointed its tiny blade at me. "ATTACK!"

"Well, shit."

With that, a fucking wave of mice surged toward me. Even if they weren't led by some kind of evil mouse warlock, that many mice could probably bite me to death if they felt like that; it was very clear that they felt like doing exactly that. So I spun around and ran, not bothering to pause and wonder how in all the hells I had ended up in this situation.

I dashed out of the alley, and immediately skidded to a halt. A green-scaled, golden-eyed woman was standing in the center of the street, holding a scary-looking black sword pointed at me.

"You are awakening to your destiny, my love," Seriin said. "I'm sorry, but I need to stop you now, before that happens."

<I wish we could run away together, and spend our lives away from all this.>

I blinked. "What did you just say?"

"I said I'm sorry, but I need to kill you."

"No, the other thing; about running away together?"

Seriin stared at me. "I didn't… do you want to run away together?"

"KILL THE PEACEMAKER!" a tiny voice shouted from behind me.

I glanced behind me and saw the encroaching wave of fur. "Uh, right now I just want to run away in general."

Turning back to Seriin, I saw that her face had hardened, and her eyes had narrowed at the mice behind me.

"They wish to kill you?" she asked. "They shall not."

"Um, thanks?"

"Only I can kill you," Seriin declared. "It is my duty, as an agent of the Serpent Throne."

And suddenly she was running past me and swinging her sword all the various mice, cutting through the nearly solid wave of tiny furballs. "Run, my love!" she cried. "I shall kill you another day."

You know, I gotta say: at this point that sounded like a great deal. I ran through the moonlit streets as fast as my feet could carry me.

This was, all in all, a very strange night.