6 Chapter 6

I get to class with Mark walking with me. I never noticed him in my class before. It's weird how I never noticed anything before. The time showed that it was still early. At least ten minutes until bell.

"I didn't get my homework done." Mark mutters.

"You want mine?"

"No, I will get it done real quick. Its mainly multiple choice. But thats why I came to class alittle early. " he says and takes his seat. I take my usual seat in the back. I know Ryan will be here any minute. I feel nervous about talking to him. I avoided him this long.

I put my ear buds in and play music while I start reading the next chapter in my textbook. At least I can get ahead alittle. I pull out my notebook and start writing notes down.

I feel my hair getting pulled and I look up to see Ryan sitting next to me. I smile up at him. He pulls on my ear bud making it fall from my ear.

"Hey" he says looking me over alittle trying to get a read on me. I can feel his eyes trying to get answers. "So you have been weird since yesterday and then you went missing. "

"Yeah we should probably talk."

"Let's start with after school, where did you go, since you didn't respond back to me at all."

"I went behind the school and sat on the bleachers thinking. Something was said to me yesterday and I was upset. "

"What was said to you?"

"That you see me as more than a friend and I'm preventing you from dating."

"Well your my best friend and I don't feel the need to date anyone at the moment. I don't really talk to anyone else."

"It's because I'm to dependant on you that your stuck taking care of me."

"Mia, it's always been us against everyone else. I will always take care of you. I was in your house and saw what happened to you. I hold you at night when you have nightmares. I have always been there for you. Why do you want to change that?"

"I just don't want to be the reason girls won't date you. Everyone thinks we're together. "

"Where did you go after the bleachers? "

"Jake offered me a ride home and we stopped for pizza. I then ended up staying at his house."

"So you would rather be at Jake's than with me?"

"Ryan, this is hard. I don't want to lose your friendship but I'm not sure what's going on."

"I don't understand either Mia. We were best friends a minute ago and now your worried about my personal life? "

"You don't see me as more than a friend? " I ask again.

"Maybe someday. But not right now. Mia, I don't think that you have it in you to be in a relationship. It would be to much for you. You can barely get thru the day. You stopped feeling safe when you were six. You have spent to long putting up walls to protect yourself and you need to protect yourself. You're monsters live with you. You're my best friend and I will always look out for you. " He says pulling me into him. He wraps his arm around me, while I have tears going down my face. He's right. I'm broken.

We sit there. I draw back into myself. My face puffy from being upset. I just wipe my face off with my sleeve. It's then I smell Jake and remember the sleep I had. I remember his mom made me lunch even though she doesn't know me. I start to smile because no matter how bad my monsters are. I have people who tried to take care of me.

I look up to see Ryan looking at me weird. Was I obvious in smelling the shirt? I sniff it one more time like the weirdo that I am and start paying attention in class.

I get thru my classes, I don't even bother sitting next to Candace. I saw her looking at me. But I saw Jake's friends and I decided to just sit with them. They included me with everything going on and treated me like I've always been a part of them. I haven't gotten to know the cheerleaders. I guess there's always later.

I get to my locker and Jake's waiting for me. I throw my stuff in and follow him to lunch. We get to the table and I sit next to him as if I do it all the time. I pull my feet underneath me as Jake breaks out our lunch. He puts a Gatorade in front of me and hands me a sandwich.

This one sandwich is the size of all of my sandwiches for the week put together. He's got one to and I just look at him like are you serious? Its got to be two pounds of Turkey on it. It's fucking delicious and I might be full for a year after this sandwich.

"So we were talking about going to the mall after school to go on go-carts. Do you want to go?" Jake asks me.

"I've never been on a go-cart. What is it?"

"It's so much fun. So you definitely want to go." Mark answers.

"Okay. " I shrug and keep eating. Jake hands me an orange. I realize his sandwich is gone. How? I try to eat faster and I'm full. I drink my Gatorade feeling like my pants are going to pop. I rest my head against Jake's arm. He looks down at me.

"Im so full. I don't think I can move. How do you eat like this every day? " I ask and he starts laughing at me. I just keep my head against him. Thinking all I need is a nap.

"Did you talk to Ryan? " he asks quietly.

"Yeah. I think he feels like I deserted him. But he at least knows what I'm thinking. So its not like I'm hiding anything from him. He doesn't know it's Candace though. I ignored her all day. I decided if she wants to say something she can, otherwise I'm done. She has this weekend to take her shot at Ryan. I guess I will find out Monday what happens." I tell him. He nods at me.

"Okay, but Ryan kinda looked hurt when he looked over here earlier." Jake said and my heart broke. I pull out my phone and shoot Ryan a text. Saying I'm still his best friend and I will stay at his home next week. With little heart emojis and poops.

I can do this. Things will work out. They have to. We leave the cafeteria and finish our classes. I'm ready to see what this go-carting thing is about.

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