32 Chapter thirty-two: I'm sorry

Rian's POV:

As if I have another choice... I exited my room and headed downstairs to open the front door and to stop the continuous ringing of the doorbell.

-'Who's this one who loved to press the bell? My goodness, doesn't he know that we have neighbors?'-

I asked myself before I stopped and opened the door only to face my husband looking rugged with his jacket on his shoulder and his forehead on the door frame.

And then it hit me, Cari knows he's coming and I don't have to ask her again who informed her just by the non-stop beeping of her cellphone. 

"Alex-------"

My voice died in my throat when he suddenly lunged at me and hugged me tightly.

He didn't say anything, he just hugged me. His breath smelled so much of alcohol. He repeatedly kissed my temple and my forehead and then put his head on the crook of my neck.

My traitor heart wanted me to hug him back but my mind also screaming inside about our 'talk' earlier. I already gave him myself, my heart and everything that I have in me 

I know he noticed my unmoving response and he looked at me. But I stayed emotionless and avoided his gaze.

"Baby."

Just by hearing that endearment, my tears welled up in my both eyes but I don't want him to see those tears, so I immediately blinked them away.

"What are you doing here?" I tried to ask him in my coldest tone.

"I'm sorry."

He sounded like he's in pain but I remained silent. He lifted up my chin and tried to catch my eyes.

"Look at me, please." he pleaded but I just turned my head to the side.

"You're drunk."

"I know, but I'm okay."

"What are you doing here?" I asked again my first question.

"I wanted to see you and I wanted to apologize for what I did. I know I acted such a jerk earlier. Baby, I'm --------"

"Alexander, you're drunk. Just go home. Let's just talk about this tomorrow."

"Baby please, don't call me that." he said in a bit surprised by the way I called him.

"Don't call you what? Alexander? But it's your real name, so what's wrong with that?" note my sarcasm.

"Baby, please. It hurts me when you call me by my whole name. I know you're mad at me right now and it's my fault. I didn't listen to you and I'm sorry."

-'huh! You're hurt? How about me? I expected you to follow me, but you just drove away'-

I silently screamed inside my head, but my mouth chose to say a different thing.

"Call your driver to send you home."

"Baby-------"

"You can't drive in that state." I continued not listening to him.

"Baby, I'm okay. I actually drove here alone-------"

"No, Alexander! You're drunk, you can possibly meet an accident if you drive home with yourself."

"I can sleep here, so I don't have to drive ------"

"No!" I shake my head. " You're not going to sleep here, and we will not talk about this issue tonight. Let's just--------No!" I held up my hands when I noticed that he's going to kiss me.

Pain was clearly evident on his face when he saw my reaction. I wanted to do the opposite of what my mind telling me to do.. to hug him, kiss him and tell him that I'm not actually mad at him... but no. I also wanted to show him how hurt I am not just by the way he did after I exited his car but by not trusting me.

I know we were just starting our relationship after four years of actually and legally being married.. and we need to establish more time to prove that we can be together with or without the contract. But we also need to establish first the number one foundation to make every kind of relationship to work---- trust.

"Go home, Alex. Even you wanted a talk right now, I don't think my eyes can stay awake by the time you finish------"

"Just let me explain, please?"

He pleaded again, but I managed to stand my act. I don't really want to talk to him right now, because I don't know if I can hold back my tears when it started to flow and hug him instead in the process.

"Give me your phone, I'll call Mark for you!"

I said referring to his driver as both of my hands went to his pockets searching for his phone. Started from the pocket of his jacket that still hanging on his shoulder, down to his pants and I found it.

But before my hand could get it inside, a hand instantly stopped me and the next moment, I was pinned on the wall with both hands above my head and his lips on top of mine.

I wanted to protest but he bites my bottom lip that caused me to gasped and that gave him permission to enter his tongue inside my mouth. It was a hard and hungry kiss that made my mind swirled in anticipation. But as soon as his other hand landed on top of my breast, I came back to reality and used all my strength to pulled my hands and pushed him hard.

"Alexander, no!" I glared at him as he almost stumbled by the sudden force he received.

His eyes shows so much emotions.. shock, hurt, disappointment and confusion.

"Just give me your damned phone and I will call your driver!" I shouted at him. If I just bring my phone to me when I left my room, I don't need to ask for his phone.

"You don't need to do it for me. I can do it for myself."

The sound of his voice makes me want to hug him and give in to his apology. But thanks God, before I could listen to my heart, I saw him getting his phone and dialled something on it.

After a while, I heard him talking to his driver. And after that, we both fell into silence. I walked towards the couch and he followed me but seated on the other side.

I hold back myself ---hard--- not to burst my tears and jump on him and kiss his sullen face.

We waited up to fifteen minutes in silence. No one dared to talk or start a conversation. I can feel his stare on my face but I keep on looking down on my hands. All that we heard in that moment was our both intake of sharp breaths.

When we heard the horn of a car from outside, we both stand and walked towards the door. It's not actually one of his car. Mark chose to commute by a cab. And as soon as he took his first step outside...

"Goodnight, Alex." and I didn't wait for him to reply or to react. I immediately closed the door and let the tears flow down again on my cheeks.

When I heard the sound of his car driving away, I clutched my chest as the sudden surge of pain. I wished I know by that moment that only Mark was in the car, and Alex stayed outside the front door, waiting for me to open it again. 

When I walked back again to my room, I found Cari sitting on the end of the bed, probably waiting for me.

"What happened?" she patted her side informing me to sit. And I did what she want.

I started to cry again as I tell her what happened. She just hugged me again and patted my shoulder.

And my tears doubled when I remember my brother also doing this to me when I am down and sad. But no matter how I wanted to call him this time, I know I should face this on my own. I am not a kid anymore. I am a married woman now and have a husband whom I don't know.. was still outside of our door.

I fell asleep thinking Dani was the one hugging me to stop me from crying.

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