Maladaptive Daydreaming..? (pt. 1)

It's impressive how perspectives change people's point of view around them, like a blank canvas, where they paint and expose themselves to their sense of truth.

Truth? What is truth, you say? There is no such thing as the truth. A diabolic lie after another— contradicting truths after contradicting stories, to a certain extent where nothing feels real anymore. A doubt that consumes a man, the man's greatest, most vicious enemy. Should a man have any personal beliefs? Or ought a man to cast suspicion on everything?

If you believe in something you consider as truth, chances are it is based on a falsified premise. On the other hand, we will never grow if we always have doubts in ourselves. We humans must cling on a belief to function for a purpose, regardless of the morality of such a perspective.

It's a pain to realize that there is no middle ground, just a contrasting, opposing difference between two ideas.

But tell me this: Do you think we can't overcome these kinds of restrictions?

Yes? No? Perhaps?

There is a way.

How?

By creating our own sense of truth...

...our own sense of reality.

[MASUMI's POV]

An average fourth-year high school student with average looks and seemingly average intellect. Everything about me is just as plain as it gets, simply due to my mediocrity in all aspects of whatever you can think of. It's not that I hate being average, but I don't like it either. I don't want to be looked down upon.

People are not often straightforward with their ill intentions, but I get picked on sometimes, especially those who hail themselves as the "best of the best". Well, I don't know about that, that could just be their illusionistic desires after all, which is why I always let it slide. Engaging in it won't prove anything, you know?

That's the reason why I want to work hard.

But... 'working hard' is easier said than done.

I was so bored that I unknowingly began daydreaming in front of my class. Speaking of which, sitting here at my arm desk while our teacher schools us with loads of trivial topics can be uncomfortable. Well... it's not like it 'can be', but it is indeed an uncomfortable space for a slacker like me.

I couldn't sleep to pass the time since I was sitting in the frontmost row of the class. I couldn't do other things since, well, for the same reason that I was sitting in such a precarious place, our teacher could see everything. I'm pretty convinced that her stare is so intent, like a thread in a needle; she must have been staring at my soul.

In short, I kind of hate school.

RING! RING! RING!

Phew, it's lunchtime, the only subject that I truly and genuinely enjoy. An hour of subtle and temporary rest from loads of superfluous information is something I need to relax my mind from my academic duties.

"Yo! Wanna grab a bite later?" As I was having a peaceful lunchtime with myself at a table far from the crowd-gathering places, Nakamura Ken, a good old friend of mine, sat beside my table with his bento lunchbox.

"I wanna rest for today. I was busy all night long so I wasn't able to get some good night's sleep." I told him with food stuffed in my mouth as I continued munching down on my lunchbox.

"Oh? Let me guess, you've been busy composing a love letter for Katsumi, aren't I wrong?" He looked at me as he raised an eyebrow.

Immediately, I nearly choked to death had I not brought a water bottle with me.

I was flustered when he suddenly brought her up, so I was initially going to make up an excuse.

"W-What do you mean? It's not what you think it is..."

"...yeah, it is." Not wanting to consume my already-depleted energy, I eventually surrendered myself to Ken, who seemed to know me best at times like this.

"Don't be shy~" He began teasing me as a result, elbowing me on my right side to further distract my peaceful time in my table. "You should make a move if you like her that much. That is if you even stand a chance! Hahaha!"

"You little…"

"Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!"

I annoyingly pinched his cheeks as he begged me to stop. Geez, he really dotes on this habit of teasing people.

Speaking of which...

"Well, well, well… talk about the elephant of the room, eh?" Ken pointed at the table on the opposite side of the cafeteria.

Something has caught my eye.

There, my eyes are glued to a specific direction for quite some time. The staggering presence that caught my attention the moment I took notice is someone whom I've admired for so long. Her semi-short braided black hair paired with a blue ribbon is her iconic trademark, accompanied by her dark brown eyes and a semi-tall hourglass figure. That's the "Golden Girl" for you.

I admit, I am a bit head over heels for Nagasawa Katsumi, the school's most talented individual, for being both an actress and a singer with an immense, dedicated fanbase supporting her every day. On top of that, she's the top student of Section 4-A, considered as the 'star section' of our batch. Together with her unparalleled beauty and insurmountable charm, she is definitely the school's shining star, and she deserves all of that.

Adding all of the aforementioned factors are the reasons why I would never have a chance to advance through, let alone interact with her. A bunch of wealthy, handsome men are already after her. She probably deserves a decent man unlike me.

Bold of me to assume that I had the slightest hint of a chance to miraculously win her heart.

God forbid, why did I even bother making a love letter? In hindsight, I probably wasted my time—but my emotions got the best of me, and ended up doing it anyway.

Well, what a bother. I just did all of that effort in vain.

"Yeah…" I said as I rested my head on my left hand on the table. "I guess all I could do was look from afar. There's no way I have a chance—"

"Come on, you're just belittling yourself! You won't lose anything if you try, you know? Well, apart from embarrassing yourself…"

"You're no better! Plus being in a relationship is one heck of a nuisance!"

"Oh? So you were considering a relationship if you did confess, huh? Now that's one ambitious goal you have there!" A sadistic smile formed on Ken, which earned a glare from me.

I pinched his cheeks again out of annoyance.

"Stop it! You're not even in a relationship and you're talking like you have one!"

"Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! I'll stop, I'll stop!"

"Geez, you're such a nuisance…"

I packed my things afterwards as I prepared to return to our room.

"Oh well, I'll head out first. I'm going back to our room."

"Oh, okay. You're not really coming?"

"I physically can't... my body would probably collapse by that time..."

"Alright…" He gave me a pat on the back as I stood up from my seat.

"Alright then, see you later." I said lethargically while looking at him as I left the cafeteria.

I took the "love letter" I had made from my pockets as I passed by our hallway, unaware of most of the lively atmosphere of students clamoring and chatting on all sides around the area. I considered stashing it away, never to be seen in the face of the Earth. But as Ken's voice echoed in my head, I was reminded that I shouldn't let this opportunity go to waste.

"Make your move already!" At the same time, however, his voice really annoyed the hell out of me. His nagging will probably make me go crazy if I don't pursue this lame course of action.

Deemed and empowered with a new motivation, I went to the locker room and looked everywhere for her locker. Five minutes have passed, and I have finally found her sacred locker.

This is it! I just have to slide this stupid confession letter inside...

Of course, I looked around to see if there were people nearby. Thank goodness there isn't.

I sneaked my letter into her locker. I even double-checked just to make sure I didn't place the letter in the wrong place, with the hopes of going through this smoothly and without any issues whatsoever, which explains my cautiousness.

That was anti-climactic. What was that all about? I was unnecessarily nervous, probably overthinking about things.

I walked back as if nothing happened.

I began overthinking about it, unaware that my imagination was running uncontrollably wild.

In hindsight, however, I didn't notice my senses leaving my half-conscious body.

It was... peculiar and unusual.

My imagination was becoming so crystal clear, it was frighteningly amazing.

But then, those imaginations became uncontrollable.

Those thoughts...

It is not a thought anymore.

It was like a dream, but it felt so real.

It was like...

My body entered another world.