2 2. The Road to Recovery

'Where am I?'.

That was the first thought that came to my mind when I opened my eyes. My brain was disoriented. I couldn't see anything clearly.

All I knew was that the hell I was living in was not over. I thought that God had it out for me(1).

When I came to my senses, I realized that I was in a hospital bed.

"Miss, can you hear me?" , asked the nurse when she saw that I had opened my eyes.

"Yeah,how did I come here?", I replied.

"It was a guy who brought you in(2) but he left immediately after he came to know that you would be okay." answered the nurse."I am going to call the doctor to check up on you."

She left the room and a few moments later a middle aged doctor entered the room.

His experienced eyes were looking at me sharply.

"Can you state tour full name, miss?", asked the doctor.

"Noe Lane"

"Do you know where you are?"

"In the hospital"

"Do you know why are you here?"

I couldn't help but be ashamed about it now but I still answered."Because I took too many sleeping pills."

He was silent for sometime as if debating whether or not to continue asking me questions. In the end, he decided to leave at that and began checking my vitals.

"You are vitals are normal. I have contacted the psych department and Dr. Williams will be here soon to check up on you. It's mandatory.

After analysing your situation, he will give you the diagnosis and you will discharged accordingly." Then, he left without giving me any time to answer.

A few moments later, the door clicked and a beautiful lady, who couldn't be more than 25, came in.

I was mesmerized by her. She looked so elegant and poised that I couldn't help but be jealous of her.(See how my mind works. Instead of being anxious about the psych session, I was more concerned about her looks. It was a testament to the fact that all my life, I had been surrounded by people who cared more about looks and vanity rather than character.)

She said in a gentle tone,"Hello, I am Dr. Williams." She looked at my chart,"And you are Noe Lane."

She cut straight to the chase and asked,"So, Miss Noe, why did you feel like taking an entire bottle of sleeping pills?"

The incident that was so deeply etched in my mind that it swallowed up my entire life wanted to come out in the form of words. All the hurt, anger, resentment, disappointment and dissatisfaction tried to make its way through my mouth. So I said what I truly felt, "I just wanted it to stop hurting."

I felt like I could breathe again after speaking those words out loud. That was the most honest answer I could have given.

Maybe, just maybe, this could be my salvation and I could finally find my way back.