9 Love Letters and Misunderstandings
Title: Tragic Tale of a Candy and a Monarch: The Confession
Genre: Romance, Tragedy
One-Shot:
September 12, 2018
To His Highness, the Emperor,
A pleasant day to you, your highness! This is me, a simple lady from a simple household, which I'll hide in the name Sweet.
I am indeed a simple person, who has achieved something miraculous as being by your side every day at the school. Though I'm not technically always by your side, but still, we are within the same room. My words may be full of superfluousness, but please do pardon me since I have this mindset of "Kung gagawin mo naman, wagas wagasin mo nalang."(If you are going to do it, then do it to the fullest)
I just want to tell you my affection, my admiration, which had been fueling me with inspiration.
I wanted to be frank to you ever since I've identified this admiration of mine, but my friends and even you yourself have told me that it is not a good move since the 'friendship will be broken'. My best friend even told me that 'A woman must not make the first move,' and when I retorted 'What if the chance is lost because of it?' he replied that 'If the man didn't take the chance into his own hand, then it was his loss.'
My friends' word weren't able to change my mind, hell! Even yours did not! It was my best friend who fed my pride and persuaded me at the same time which in turn, caused me to hide the admiration within my mind, satiating it with short glances and brief conversations with you.
However, as I saw you together with others, talking with them, laughing with them, and being with them, I was engulfed with envy which I know I don't deserve to feel. I'm only a friend, and a new one at that, unlike them whom you have spent your whole four years of junior high, and because of this, a new thought entered my head.
Maybe we are just not fated, not destined, and our future is bound to be doomed.
With that, I thought of giving up. Of forsaking this admiration of mine so that I'll be free from committing one of the seven deadly sins which is called 'Envy.' But I would like to say, that before giving up, before my determination (if there was) was completely dried up, I thought of another way to remove this stifling feeling of jealousy, and ended up admiring them due to a quotation which is "Love the person that the one you love, love, in this way, you can prevent that hurtful feeling once you sees them together."
Though it's not 'love' but 'admiration' and not 'the person' but it's 'them', when I practiced what it said, I found myself admiring her, which I'll hide in the name First Lady, and this may be due to my slight bisexuality which I doubt I have. With this, I was deeply enlightened that it is all just a slight infatuation that will go nowhere, and just like a glass that was subjected to a tremendous force, that infatuation turned into a plain admiration that I can easily remove by just thinking how annoying you can be at certain times.
This certain times include those very, very irritating times when you just pair me up with other guys! Hell! First it was him, then him! What in the freaking hell is your problem your highness?! Can't you see that the other is just a very good friend because he can understand me and the other, well, I can't even say anything about him? Because of this, my mind can't help thinking of this:
My affection has been stolen by an oblivious thief who believes that it is on the hand of another man.
Anyways, let me return to the main topic. The reason why I have decided to do this, write a freaking Love Letter to you is due to a certain senior and a friend, who had both advised me not to write this letter or to confess at all. It is certainly in contrast to what everyone had told me, but still, now that all have changed, I couldn't just stop my hand and write, or more likely, encode this.
Now, the question comes to what changed my mind? Well, it's simple.
My thoughts were once disoriented, and at times, rationality left me, but when I remembered life, when I remembered how cruel it can be, a hook fished my heart out of that beautiful underwater dream.
It's just that I remembered that I'm a student, and I still need to protect myself from the temptations that might ruin my future. I have promised that I won't enter a relationship before I graduate from a college and my current thoughts regarding you seems very contradictory to it. I don't want to disappoint my family and especially my sisters that I have been thinking of something as shameful as being in a romantic relationship, and even though I know that even if I thought of it, it won't necessarily come true since it is just a one-sided admiration, it is still a very shameful act to think or even wish for such thing.
Still, in the very end, I want to tell you, after that 849 words above that talked about my admiration and circumstances, that my feelings have turned to that of a good kinship befitting a splendid friendship. I hope that you will consider this letter as a fertilizer to your confidence considering that someone was once infatuated with you (LOL), but still your highness, I hope that this will not affect the current ship we are riding which is called Friendship.
In addition, I promise that you are the first and the last person whom I'll give this kind of letter within my whole life.
Thank you for reading up until here and may God bless us always.
-Cordially yours,
Sweet Umbrella
P.S. I will not ask for your reply because I know whatever it may be, nothing will come out of it until 6 years later, wherein if we still meet and I don't have someone in my heart, when you ask me something answerable by yes or no, then I'll answer right here and now with a "Yes" kasi #AdvanceAkoMagisip (#IThinkInAnvance)
September 14, 2018
To His Highness, the Emperor,
Greetings, your highness! It is me again, the simple lady from a simple household who had built up the courage to write a letter to you two days prior, though you might end up accepting this and the former at the very same day.
You might be wondering why in the nine heavens and eighteen hells does the mail contain several letters, which I still can't put a number here in this particular letter since I don't know if I will suddenly decide to write another one, and fret not, the reason is actually simple: It's because I don't know if I need to change the date on the first letter when I edit it and also that I want you to understand the gradual evolution of my feelings as days passes by until the time by which I've decided to give these letters to you.
So first, let me talk about evolution, about change…
There is nothing permanent in this world, except for one thing, which is change.
The passage above is a like a paradox, or maybe, it really is one. All things, all person, all of these changes, they don't stay the same, and this is permanent. Change is permanent, just like how there is no permanent but change.
Everyone changes, everything changes, just like how I felt for you.
The first time I saw you was obviously during the first day of class, and that time, no offense please but you were not a bit attractive to my eyes and that whatever love at first sight whatnot didn't happen to me. The thing that was on my head was that you have some kind of relationship with one of our classmate who was sitting to my right at that time since almost everyone teased the both of you with 'ayee' and such during our group activity at Oral Communication.
At that time, I knew that you were cut out to be a leader since everyone chose you to be one, and with that, I inferred that you are smart. Please don't think badly of me, but because of that, I thought of befriending you since I have always been told to befriend good and smart students so that I wouldn't be influence to take on the wrong path. However, you were just too far away and I was far too shy to just initiate a conversation with a stranger especially a boy so I disregarded you and became contented having those near me as my friend because they are very much more better than having no friends at all.
As time trickled by, I just considered you as one of those boys that I don't have to bother myself with since I already have my dear girls with me, but this started to slowly change when our sitting arrangement was changed. You and the person whom I'll hide in the name 'Sir' became close and since I've always seen Sir as a very benevolent person who have taken this Sweetie as his friend, I often found myself being together with him and his circle in which, by then, included you, the Emperor.
I don't know if I'm thinking too deeply into it, but you were quite enthusiastic regarding my native language and starting at that time, we spoke a little bit more than in the past and I slowly acknowledge you as a friend, though I didn't know if you also felt the same. In my mind you were a simple guy who is very smart at math and is one of my new acquaintance that, maybe, I can call my friend.
Starting from those days, I slowly learned things regarding you, about how you love reading, regarding your love for playing instrument or music in general, and other things like how you are actually quite lazy in your own way.
I guess, my feelings for you started changing by the time I have learned that you loved reading, especially long ones. Because as a bookworm, I really appreciates people who can see the beauty of books and the stories within them, and trust me, I rarely see males who loves reading and have the patience to read those staggering thousands of pages. But as a person who have a not-so-slight but still slight memory problem, I can't really be too sure what really made me appreciate you, whether it was 'Harry Potter' or Nicolas Cage's books or maybe one of those other books that I have read which you also know.
However, during those times, it was only the feeling of appreciation and happiness of finding a kindred spirit. The next catalyst to the evolution within my heart was that one time when you played and sang that particular song of 'Owl City'. To be honest, I don't remember what its title is, but I'm certainly familiar with that song and I was really surprised that someone also knew that not-so-popular song that my sisters liked. Then after that came the Bluestone Alley.
I first learned of that song from a piano tapping game which I have already forgotten the name. I was very much enraptured by it because it was the first song in the game that I acquired three crowns and I thought that maybe it was my lucky song. The second reason for my love for it was the fact that it was composed by a Chinese and as a Xianxia lover, I couldn't help but loving the other culture of that not-so-reliable country, thus when I heard you playing it on the ukulele, it immediately piqued my attention like a cat to a catnip.
After that event, I considered you to be a very, very good person to be friends with, but you were slightly different from Sir in a way that I saw you as a boy and saw him as a best friend material since he was just too much like my very best friend in my hometown. Furthermore, please don't tell him, but at first, I actually saw Sir as bisexual if not a homo, then after knowing his true gender which is neither gay nor bisexual but male, I can't seemingly erase my first impression of his gender. Thus, I can't seem to find any reason or courage to just pop up and talk to you, unlike with Sir whom I can talk and ask to anytime of the day.
At that time, it was purely appreciation and desire to be a good friend and what really triggered me should be that time when you got a haircut and wore your uniform.
I don't know why but I really, really, really liked that neat appearance of yours. Especially at that time when you started to wear the necktie, I couldn't help but inwardly nod on how good and formal you looked. Maybe it's just my eccentricity on wanting to follow rules and be controlled by it, but seeing you on a proper attire and decorum of a student, I can't help thinking how better you were than our other classmates.
But now that I have written this, a certain thought entered my mind, as in! It really entered my mind as I tapped my fingers on the keyboard for the paragraph above! Why the hell did I only feel that for you when there were other males that have worn their uniform before you? Ah, maybe it's just the wonders of the mind? After thinking for quite some time, I suddenly remembered something I told Sir regarding a reason why I feel admiration for you, which is my father.
Actually, I don't know if I already told you this but even if I did, I'm still going to write it. I already had two person whom I have admired and like you, they had dark skin tone which I always say I hate, they were not so tall, like a head taller than me which I always wished from a man, and they were also around my age unlike my 6 years older dream guy. After analyzing this, I found out that all three of you had similarities with my father, except for the height part, but unlike the two, you had something I like that they didn't have.
You are smart also logical, rational or whatever other '-nal' there is just like my father and if ever I see you being a killjoy maybe my heart might just really beat fast.
And more that everything, you are a realist, just like me, or at least it is what Sir had told me.
I am a simple and level-headed girl. I may not have a high IQ, but I'm quite confident with my EQ. I may not understand other people but I understand myself.
At my first letter, I have written that 'my feelings have turned to that of kinship befitting a splendid friendship.' I really wished that it really did, but after talking things with Sir, this little sweetie me realized that I was in denial just like him. I still had this affection for you, it didn't disappear nor did it lessen, it just stayed the same.
As I never felt love before, I can't say for sure if it is what I feel for you, but I can be quite sure that this is a type of infatuation, wherein after a brief research, I learned that it is 'to inspire with foolish or extravagant love or admiration.' After that, I looked up to what admiration and love meant, and saw that appreciation was synonymous of the two, so was devotion, affection, esteem, respect, attachment, fondness and many, many more…
With that, I thought, what if it is love? What if it is admiration? Since I can't decide on which, then I'll just call it appreciation. Because in the very end, it is just that feeling of affection, respect, attachment and fondness that I felt for you. It is a mix of many things that can either be classified as love or admiration.
After this, as a realist, I knew that this is something I can't control, not something that I can stop if I just said 'stop' and instead of lying to myself and to you, the Emperor, I just want to come clean and tell the truth, maybe this way, you can also appreciate my appreciation to you.
At the same time, as a realist, I know that I will not get everything I want and wish for, so it is very much okay for me if this affection of mine is unreciprocated, and truth to be told, I'm even more afraid if it really is because I don't know how I would feel or respond if it is really reciprocated, which I'm expecting is not. I really can't help but laugh at my own indecisiveness when Sir asked me what I will say or do if, if, if you tell me that my affection is not unrequited, because there seems to be a tiny bud within me that is wishing and hoping.
Infatuation is really a bad thing, I can only retain my rationality when I return to my hometown, and when I go to school, when I see you, everything just go haywire and my logic leaves me.
I think you know the reason why I'm eager to confess since I already told you at the food court, but I really hope that this will not destroy our friendship just like how you told me when I asked you about confessing. I will not act the same as the person whom I'll hide in the name of Oppa, who just annoyingly stares at me and is always sheepish with no courage and bravery to confront his own feelings but I'll be the straightforward girl that I have always wish to be.
I will give you this letter and will actively converse with you. I will not be one of those meek girls who just blush when they sees their prince nor will I be a freaking girl-in-denial who will avoid you like you're the end of the world. Maybe it is because it is only appreciation that I feel for you, no blushing, no fast heart beat and no--- anyways, enough with all those denials. This letter is already four bond papers long and it might have been very boring to read, and I'm sorry about that, I just love writing so much, especially when I'm inspired.
In the very end, I hope that you will not avoid me when we meet again because that will just be too devastating for me and I hope that we can continue riding on the ship called friendship together with everyone in your empire.
-Inspired
Sweet Umbrella
P.S. I'll be thickening my face for you, Your Highness, so please, when we meet again, act like I didn't gave you this, and by cause and effect, you haven't read this letters. I may act the same or a little more enthusiastic toward you but please don't avoid me, don't be so awkward and just remain the same or maybe we can become a very good friend.
P.P.S. I think it is already obvious that you better not tell anyone of this, but Sir just told me to be sure that you will not tell anyone, especially your best friend at the other empire by the name of Newton.
P.P.P.S. Though it is quite okay for me if others knew, I'm just afraid that you might be bothered if others tease either you or me.
P.P.P.P.S. SKL, I won't be bothered if ever I'm teased with you since it's true, I'll even be happy if that happen 'cause everyone seems to be pairing me up with the wrong guy.
P.P.P.P.P.S. Though it would be better if you still won't since I'll be quite shy (LOL). But really, I just want to fill this last page ;)
September 19, 2018
To His Highness, the Emperor,
This is the third one, your highness, and by this time, a week had already passed since I wrote the first letter and almost a month of having this feeling of appreciation for you.
This day, I have learned of a somewhat shocking information from Sir. It gave me mixed feelings of surprise, happiness, disappointment, confusion, sadness, anger and then hopelessness. It was like riding a roller coaster, especially after our long conversation yesterday, with you sitting on your throne and me on the seat directly in front of you.
Yesterday was an undoubtedly a happy day for me, as I have once again uncovered another side of you which I greatly appreciate which was being religious. Though, it wasn't only you and me since there were others who were present, still, being able to talk to you in a close proximity about a topic that I greatly like really made my day and made me wish that every day was like yesterday.
No awkwardness nor silence, just plain conversation about things.
I returned to my rented quarters with a smile on my face, like any other day when something good happens that included both you and me. Like that time when we first walked home together, or that certain Thursday when you and I met at the road and walked, side by side, to school or even at that time when I saw you walking by the street as I was on the road which I doubt that you'll remember.
Everything was good and well this morning. When you arrived, I said 'Morning!' with a waving hand, and then you'll reply with the same 'Morning' or sometimes 'Good morning.' It became a ritual for me, to always say greetings to you and this became one of the numerous reasons why I hate Mondays, since you'll always arrive late at the flag ceremony, and I won't even notice that you were already behind me, thus losing my change to say my daily 'Morning!' to you.
Morning passed like a breeze dragging along the daylight scent and as we were freed earlier, Sir, me and the other Ladies talked about my intangible Ship of romance. It was this certain period where I learned that you already know about my affection, my appreciation to you.
I was, of course, surprised and this quickly turned into happiness as I have always wanted you to notice this appreciation of mine but then came the disappointment. Why? Because I have planned a lot of things for my confession to you, though there will be no fluttering pink leaves as I hand you these letters nor will there be a guitar on my hand as I let passersby hand red roses to you, still, Sir and I was already planning for a RomCom situation.
After a short while, confusion crept to my mind when rationality returned to its original place in my head. I was wondering how you have learned of my appreciation to you? Then Sir answered that it was your 'Guts.' I was quite happy since, finally, your guts guessed correctly this time, you didn't pair me with that guy whom I'll call CEO, or with Oppa, or even with Sir.
However, this confusion didn't return to happiness since cold sadness came and replaced that befuddlement when I heard from Sir wherein you thinks that I am only doing it to 'MISLEAD' you and Sir.
Oh Golly! Mislead!? For goodness sake, your highness, your guts finally had it right but why won't you believe it now? Do I really look like that type of person who have so much depth?
I'm not the deep blue ocean, nor am I a shallow mud-brown puddle. I'm a clear lake, shallow at the corners, deep on the center, but everything beneath can be seen through the colorless water.
A chatterbox, that is what I am, and I oftentimes blabber about my life, family, and even secrets when I found someone nice to talk to. I don't want to coop my thoughts inside my head, doing so only makes me more depressed and due to this nature of mine, I never liked to scheme, much less do something to MISLEADING. I am honest with my words, or at least I always try to, so why in the freaking hell do you think that I'm only doing this to mislead people?
I don't care about what happens to others, but if it involves me or the people I care for, I'll be like a cat, walking directly to my death just to satisfy my curiosity and questions. I pestered Sir to tell me the reason or the person whom you thought that I truly have affection and in the end, it was the combination of your highness' and Sir's problematic mind. You thought that I was only doing this to hide my true feelings which I hold for either CEO or another man which Sir have past problems with which I'll call Spell.
Seriously, why do you keep doubting my affection? Is it really that undesirable? A fire burned in my heart as my head felt anger, it was not only caused by you, but also Sir, whom I don't know why, but believed on your conspiracy theory!
But enough of that, let's move on to that feeling of hopelessness which is still lingering in my heart as I write this letter.
Once again, through Sir, I found out that someone had already gave you something like this a year or so ago. I was greatly discourage as I learned the fact that she was a splendid author.
…
I just want to tell you, your Highness, that I'm really not a determined girl. Once an enemy comes to sight, one which looks very hard to defeat, I'd rather wave a white flag rather to prolong my agony and make myself suffer.
This time, I certainly have no doubt about it, but all that I feel for you is pure appreciation as you are a kindred spirit of mine.
You are not the right one, not my destined person, nor are we fated by a red string called love.
I don't know if this is just another denial in my mind, but I'm quite sure that hope is slowly dripping away from my heart.
The red slowly disappearing, leaving behind nothing, but a gray container.
Maybe I was really hoping that we will set sail atop a ship called Partnership, but seeing all of these obstacles, all of me, my heart, body and mind are just becoming tired. Realizing this, I finally broke away from those intangible binds which I never thought was there.
With this, I finally freed myself from Hoping for Something.
Though I can't deny this feeling of appreciation, being freed from those shackles of Hope made me feel liberated as to how I should act and feel.
My heart just entered the state of tranquility. That state that will wish for the best of you, even if you won't appreciate my appreciation for you.
I entered a state that maintains the solitude of my mind.
-Serenely
Sweet Umbrella
P.S. Don't worry about anything, your highness, let us just continue how it has always been as I'm really contented with it and whenever you need help, as long as you think I can aid you, just ask for it for I'll do everything I can do. I'll be more than happy to be of use to you.
+-x/=/x-+
Written in a beautiful cursive writing, the letters were placed inside a scented envelop that bulged due to the thickness of the folded papers within. Holding the pink envelop with both of her hand, she placed it atop her chest where her heart is beating louder and faster than usual.
In her mind, she would encourage herself, telling her own reflection at the mirror that whatever happens, everything will be fine.
Grooming herself once again, she placed the letter in her bag and proceeded to walk to her school.
Today, she'll be giving the letter to his highness.
Today, she'll be confessing her love to him, the Emperor.
Today....
Suddenly, her mind froze as she crossed the road…
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
It was his highness, the emperor walking by the street, obviously heading to school.
As if pumped with chicken blood, she toughened her face and ran toward him and courageously greeted 'Good Morning Master!'
Turning his head, his highness saw her and with a light smile, he greeted back with a 'Good Morning.'
With that, the two walked to the school side-by-side. They didn't talk. They just walked and within this silence, she felt a little awkward but remembering something, she heaved out a sigh and told herself to keep calm.
When the two was near their room, she saw Sir, her new best-friend in her new school, leaning at the railings and slightly jogging, she left Emperor a few steps behind and with a smile on her face she greeted 'Morning!' and was replied with the same greeting.
Glancing behind her, Sir gave Sweet a look as he raised his eyebrows.
"You walked with him?" He asked.
"We met at the street by the intersection." she replied, still with the smile plastered on her face, without a change in her voice nor expression, she faced her best-friend and said without hesitation—"I won't give the letter to his Highness."
Hearing the resoluteness within her words, Sir froze for a moment and with an inquiring look, he asked Sweet the reason and was left dumbfounded as his brain digested the girl's response…
"I want to confess to him verbally… I want to express my affection directly in front of him… I want…." Still with a smile on her face, which turned more ambiguous as seconds ticked by, she didn't continue her sentence and rummaged through her bag.
After a while, she fished out a pink envelop within it and gave it to him.
"As my beta-reader and a semi-editor, you can have this." Sweet seriously spoke as she placed the letter on top of her best-friends palm. "It's such a waste to throw it since I really put so much effort on writing it myself! You just don't know the pains my hand went through!"
With that, she entered the classroom leaving the still dumbfounded Sir outside by the railings.
A while later, Emperor sneaked behind Sir and snatched the scented envelop from the hand of the frozen youth.
"Ayeeeeeeee!!!" His highness teased as he played cat and mouse with his friend, "It was Sweet who gave you this right?" He continued but considerately controlled his voice.
"Stop right there and return it idiot!" Sir shouted as he tried to snatch back the envelope.
Knowing that Sir was really angry, Emperor let out a silly laugh as he returned it to whom he thought as the rightful owner.
With a wry smile, he observed Sir and sighed out, "As I thought, my guts were right again, wasn't it?" Unable to understand the question, Sir gave him a questioning look.
With a 'heh', Emperor turned his back and started walking back to the classroom. "That I was only used to mislead someone," he murmured to himself and as he entered, he was met with the beaming face of Sweet but as their eyes met, Sweet's face froze and immediately looked away.
'Guilty.' He thought, completely unaware of his misinterpretation and wondered how Sir didn't notice that he was being misled by that new girl.
'Sweet obviously like you, you idiotic Sir.' He whispered to himself but deep within himself, he felt a little bit idiotic too…
'It's a good think that I didn't expect that much.'
After the classes ended that day, Emperor left the room without doing his cleaning duty though he didn't forget to tell Sir about his departure since they would usually go home together.
Watching the disappearing back of his highness, Sweet could only let out a sigh as she thought that it was a big chance missed since she didn't know if she can maintain the courage she acquired that day.
"Oy, Sir. What happened to his Highness? Why did he leave so early?" Sweet asked with a tint of sadness in her voice.
"Why would I know?" With sarcasm, he replied and continued cleaning the room.
"Kahhh, the courage is leaving me Sir… I don't think I'll be able to tell him face-to-face…" Sweet grumbled to her best-friend who just ignored her as he did his duty properly.
After speaking all her grievances, which lasted for more than an hour, the two was about to go on to their separate ways at the school gate but before doing so, Sweet told Sir that she wanted to talk to him in facebook which the youth acknowledge.
Later that night, Sir received a message from Sweet and saw that the girl immediately logged-off after sending him the message, and unknowingly, the message made him sigh out in relief and was able to sleep well that night.
[I won't confess anymore.]
The following days were the same as the previous days… All was well, all was good.
A candy hid her feelings, a monarch deeply misunderstood, while the scholar who wasn't clear on what he really felt clearly reaped the biggest fruit while being oblivious to it.
