I rode the night bus with Justin like I did the first time we went to a party. This time the party was at the frat house instead of at Mike and Vic's apartment, and it was only slightly further away. But apparently the space was bigger, and they needed the extra space if everyone was bringing guests.
"Justin, I'm going to try my best to be totally chill, okay?" I told him, ironically losing my balance as the bus hit a small bump. Justin just chuckled and rolled his eyes as I picked myself up. But I meant it. Maybe the whole frat process had been stressful for him, and if I could make his life just a little easier I would.
"It's fine, just, do whatever okay?" He said, reassuringly. I gave him a worried look and he smiled again, putting a hand on my back."I won't even give you shit about fruity drinks . . . I mean, as long as you take shots with us."
"Oh, I don't know, I don't really like taking shots, you know? I'm not very good at being drunk," I laughed, awkwardly. I mean, really though. I had a hard enough time functioning while I was sober and I didn't really like the way I felt the one time I had been drunk before.
"No one is," Justin laughed. "I promise, it'll be more fun that way."
"Oh," I said, shrugging bashfully. I thought about it for a few more moments before finally giving in. "Okay, but be sure to cut me off if I get too crazy."
"Yeah, sure, because you're a party animal, right?" he asked, sarcastically. I just shrugged and followed him as the bus came to a stop. We walked a little ways up a sidewalk and up to the house that the party was already well underway in. Blaring lights, pounding music, and an air of smokiness. I briefly wondered how they could do all of this without getting in trouble.
The building was packed full of people, and I was overwhelmed right away.
"I wanna find Vic," I told Justin.
"No, come with me first, you can go make out with your boyfriend later," he teased, nodding down the hall. I sighed and followed him again, though I kept a close eye out for Vic. I didn't see him anywhere though, so I thought that maybe he and Mike hadn't shown up yet.
Justin and I met up with two guys that I recognized from the first party I went to with Justin. They were standing at a table lined with paper cups and handing them out to people.
"Hey, it's the D-man," the bigger guy with the beard said, his speech already sounding slurred. I just smiled awkwardly as Justin bumped fists with him or whatever.
"Hey, yeah, you remember Kellin, right?" Justin said, referring to me as both guys turned to look. I gave a small wave as the other one grinned. Good impressions, good impressions . I wanted these people to like me, for Justin's sake.
"Oh yeah, Kellin. Nice pants," The other guy chuckled. I smiled.
"Oh, wow, thanks," I said, happily. I guess these guys could be nice after all.
"Anyway, I'm Alex, this is my VP, Jack," he continued. "You can just let us know if you need anything at all. Have fun, and don't be afraid to get fucked up."
Jack then handed me one of the paper cups and I peered inside to see only a small amount of clear liquid. I twisted the cup in my hand nervously. The liquid inside didn't look very appealing to me.
"What is this?" I asked, nervously.
"It's a shot, just throw it back," Jack said, as if it should have been obvious. I glanced towards Justin who was giving me an expectant look. I sighed and just downed it as quickly as I could. It burned and I grimaced. I hated the taste of straight vodka.
"You alright?" Alex laughed, commenting on the fact that I was grimacing horribly. Oh god, I hoped I wasn't being too embarrassing for Justin.
"Yeah, I'm great, I just - I need a chaser," I choked, looking around for something to get the taste out of my mouth. I could feel the liquid warming my insides and I knew it was only a matter of time before I was drunk. To say that I was a lightweight would have been an understatement.
"Well, here, have a Jell-O shot, they're sweet," Jack offered, handing me another plastic cup, this time with a red gelatin at the bottom. I was unable to suppress a pout, because really, this didn't seem like it would be much better.
"You don't have like, juice or something?" I asked, looking down nervously at the cup. Then, I looked back up and around like the juice was just going to magically appear for me.
"What, you can't handle a little Jell-O shot?" he snorted. I noticed Justin looked a little uncomfortable, so I decided to just bite the bullet and try to be 'cool' for him for once. I let out a long sigh and squeezed the Jell-O out of the cup and into my mouth. I mean, it was tasty, but I knew things like that were dangerous because you could get super drunk off them without even realizing it.
"Alright, well, let's get to partying," Justin said, steering me away from the two of them. We went into the main room of the house where people were dancing and I really didn't know what to do. Justin was probably looking for a girl to dance with and I was just looking for my Vic.
After a while of standing around I finally found him and Mike over by the table. I brightened immediately and hurried over to go say hi. I immediately brightened and ran over to him.
"Boyfriend!" I said, excitedly as I approached him. I was already feeling buzzed, and as a result I just burst into a small fit of giggles.
"Hey, Kells," he said, turning to me. He had a bit of a weary smile on. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm great, I'm so cool . . . like, just so great," I laughed, placing my hand on his shoulder. I barely noticed Alex and Jack exchanging smug grins with one another. The alcohol was just hitting me really hard really fast. Which, I really didn't think anything of anyway.
"Really? You sure? You sound a little silly," he teased. I laughed again. He was so funny.
"Because you're funny," I giggled, throwing my arms around his shoulders. "I l ove you."
"I love you too," he grinned, squeezing me back. I just wanted to stand there and hug him forever and
ever and ever.
"Well, alright love birds, you should probably split up," Jack said, coming over to me and throwing an arm around my shoulders and pulling me off of him. I was about to protest when he continued speaking. "This is a party. Gotta meet some new people right? You see him all the time."
" Oh ," I said, staring at Vic as Alex did the same to him.
"I guess that makes sense," Vic shrugged. "I love meeting new people . . . I'll talk to you after the party,
"Okay!" I said, excitedly, as Jack turned me around and lead me down another hallway. I wasn't sure where we were going, but we ended up in a smaller room with another guy that had a scruffy beard and hair that looked like it hadn't been washed in days. I wondered if he was a part of the frat, too. He was wearing one of the whale shirts, so I guessed he must have been. I had to blink a few times as Jack let go of me, because everything started to spin. I mean, I knew I was a lightweight, but I didn't think I was this light. Ha.
"This is Kellin," Jack said. "Kellin, this is Zack."
"Hi," I said, grinning stupidly. New friends, right? I assumed in my drunken state that he was introducing us because he thought we'd make great friends. Zack stepped closer and closer to me and I didn't realize how close I was until he finally grabbed my face and kissed it.
I gasped, startled, and pulled myself back. His lips felt gross and scoffed as he pulled back. What was going on?
"Hey, no, stop, I have a boyfriend," I laughed, thinking it was just some misunderstanding. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.
"That's not a problem," he grinned. I backed up again until I ran into Zack and he locked his arms around me. That was probably when I realized that this was a bad, bad situation and I started to struggle. It was
difficult, though, because I was practically a limp noodle when it came to strength. The fear set in and all at once I felt like my heart was going to leap out of my chest, I was so scared. My skin felt like it was on fire.
"No, stop! Please stop!" I shouted, as Zack tried to kiss me again. I struggled again, trying to kick Zack away, but it was useless. He grabbed me roughly by the hips to get me to stop struggling, and Zack clasped a strong hand over my mouth. Tears prickled at the corners of my eyes, which turned into all-out sobs as he started pulling at my pants.
I think I passed out at some point, but I wasn't quite sure.
All I knew is that I was lying on a dirty floor and everything hurt. I had cried myself dry and I could barely even move. I didn't know what to do and I didn't know where Justin was or where Vic was. I couldn't even think.
I just felt so . . . gross.
I blinked a few times, but the situation still just didn't seem real. I wanted to just curl up and disappear into the floor. Everything just hurt so much, both inside and out.
I sat up slowly, wincing as pain shot throughout my body. I wasn't even sure where it was coming from anymore. For whatever reason, they had the sense to put my pants back on, but my shirt was strewn to the side. I closed my eyes tight and let out a shaky breath before I reached for it to put it back on. Being fully clothed helped a little, but not really.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket, surprised to see that it still had power. The time read 3:13 a.m . It made me feel uneasy to think that I had been in that room for hours, and I didn't want to think about how much of that time I was passed out for and for how much of it they were-
Suddenly, a door opened and light streamed through. Panic shot through me, as I was worried someone else was about to come in and hurt me. I rolled over and hid my face.
"Please don't touch me!" I cried, clenching my jaw shut as I tried to ease the shakiness in my voice.
"No, Kellin, it's okay, it's just me," I heard Vic's brother's voice. He spoke calmly, but hurriedly. "It's Mike. I'm not going to hurt you."
"Please leave me alone," I whined. I didn't want to talk to him; I didn't want to talk to anyone. I felt humiliated. The only person I wanted to see was Vic, and even then I was nervous about facing him. My stomach churned at the thought of telling him what happened.
"I just . . . I need help. I can't find Vic anywhere. He's not in the house."