1 Prologue

“Even if closing my eyes means having my heart earnest desires, I would rather choose to be awakened and meeting my worst nightmare as long as you and I will face this together with our hands intertwined.”

-Sia, Color them Yellow


"Help!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as I wake up from that dreaded nightmare.

There I found him beside me in the wee hour of the night. He is intently staring as if I am a lab rat that might be intoxicated by his self-developed potion called charm. He is always like that. He never showed me any significant emotion. His chiseled face always remained as cold as my favorite Vanilla ice cream but what the heck, I still know that I cannot live without him anymore. Then when I am ready to stop this craziness, he holds me in his arms as tightly as he could.

No. I have to think this through.

It bothers me that we are just sticking together because we are both broken. I'm afraid that if that's the case, these blissful moments... the existence of these feelings are just in my faraway dream. Who am I to deserve such an almost perfect man? With my flaws and insecurities, what am I doing in his warm embrace?

No. I am not like this.

It bothers me a lot that I care about these stupid things. I never cared about whether people would stay in my life or not. I am mocking their desperate cries in my head. Their overly romantic belief in fairytales makes me vomit out of my wits.

"I am with you. I am here. Nothing matters than this," that soothing voice that I seldom hear, I swallowed all the sorrow... regret... pain that I want to shout to this unfair world. Once again, I believe in words such as love and happiness.

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