1 Colonized

He had taken over me like he was some spirit. My body was not mine anymore. The hurt pierced through me like an arrow through my very soul. Cupid had turned his arrow of love into an arrow of raging fire. But still this man's very soul possessed me. I did not belong to me anymore. How could i reach out to him to tell him how deeply he was hurting me. I held on to myself so tightly I could choke the life out of myself.

The aura around me smelled of death. My heart was slowly fading away within my body. All I ever wanted was to smell the roses, with that special card inserted on them. What had happened to moonlight walks in the park. The waterfalls had been our favorite. My fairy tale turned into a horrible nightmare

Why cant he rescue me.

I carry this man within my heart.. he does not leave me for a second, yet he is not even there. I wonder why he is so blind to my pain. What makes him not find some kind of pity in himself? I know he enjoys my pain. I used to see when he is walking out there. He used to carry himself like a real man. When all he did was hurt me.

I sit down to eat and i cant. The food sticks to my throat and does not go down. I'm not myself anymore. I'm not even with myself anymore. The only thing that goes down my throat are the salty tears that never leave my face. My body does not feel the hunger that everyone else feels. Someone has occupied me, I have no space for anything else. I cant even see the people around me. They are invisible to me. I am numb to everything but i can feel this soul that lives within my soul.

Why am i always blind to his faults? Why do I keep making excuses for him. I can clearly see that he has taken over me and he is hurting every part of me. Why do I keep letting him do that to me? It has become so difficult to take him out of me.

Every time I think of independence, I think of the smile that he puts on my face sometimes when he wants to humor me. Sometimes he holds my hand and he calls me babes. He knows how to get to my very core. He used to come and go. Now he has gone for a long time. This is the time he is very present in myself. This is the time I see him everywhere.

I just want to go to sleep by myself for once. Liberate.

***

So the situation became unbearable for her. Afie and Girly lived in different parts of this world but they felt the same pain.These men had taken refuge in them. Girly wanted so much to liberate herself but it seemed like an impossible task. He was there to stay in her like the parasite he was. Mal was his name.

How can he be so ruthless, never thinking about the next person. Baby girl could feel the tension in mother's chest..it was like a visible knot. She would look at her and offer her a hug without her speaking to her little daughter about the pain she felt.

They huddled in their one room through the cold night. Food was just enough to get to the next day. All she did was work. Girly did not work for herself and her child but she worked for Mal who siphoned everything from her living body. He would leave for long periods, only to come and empty them of all that they had. Yes he was that kind of man. A siphon.

He did not just take, but destroyed and impoverished them. The two needed his cooperation in order to be at a better place in life but all Mal thought of, was to see how he was going to use this woman to better his own life. Taking the hands of her work and sending them to his homestead. All she reaped for herself was blood, salt and tears.

Mal had come with letters of love, which was as deadly as the bible, which was used to further the interests of a few.. He was a symbol of a manipulator in disguise. Imperialism had visited their tiny home, was there to stay and bear children with her.