Closing The Distance

"Blink away tears and walk forward. Even if the first step hurts, believe that everything will be okay. Someday it will."

-Anonymous-

~~~~~~~~

"The Chain"

by Ingrid Michaelson

♪ The sky looks pissed

The wind talks back

My bones are shifting in my skin

And you, my love, are gone ♫

"Please, Tristan, I beg you. Can we work this out? I'm willing to forgive you. I'll try to forget what you did. I believe that what we're going through is just a test to us. We should overcome this together."

Stuttering, I grabbed his hand and held it tightly, shaking it, in an effort to make my point heard.

Ramdam ko ang pag-init ng mata ko. Ano mang oras ay tutulo na ang mga luha ko.

"We can't, Sophie. I don't want to do this anymore." He let go of my hand and he shifted his gaze away from me. He couldn't stay put on his seat.

Andiyang di-dekuwatro siya ngunit maya-maya ay ililipat naman niya ang kanyang pagkaka-dekuwatro sa kabilang hita naman. Minsan ay uupo siya nang diretso habang naka-krus ang dalawang braso sa dibdib.

Hearing those breathy explosion of words from him made my chest feel tight, like there's something inside it wanting to burst out. Pinigilan ko pa rin ang umiyak.

No, I don't want to cry.

"Look," matigas niyang sabi. "It's not you, Sophie. It's me. I'm the bad guy here. Walang problema sa'yo. You're almost... perfect. Gusto ko lang hanapin ang sarili ko. It's just that---"

Pinatigil ko na siyang magsalita pa. Ayaw ko nang makarinig ng kahit ano pang excuses mula sa kanya.

"Is it still about her?" I rubbed my wrists instinctively. My heart was throbbing and my breathing became somewhat depth-less.

Ang mga kamay ko na nasa ilalim ng lamesa ay napahawak nang mahigpit sa isa't isa sa anyo na parang nagdarasal, habang tinatanong ko ang sarili kung handa na ba akong marinig ang totoo.

Nahuli ko ang mga simpleng sulyap niya sa akin. At sa tuwing nagtatagpo ang mga mata namin ay mabilis din niyang binabawi ang mga iyon. Pagkatapos noon ay yuyuko na lang siya.

Matagal bago niya sinagot ang tanong ko.

"I can't say. Hindi lang ito tungkol doon, o sa kanya. There are other things, Sophie. But the bottom line is, this is not working anymore." Ramdam ko sa tono ng pananalita niya na parang siguradong-sigurado siya. There was a presence of guilt in his eyes, as he emphasized saying "other things" and "not working anymore".

My stomach dropped, my eyes squeezed shut for a moment as I tried to absorb the reality of what I just heard.

He's lying!

He was making things so complicated for me to comprehend everything when he could've just given me a direct to the point answer.

But why, Tristan? After all this time? Why is it too easy for you to put into trash this relationship, na iningatan natin for two years? Wala ka na ba talagang pakialam sa atin? Sa akin?

"Do you still care about me? Do you still..."

Huminga ako nang malalim.

"... Do you still love me, Tristan?"

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥