7 VII

THE FOLLOWING DAY, it had been announced in my school that uniform had become compulsory to wear. Obviously, as I being a student, I despised the decision because I preferred wearing my band tees and skinny jeans but now I was forced to wear skirts and blouses, exposing my fat self.

Another reason to add to my never ending list of reasons as to why I didn't want to school also included that I had in fact kissed my teacher, making it even more embarrassing since he was going to see me in my skirt with my barely visible thigh gap compared to other girls which were visible as fuck.

At least I could still wear my makeup, I mean, my makeup was routinely and I couldn't recognise myself without it; without my overdone eyeliner and coated black eyelashes. Same to do with nail varnish, my chipped black nail polish was everything to me, even Richard thought that black looked great on me.

I mean, I don't think I look great or whatever, but I feel better as to when I'm not wearing black.

I had purchased them unfortunately and spent the remainder of the day staying at home and talking to Richard.

Richard: You never told me what happened last night

Me: You never asked

Richard: I shouldn't have to. You know I think Mr David likes you

Me: He doesn't

Richard: He EVEN ALLOWED U TO CALL HIM BY HIS FIRST NAME WTF

me: *you

me: so what?

Richard: he even went to the extent of ditching all the things he had to do just so he could see if you were ok

me: that doesn't mean he fancies me you lunatic

Richard: yeah sure. sacrificing a friday night for ur student's well being is normal

me: he kissed me btw

Richard: WHAT

Richard: WTAF

Richard: OMG

Richard: HOLY SHIT

Richard: YOU BITCH

Richard: WHY U NO TELL ME OMFFF

me: first, calm the fuck down

me: second: *you

me: also, I talked to him on poetic arts and he said he kissed a student and he said he loved it

me: which obviously means our kiss meant nothing.

Richard: how is that?

me: he kissed someone else.

Richard: R U DUM

Richard: R U BLYND

Richard: R U STUPID

Richard: HOW MANY STUDENTS CAN HE KISS IN ONE NIGHT WTAF

Me: Do you know what Alex looks like?

Richard: ;)

Me: Seriously! He is gorgeous; of course he could get a girl to kiss him in a heartbeat.

Richard: When did you message him?

Me: A little after he left.

Richard: SO IN LIKE ONE MINUTE HE CAN KISS A GIRL AND GO HOME

Richard: DAMN KIM YOUR SMART AS FUCK

Me: ugh, *you're. I don't know. I want to believe that he was talking to me but

Richard: But what?

Me: It seems too good to be true.

Richard: How?

Me: an attractive older teacher, with amazing taste in poetry and a poet that I admire so much. He kisses so well and

Richard: What actually happened though?

Me: I'll give you a ring.

I quickly dial Richard's number and press the phone's cold, smooth surface against my ear.

"Tell me right now. I don't have any fucking time for greetings,"he says sternly and I immediately start laughing.

I giggled. "What are you doing that's so time consuming and you have to get back to it as soon as possible?"

I could hear his smirk. Oh god. I immediately retract my statement. "Whatever it is, just come over." I cringe in disgust. "I shouldn't have asked." I say to myself. with a light halfhearted laugh.

"Okay, okay." He says in boredom. "I'll be there soon."

I end the call and I am left to my devices and all I can think about is him; his kiss, and everything that lead up to it. I knew he was nothing less than magical when he just had to look at me to break me down.

"They aren't flaws. It just looks like you've had breakfast at the heartbreak hotel," he said and I giggled. I could really see the 'Alex David' shining through him.

I scoff sarcastically. "If I had breakfast," I mumble.

"I wish you did," he mumbled back, as he leaned in as a surprised, hushed gasp left my lips.

"Why?" I whisper, observing his face for some sort of clue; after all, we only had known each other for about two weeks; despite the countless amount of encounters we have shared.

"Because," he said, looking me in the eyes, as I did the same for the very first time. I started to understand what he meant by 'dull eyes'. His eyes were full of life, and filled with some sort of light.

"We're all just skeletons underneath. This skin and fat and muscle; its all just a shell; just something that makes us different. Underneath it all, Kimberly. We're all very much same."

I chuckled dryly and licked my lips as my eyes flickered from Mr David-Alex- to my lap. "I'm afraid society sees it very differently."

"Who said you have to see it the same way that society sees it?" He questioned as I bravely kept my gaze on his face.

"How can you not?" I began, "If you are brought up and pressured to look a certain way, it is only natural for a human to think that they need to look 'skinny' or 'thin'. Besides, does it really matter?"

"That's the thing though, isn't it?" He said and glided his fairly large hand through my blonde hair as I watched that action of his attentively. A knot in my stomach had formed. "It does. You do; you matter," he said softly, now slowly sitting on the sofa as I lay next to him.

Without even thinking, I touch his hand and our fingers intertwine as I tilt my head to the side where Mr David had placed his hand. I didn't even realise what I was doing; I couldn't.

I mean, I could, I just didn't want to. I want to feel how skilled he was with his warm large hands. I want to see where he can plant his soft, plump pink lips.

"I want to," he whispers as he comes closer to me, his mouth very near to my neck.

I part my lips as I confidently and slowly run both of my bony hands through his slightly jelled black hair. My hands finally decided to rest on the nape of Alex's neck.

He slowly puts his lips on my neck, which itched for more of his touch. He kissed my neck and began to slowly swirl his tongue around in circular motions whilst sucking in some of the flesh on my skin, which was going to leave a bright red mark.

My teeth bit my lip to prevent any sort of moan to escape my lips. Just as I was enjoying the sensation I was earning, he stopped and kissed my forehead sweetly.

We lay down next to each other as I laced my porcelain coloured fingers with his; a passionate sensation igniting me up like a fire of no other.

The feelings of intimacy, that I yearned we shared, was inadmissible; we both knew it. Why we hadn't taken that into consideration whilst the affectionate actions had occurred will forever be a mystery to me.

How the intimacy ended was nowhere as how I had imagined. I thought we would both confess how what we did and awkwardly continue with our lives.

Very different from what I imagined, obviously.

"What was that?" I whisper as I gaze upwards, not knowing what to expect as an answer.

"Did you-err not like it?" He questions nervously and I bite back a giggle.

I flush. "Of co-I liked it. I just don't know what that was."

"Neither do I."

"I wish I did," I replied.

"As do I."

I take a deep breath and do something I've wanted to since perhaps, forever. Since the day I laid my eyes on him. Turning around, we both façade the fact that we wanted one thing.

Or I presumed we did.

Alex gets up leaving me alone and isolated on the cosy brown sofa as I furrow my eyebrows in perplexing state of mind.

"Alex," I whisper.

He puts on his coat and caresses my cheek soothingly. "This can't happen. What we share is inadmissible and we must break it before it becomes too vigorous for our own good," he speaks unhurriedly as I lick my lips slowly. "Please don't do this to me,"

I chew the side of my cheek as I sigh. "You're correct; but I want one desirable favour to ask from you before you leave. I require this more than I require to breathe."

Alex gulped loudly before responding to my words. "W-What's that?" he stutters as he attempts to sound confidant and brave which in all honesty, was adorable.

I couldn't believe that I was going to this. The first time my lips had been attached to someone else's. I didn't know how to move my mouth or slide my tongue. All I knew was that I wanted it and I wanted it now more than ever.

Very slowly and gradually, I pucker up the confidence to bring my lips to his. He controlled the kiss, moving it in rhythmic and passionate bliss whilst I followed shyly, enjoying every Nano second I was earning from feeling his lips around as it was surely to be the last; for both our goods.

The moments of pure enjoyment ended before I knew it and Alex's large hand rested on my cheek as his beautiful brown eyes bore into mine. Satisfaction of his lips on mine was apparent despite the longing was too. "I needed that. I'm sorry," I blushed, knowing for a fact he didn't want it as much as I did.

"I've wanted it since I first saw you. You lingered in my mind forever, Kimberly Browne and you will continue to do so, despite what happens."

I felt my heart warm like there was no tomorrow. Words like that meant a lot, and when it came from him, it meant even more. "I'll never forget this, Alex."

"I couldn't forget even if I tried. You won't be a trauma, my sweet. You will be a memory that I wish lasted longer than it did; a memory that would make feel at peace."

Fighting back tears and a mental breakdown, I reply before I collapse on the floor with an aching heart and a never-ending stream of tears. "You should leave."

"I should." he says as my heart shatters whilst hearing a voice which couldn't be more hurt than it sounded.

He releases my arm and all my warmth from my body escapes as he gets up and takes a long, last look at me before exiting the living room.

Biting my lip in hopes the trembling of it will fade and die, the previous tears that sprung in my eyes were rolling down my cheeks in agony. We both knew it was so much more than just a spur of the moment kiss.

I can feel myself begin to tear up, but I shake it off as I hear the doorbell ring. I knew it was Richard, and he had came to hear everything. Amazing how much he cares. Maybe he was just bored.

"Hey," he says softly, embracing me as I stand there, confused.

I pull him away, and give him a questioning look. "What's going on, Richard?" I laugh, trying to brush off the situation but also trying to confront him about his weird behaviour at the exact same time.

"Nothing, I'm just a little worried, you know; about last night," he says, reminding me. Oh yes, I overdosed and fainted. Probably low blood sugar.

"Well Alex took care of me," I smiled, thinking about it all over again.

He smirked and pushed me inside my house as he walked in. "I can see that," he chuckled, bringing the mood to a more playful place. "Lovely hickey, by the way."

"Why thank you," I curtesy, and laugh with Richard as we sit on the sofa together. "I had the best time last night," I smiled.

"Also very traumatic, it seems," Richard notes, talking in a serious tone.

"To an extent," I say, brushing it off. "We just knew that it was wrong; very wrong."

I felt a tear roll down my cheek whilst Richard sniffles. "You can't do this to yourself Kimberly."

"Do what?" I say, turning towards him, knowing he was bound to say something else very stupid.

"Torture yourself," he says. Oh god. I felt so uncomfortable when Richard was right, which, truth be told, was very often.

"How am I doing that?"

"You need to talk to him again. Whether you guys are involved romantically or not doesn't matter. He understands you. You need someone like that in your life. Okay?"

"I have you," I smile and ruffle his hair.

He shakes off my attempt to lighten the mood. "One person isn't always enough."

"It's okay, if you can't handle me. You don't have to, I know I am a lot to-"

"Shut up, Kimberly," he says sternly. "I love you, but it's obvious that he can love you in a way that I can't; in a way that you need."

"It doesn't matter about whether I need it or not. It's whether I deserve it or not."