6 VI

SLOWLY BUT GRADUALLY, I open my eyes and they flicker as I try to grasp who is around me. The bright light hits my eyes and I don't open my eyes too wide; it probably looked like I was squinting.

"Kimberly?" Mr David spoke quietly and softly whilst he shook me gently with his large hand on my shoulder.

After a few minutes of my eyes flickering, my eyes finally adjust to the light and I feel everything at last. My empty stomach, my dry throat and the tiredness, which always washed over me. He is sitting on the floor, his eyes completely parallel to mind

Mr David sighed in relief. "Thank god you're okay," he says and I furrow my eyebrows in confusion and sit up.

What the hell was going on?

I was laid on my living room sofa and there was once a cushion lay beneath my head. Propping myself on my elbows, I felt my elbows shaking weakly and Mr David notices this and holds my shoulders.

Shivers ran up my spine at his touch. "What happened? Where's Richard" I ask, my voice so much raspier than usual.

His lips form a straight line before speaking again. "You fainted from lack of food and sleep. Richard said he wanted to give us a moment." He finishes and begins to lick his lips as I turned away. I couldn't gasp. Not now.

As well as feeling very insecure that he knew about my private issues, I was delighted that he had stayed to see if I was okay despite his other priorities.

I fainted. He knows. "Do you err, know?" I speak quietly and shyly, ducking my head as I played with my nails. I caught the fact that my legs were place on top of his thighs.

Our eyes lock, which I break by jolting my head away from the sight of his beautiful, warm brown eyes.

"That you're an insomniac and anorexic? Yes. I knew that the second I laid eyes on you."

I gulped and swallowed the lump formed in my throat. "How?"

He smiled a little. A very, cute small, genuine smile as he looked as if he was thinking back to the day we met. "Your eyes were dull, almost dead. Shades of purple shadowed your eyes. Your skin was too pale to be considered healthy. Over chapped lips, messy hair and a body which looks dozens underweight. It's not that hard to determine, Kimberly."

I laugh quietly before responding to what he just said. "Thanks for pointing out my flaws."

"They aren't flaws. It just looks like you've had breakfast at the heartbreak hotel," he said and I giggled. I could really see the 'Alex David' shining through him.

I scoff sarcastically. "If I had breakfast," I mumble.

"I wish you did," he mumbled back, as he leaned in as a surprised, hushed gasp left my lips.

"Why?" I whisper, observing his face for some sort of clue; after all, we only had known each other for about two weeks; despite the countless amount of encounters we have shared.

"Because," he said, looking me in the eyes, as I did the same for the very first time. I started to understand what he meant by 'dull eyes'. His eyes were full of life, and filled with some sort of light.

"We're all just skeletons underneath. This skin and fat and muscle; it's all just a shell; just something that makes us different. Underneath it all, Kimberly. We're all very much same."

I chuckled dryly and licked my lips as my eyes flickered from Mr David - Alex - to my lap. "I'm afraid society sees it very differently."

"Who said you have to see it the same way that society sees it?" He questioned as I bravely kept my gaze on his face.

"How can you not?" I began, "If you are brought up and pressured to look a certain way, it is only natural for a human to think that they need to look 'skinny' or 'thin'. Besides, does it really matter?"

"That's the thing though, isn't it?" He said and glided his fairly large hand through my blonde hair as I watched that action of his attentively. A knot in my stomach had formed. "It does. You do; you matter," he said softly, now slowly sitting on the sofa as I lay next to him.

Without even thinking, I touch his hand and our fingers intertwine as I tilt my head to the side where Mr David had placed his hand. I didn't even realise what I was doing; I couldn't.

I mean, I could, I just didn't want to. I want to feel how skilled he was with his warm large hands. I want to see where he can plant his soft, plump pink lips.

"I want to," he whispers as he comes closer to me, his mouth very near to my neck.

I part my lips as I confidently and slowly run both of my bony hands through his slightly jelled black hair. My hands finally decided to rest on the nape of Alex's neck.

He slowly puts his lips on my neck, which itched for more of his touch. He kissed my neck and began to slowly swirl his tongue around in circular motions whilst sucking in some of the flesh on my skin, which was going to leave a bright red mark.

My teeth bit my lip to prevent any sort of moan to escape my lips. Just as I was enjoying the sensation I was earning, he stopped and kissed my forehead sweetly.

We lay down next to each other as I laced my porcelain coloured fingers with his; a passionate sensation igniting me up like a fire of no other.

The feelings of intimacy, that I yearned we shared, was inadmissible; we both knew it. Why we hadn't taken that into consideration whilst the affectionate actions had occurred will forever be a mystery to me.

How the intimacy ended was nowhere as how I had imagined. I thought we would both confess how what we did was wrong and awkwardly continue with our lives.

Very different from what I imagined, obviously.

"What was that?" I whisper as I gaze upwards, not knowing what to expect as an answer.

"Did you-err not like it?" He questions nervously and I bite back a giggle.

I flush. "Of co-I liked it. I just don't know what that was."

"Neither do I."

"I wish I did," I replied.

"As do I," he says, and his eyes are so soft; begging, yearning. There was something in the air and fuck, I just wanted to kiss him.

I take a deep breath and do something I've wanted to since perhaps, forever. Since the day I laid my eyes on him. Turning around, we both façade the fact that we wanted one thing.

Or I presumed we did.

Alex gets up leaving me alone and isolated on the cosy brown sofa as I furrow my eyebrows in perplexing state of mind.

"Alex," I whisper.

He puts on his coat and caresses my cheek soothingly. "This can't happen. What we share is inadmissible and we must break it before it becomes too vigorous for our own good," he speaks unhurriedly as I lick my lips slowly. "Please don't do this to me," he pleads, and he looks to vulnerable to break.

I chew the side of my cheek as I sigh. "You're correct; but I want one favour to ask from you before you leave. I need this more than I need to breathe."

Alex gulped loudly before responding to my words. "W-What's that?" he stutters as he attempts to sound confident and brave which in all honesty, was adorable.

I laughed and stood up, slowly edging towards him. I couldn't believe that I was going to this. The first time my lips had been attached to someone else's. I didn't know how to move my mouth or slide my tongue. All I knew was that I wanted it and I wanted it now more than ever.

Very slowly and gradually, I pucker up the confidence to bring my lips to his. He controlled the kiss, moving it in rhythmic and passionate bliss whilst I followed shyly, enjoying every Nano second I was earning from feeling his lips around as it was surely to be the last; for both our goods.

The moments of pure enjoyment ended before I knew it and Alex's large hand rested on my cheek as his beautiful brown eyes bore into mine. Satisfaction of his lips on mine was apparent despite the longing was too. "I needed that. I'm sorry," I blushed, knowing for a fact he didn't want it as much as I did.

"I've wanted it since I first saw you. You've lingered in my mind forever, Kimberly Browne and you will continue to do so, despite what happens." I could feel my heartbeat pounding in my chest, for the first time in a way that excited me rather than killing me with fear.

I felt my soul warm like there was no tomorrow. Words like that meant a lot, and when it came from him, it meant even more. "I'll never forget this, Alex."

"I couldn't forget even if I tried. You won't be a trauma, my sweet. You will be a memory that I wish lasted longer than it did; a memory that would make feel at peace."

Fighting back tears and a mental breakdown, I reply before I collapse on the floor with an aching heart and a never-ending stream of tears. "You should leave."

"I should." he says as my heart shatters whilst hearing a voice which couldn't be more hurt than it sounded.

He releases my arm and all my warmth from my body escapes as he gets up and takes a long, last look at me before exiting the living room.

Biting my lip in hopes the trembling of it will fade and die, the previous tears that sprung in my eyes were rolling down my cheeks in agony. We both knew it was so much more than just a spur of the moment kiss.

All I wanted to do was sob, cry and scream; but I couldn't. Despite the fact that I was alone, I couldn't cry and sob. What was the point of doing so? Nothing. It wouldn't make me feel better, only worse.

So I took a deep breath and wiped my tears. I should be grateful that I got to kiss him. I got what I wanted, I mean; I barely knew him. What good could possibly come of this? Be grateful that the moment happened, not be sad over something that would never happen because there was no point of that. No positive outcome or any outcome at all.

Suck it up, I told myself. I know that what we have is over. If we even had anything, all we did was kiss and kisses didn't mean anything right? I wouldn't know, that was my first kiss and it didn't even end with a happy ending like it was supposed to.

I could still talk to him on poetic arts and he'd never know. I could still learn about him and spend time with him. It wasn't like I was never going to see him again, right?

Desperately, I open the laptop that Richard and me were previously using. Whilst it was turning on, I made my way to the other side of the room, grabbing a couple of tissues to fix my dripping mascara and eyeliner.

Eyeliner and mascara were the only makeup products I used and owned. My makeup looked like a panda, my eyes coloured fully black whilst my eyelashes were long and volume filled.

By the time I got back to the laptop, it was fully turned on; requesting a password which I hesitantly typed in. "I love Richard."

I'm absolutely sure I didn't set that as the password, but I'm positive that Richard himself set that as the password. I chuckled to myself, what a cocky bastard.

I opened a Google chrome tab and rapidly typed in the web address of poetic arts, and I was already signed in. Quickly, I open a new conversation bubble with Alex.

I took a deep breath. Here it goes.

BandsAndCigaretteSmoke: Hey Alex, you all right? Everything okay down there?

I start to worry as to why he hadn't responded yet, which was quite the stupid thing to worry about since it had only been a minute or two since I sent the message; you clingy bitch.

AlexDavid: Just got a lot on my plate love.

BandsAndCigaretteSmoke: What happened?

AlexDavid: I did something.

BandsAndCigaretteSmoke: I know you did, but it would help if I could know what it was that you did.

AlexDavid: Something wrong, perhaps illegal.

BandsAndCigaretteSmoke: Which was?

AlexDavid: I kissed someone.

I frowned. Had he moved on already? Of course he did. Have you seen him, his gorgeous brown eyes, and beautiful build?

BandsAndCigaretteSmoke: I'm pretty sure kissing someone isn't illegal.

AlexDavid: It is if you kissed a student.

Oh my god. Here I was thinking that it meant something.

BandsAndCigaretteSmoke: I need more details.

AlexDavid: I was expecting more of a dramatic response.

BandsAndCigaretteSmoke: I need more details.

AlexDavid: Definitely not the judgemental type. Noted.

BandsAndCigaretteSmoke: I still need details, David.

AlexDavid: I mean, she kissed me, but I kissed back.

BandsAndCigaretteSmoke: Did you like it?

AlexDavid: I loved it.

My heart uncontrollably shattered into millions of microscopic pieces, which would take forever to pick up and mend. He not only kissed someone else, but he loved it as well. What was I to him? Some small, horny eighteen-year-old child? Did I really mean nothing?

BandsAndCigaretteSmoke: Then there is nothing wrong with that.

AlexDavid: I could think of a million reasons as to why it is wrong, but the one that stands out the most is that I could loose my job and reputation as a teacher could go to complete waste. Not to mention the fact that if anyone found out about her, her reputation would be strained forever, and she could be bullied. So many things could go wrong.

BandsAndCigaretteSmoke: It's all in your head. There are a million solutions to a million problems, David. If you really love her, wait till she completes school.

AlexDavid: I don't love her, but I most definitely could. This could all just be a one-time thing. I don't even know that much about her.

BandsAndCigaretteSmoke: You're right, but I want you to promise me something.

AlexDavid: It depends; I don't even know your name.

BandsAndCigaretteSmoke: I don't feel comfortable sharing.

AlexDavid: Any name, just a name would help massively.

BandsAndCigaretteSmoke: Deborah. Not my real name but call me that.

AlexDavid: How come you seem to favourite that name in particular?

BandsAndCigaretteSmoke: If I were ever lucky enough to have a daughter, I'd name her Deborah.

AlexDavid: I think that's a lovely name.

BandsAndCigaretteSmoke: Thank you, but back to the promise.

AlexDavid: Which is?

BandsAndCigaretteSmoke: Never let her go. Ever.

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