4 4 Dating Advice

"Today is a day for deeds of greatness!" Naruto declared to the sky from atop the Hokage monument. Then, turning around, he addressed his army of Shadow Clones. "Are you ready then?"

"YES!" came the responding roar of four hundred throats raised in unison, paint brushes held high aloft.

"Forward!" The real one shouted, pointing off the cliff.

With a roar, they surged ahead, Naruto in the lead, racing off the top of the mountain to run down the face of it, feet sticking to the side. And, just as fast as a waterfall or a curtain being dropped, the entire Hokage monument got painted in brilliant shades of red, yellow, blue, white and orange.

I I I

"Hey Sakura!" the orange clad ninja cried out to his teammate just before the first test started. "I bet you're going to stand up, or shout, or do something stupid to get our team thrown out of this test."

"Naruto!" the annoyed pink haired kunoichi shouted. "I would NEVER do such a thing!"

The blond boy folded his arms. "I said I'd bet you, Sakura-chan. How about, if you do, and I win, then you have to give up on Sasuke. But if you don't, and I lose, I don't ask you out any more?"

"No way! I would NEVER bargain away my relationship with Sasuke, even on a sure thing like that!" she shouted, then turned to bat her eyes to her crush. "You see, Sasuke-kun? Nothing can tear us apart."

The Last Uchiha rolled his eyes in disgust.

I I I

"Hey Sakura!" the orange clad ninja cried out to his teammate just before the first test started. "I bet you're going to stand up, or shout, or do something stupid to get our team thrown out of this test."

"Naruto!" the annoyed pink haired kunoichi shouted. "I would NEVER do such a thing!"

The blond boy folded his arms. "I said I'd bet you, Sakura-chan. How about, if you do, you ask Kiba out instead of Sasuke at the end of this period, and if you don't, I'll start asking Ino out instead of you?"

"That's disgusting! Go out with that hairy animal? I'd rather die!"

Kiba, who was standing nearby, cracked his knuckles and bared his fangs, growling angrily, "That can be arranged."

I I I

"Hey Sakura!" the orange clad ninja cried out to his teammate just before the first test started. "I bet you're going to stand up, or shout, or do something stupid to get our team thrown out of this test."

"Naruto!" the annoyed pink haired kunoichi shouted. "I would NEVER do such a thing!"

"Okay, let's bet. Say you do, then you have to wear whatever outfit Ino picks out for the rest of the day. If not, then I'll wear the same thing she'd picked out for you for the same period."

"You're on!"

Ino was also grinning. "Oh, I've got just the outfit, too."

"Quiet down!" Ibiki entered the exam room, explained the rules and got all of the genin to their seats.

A mere minute into the exam, however...

"I'm done!" Naruto cried at the top of his lungs, flipping his test sheet over. Then he turned to take Hinata's hands in his, and, looking into her eyes, ask, "Hinata darling, are you done as well?"

"Y.. yes!" she squeaked, turning bright red.

"Then turn your paper over," he softly suggested, gently reaching out and taking her into a hug. "We have forty minutes left until the tenth question."

The amazingly fast motion as she flipped her paper face down was not lost on anyone, nor was her blush or the smile steadily creeping up on her face as she melted into his hug.

"Oh, Hinata-chan! You are so lovely. I must kiss you!" and then Naruto did so, with the benefit of plenty of makeout sessions behind him. Several of the other genin nearby started to whoop and make cat-calls.

"N... Na... NARUTO!" Hinata cried out as he nibbled a particularly sensitive spot at the base her neck, clinging to him for all her might.

"NARUTOOO!" Sakura screamed, rising from her desk at this unseemly public display of affection. Then out of the corner of her eyes she caught one of the test proctors making a careful note on his clipboard, and sank meekly back down in her chair again, ashamed as her memory prompted her about the bet.

But why was Naruto baiting her, and... when did he learn how to kiss?

Ibiki, standing in front of the two embracing students and pretending indifference to them, picked up their test papers and quirked an eyebrow at them.

Interesting. Those were not the same answers his plants would provide, but they were detailed, complete, and correct for all he could tell, and though the papers were identical to each other, no one had caught them, not when they copied each other's answers, nor when they'd somehow rigged it to have adjacent seats.

Interesting. These two would bear watching.

"Aa... AAaaaAHHh!" Hinata shrieked out, lost to the world around her.

Ibiki looked around the class. Well, no one was obviously treating this as a coded message, from what he could tell. And though it wouldn't be too hard to encode moans and gasps like that, unless they could actually catch them transmitting data, they couldn't count it as having caught an attempt to cheat, not so long as the couple acted out their roles so well. An ingenious strategy actually, and a command performance carrying it out. That took talent, he almost believed they were doing it just for the fun they were having. So even though he knew this could be no more innocent than the dog barking, he couldn't do anything unless they messed up and got caught.

No, these two would bear watching indeed.

I I I

"It's not fair!" Sakura complained, looking askance at Naruto. "You even have a better figure than I do!"

"What do you expect? It's a variant of the Transformation technique. I can look however I want," Naruto-chan told her, presently in his Sexy technique disguise of a buxom blonde girl, and wearing a lacy teddy with silk stockings. "And Ino has EXCELLENT taste! What I want to know is how you held your nerve for the entire test!"

"It wasn't easy," the pink-haired one complained at low volume, looking away from her teammate.

Hinata sighed fondly, sitting on the floor with her arms wrapped around Naruto-chan's legs, and head laying in her lap, where Naruto was pleasantly stroking her hair.

"You aren't going to stay inside all day, are you?" Ino teased.

"Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I am. Do you know how many perverts there are out there?" Naruto-chan teased right back at her.

"Yeah, loads." Ino shrugged.

"Three hundred and eighty seven," Naruto corrected. "And one closet pervert."

"Hmmmm," Hinata sighed softly yet loudly, warm in her contentment.

Sakura's eyebrow twitched. "Make that eighty-eight," she grumbled.

I I I

True to form, Ebisu worked with him until Naruto could perform the Body Switch technique quickly and effortlessly, needing very little warning before activating it.

Actually, the skill gave a great tactical advantage to Naruto, as he grew good enough at it his Shadow Clones could now use the technique without a serious drain on their chakra stores, which meant they could use it to escape from blows that might otherwise destroy them, multiplying their effectiveness and survivability drastically.

They still couldn't take a hit, but they could evade one far more easily.

That made them more than a human blitz attack, as they could still charge in a wave, but no longer did they need to be replaced for each attack, as some would almost certainly survive to continue the assault.

Also, the real Naruto could be far more easily and completely protected by his clones, setting aside a bodyguard group who, instead of leaping in front of blows to shield him (something that didn't often work, especially when a foe used attacks that could go right through several bodies in a row), they could hang back, and use Body Switch to replace him at crucial moments, getting him out of combat before the nasty attacks hit.

Naruto almost immediately hit on a battle strategy where his clones would leap at a foe, as usual, then Body Switch out so their target would be struck by a hail of logs and small boulders before the clones once again rushed in to attack the hopefully bruised opponent during the distraction.

So, once again he had multiplied the value of his mass clone attacks by fully mastering one of the basic three under Ebisu. And, once again, it failed to make any difference when facing Orochimaru.

Although, it did take the sannin slightly longer to kill him this time, so that was sort of a success.

I I I

"So, the Transformation technique, huh?" Naruto asked Ebisu the next time they met.

The special jonin was impressed. "How did you guess?"

"Oh, just a feeling," Naruto groaned, depressed.

"Hmph. Perform the technique. I want to see where you are so I know what you are missing."

Forming the seal, the blond boy transformed into a copy of Iruka in a puff of smoke.

"Hmm," Ebisu examined the disguise for a moment, then he stepped back and straightened his glasses. "Not bad. Far from useless, actually. You still rely too much on a stance and concentration, we shall have to train that out of you so you can do it on the move. Your puff of smoke is far too obvious. We must reduce it. Ideally you must eliminate that entirely, and you'll want to be able to perform the technique on short notice even when surprised. Still, for all your clumsy execution of it, the results are nearly flawless. I am having trouble finding any of the usual telltales or signs that this is an illusion."

"What are you talking about?" The Naruto/Iruka asked, confused.

"All illusion techniques are vulnerable," Ebisu instructed. "They have weak points, and are limited by the imaginations and power of those who create them, in addition to being limited by skill. So, details will be incorrect, edges may blur, and the interaction with the environment will all be flawed. But in your case... well, look at your feet as an example. An excellent job. I am honestly surprised."

Naruto/Iruka lifted both of his feet, one at a time, to look at them, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. "What are you talking about?"

The special jonin folded his arms and huffed. "Naruto, don't treat me as a fool. You are not Iruka. You are smaller than him, for one. My first impulse would be to scold you for choosing a shape too far different from your own to hide in, but I won't, as you execute it flawlessly."

"Huh?" Naruto was shaking his head in confusion.

Ebisu sighed, shoving his glasses back up his nose. "Naruto, you cannot be ignorant of this. I know there is a story going around the younger students of someone who transformed into a shuriken and was thrown by another member of his team to surprise an enemy, but such tall tales are ridiculous. The technique does not work that way. All that Transformation does, all it ever CAN do, is to cloak you in an illusion. It has not ever been a real change, wild rumors to the contrary, nor can it ever be one. For a boy who seeks so much approval I am surprised you reject my compliments on your technique."

The special jonin waved to him as he listed off points. "In the first place your feet are smaller than Iruka's. Being a simple illusion, the grass you stand on should poke through the image where your feet aren't but his would be; yet you have already accounted for that and covered it, enhancing your illusion so that it seems as if the grass bends under the full impression of the foot. Nor are you blurred or incomplete. It is quite frankly one of the better images I have ever seen worn, jonin level easily. I was unaware you were trying to become a stealth and infiltration specialist. But you must be, to have worked so hard on this technique. It must have taken you months to get the Iruka disguise this perfect. Tell me, have you practiced any others?"

Shocked momentarily speechless, Naruto formed the set of seals again and in a poof of smoke was replaced by the image of the Third Hokage.

"Most impressive," Ebisu walked around him, rubbing his chin thoughtfully as he judged the image. "I could almost believe it was him."

Then Naruto/Hokage reached out and pinched his nose.

"GWAAHH!" The special jonin leaped back several feet, limbs splayed in surprise, before he recomposed himself and straightened his glasses. "I must give you credit, Naruto. Precisely matching the movements of your illusion to yourself, particularly when it is of a shape taller and with longer reach than you... that is a skill that will serve you well at infiltration. I did not expect it from you. That is a very advanced technique."

Naruto/Hokage grinned from ear to ear. "I'm not an illusion."

"WHA..?" the special jonin's glasses fell down his face as his jaw dropped in shock. Then he was all over Naruto, patting him on his head, shoulders, testing that his arms were real and solid, then frisking him all over. "Forgive me, Hokage-sama." The special jonin bowed. "But... what has become of my student?"

With a puff of smoke, the technique got released and Naruto stood there. "I'm still here."

Once again the special jonin had to pat him all over before he could believe it was really him. Then, composure lost entirely, he stuttered, "You mean... you... what I... but..."

"When I change, I really change," the boy confirmed.

Instantly the special jonin was standing by his side, hand over his mouth and eyes alert for witnesses able to overhear this conversation. When he found none, he whispered into Naruto's ear. "You must never tell anyone of this, Naruto. As of this moment, you must consider your Transformation an S-rank technique! It is capable of foiling the security of practically any ninja village! We cannot allow this to fall into enemy hands. Have you taught anyone else your version of the technique, as you use it?"

"Yah. Konohamaru, your other student. I taught him as part of Sexy technique." The boy blinked.

Ebisu was standing across from him and bowed. "Naruto, I must apologize. You are indeed a genius of the highest caliber! I thank you for your gift to my other student. Now, I must go report to the Hokage this information."

"Wait!" Naruto called out, stopping him. "Can't you give me a few hints on how to refine my smoke and stuff, first?"

"Of course, Naruto." The special jonin fixed his glasses. "I can spare you the time for that."

An hour later, after Ebisu had left to report this information, a giggling Naruto discovered that the scroll of forbidden seals was under more guards and security than the last time, including a seal array that the Hokage knew how to deactivate, but Naruto didn't.

So much for the short route to power.

I I I

Probably the best thing Iruka had ever done for him, Naruto reflected, was teach him how to read.

If only it hadn't taken a time loop for him to do it properly.

All of those other things people took for granted, the village pariah had had to struggle for. No one had ever taught him things others took for granted. Not having parents, or any reliable adult figures, really, he could not get the most basic assistance on most matters.

So, for most of his life, he'd gone without crucial knowledge, and a big part of that was having a literacy level on par with most preschoolers. Most of the time he'd spent studying the scroll of forbidden seals was trying to get what the various kanji meant, and most of the work he'd done on the skill was in studying the pictures, then trying out variations on themes to guess the correct combination to activate the technique. And he'd beaten himself up pretty badly during the process.

It was the same way with his other techniques, only in one case that seemed to have done him a good turn, at least with regards to the Transformation technique. The version he'd cobbled together on his own did what he thought the technique should have done, rather than what everyone else did.

But still, overall, the inability to read well had been a major hindrance to him, all his life long.

His schoolwork had stunk, but most of the reason behind his low grades came from his inability to read textbooks, and the few kanji he knew were mostly learned by watching and listening to what the teacher wrote on the board during classes - the reason he'd attended at all, when mostly he'd rather be skipping out on boring lectures to do stuff that was interesting.

Now, however... well, that was one of the first things corrected by his time studying with Iruka during this endlessly repeating loop. But it had taken so long to do properly it was only now beginning to bear fruit.

And it made SUCH a difference in his life!

It was like his functional illiteracy had been a huge chain holding him back. Without that impediment, it was revealed that he easily had one of the finest minds in the village.

Sakura? Bah! She had nothing on him. The highest grades in their year and yet she didn't have half of his brilliance, now that it was allowed to shine.

Whatever wall the villagers had wanted to erect around him to keep him from growing was now broken. Because he could read, really read, not puzzle out a few kanji here or there and puzzle out some of the rest by context, he could look up information by himself, no longer depending on whatever scraps they wanted to dole out, which was always the least they could get away with.

Freed of his ignorance, Naruto's mind was now shooting forward in making up for lost time. First recovering to where it ought to have been for his age level, and then rapidly shooting higher. While teaching him the answers to the chunin exam, Iruka had brought his literacy level up to where it should be for his age, now Naruto kept pressing it higher.

All of his life he'd been limited to knowing only what others had been willing to teach him, which meant that he knew nothing. Or at least nothing they could get away with 'forgetting' to share with him.

The ability to read changed that whole paradigm. Now he could find out things for himself, all he had to do was find it in a book. And books didn't hate him or want to keep him ignorant. They were willing to share with anyone who opened their covers. It didn't matter to them he was a demon container, shunned and avoided by everyone, the most unpopular boy in the village.

Books quickly became some of his best friends.

Why? Because he could LEARN STUFF from books! There was all sorts of things hidden out in there, like the names of Orochimaru's apprentices, and the history of Konoha, all of the stuff he'd missed out learning during class, as well as stuff the average villagers didn't know.

Whatever he wanted to know, it seemed there was an answer in books.

Case in point, Naruto giggled to himself, was the 'Dating and Courtship' book he was now holding. In it were all kinds of suggestions and rules no one had ever thought to tell him about. It was amazing, really. It filled in the gaps between what the giggling kunoichi could tell him about, and what Kurenai expected him to be able to understand.

Naruto had already made some progress on that whole romance thing, enough so that by now when he was thinking about it, he was, for a twelve year old boy, fairly smooth. Of course, that wasn't saying much, as boys his age were still all remarkably crude, but he was getting to where he was no longer an abomination offensive to the female sex.

Of all of the ways the villager's hatred had stunted him, his social ignorance was the worst. He'd literally had no idea how normal people interacted. The villagers had made sure of that.

But, now that the dam of his ignorance had burst with him learning how to really READ, he was able to correct that. The library was full of novels of how normal people treated each other. It was fascinating to the boy, like a light shining forth in a room deliberately held dark all this time.

It was liberating in a way he could not even describe.

Once he'd crested the limit of functional literacy he'd immediately gone and hidden out in the public library for a couple of months, reading as a man who was parched and thirsty might drink, not even caring about the chunin test.

It changed his life.

And, not surprisingly, his angry teammates never found him there.

But having been empty-headed, now he wanted to be filled! And all of the road blocks he'd been up against seemed to have their answers now.

His dates with Hinata had kind of gotten stuck in a rut, and so he decided to try something new concerning them, giving up on restaurants entirely to throw her a party at his house.

It was a disaster of the worst sort.

Naruto's home was hardly tidy at the best of times, barely clean, and only somewhat livable. It was obvious on taking her there that Hinata found the place horrible, although to tell by her reaction, it was not the first time she'd seen it, which was odd, as it was certainly the first time he'd invited her.

But you know what? Now he could learn from that. Having read a detective novel or two, he understood about looking for clues. Her having seen his apartment before meant something.

So he'd asked her about that after the next switch, and she'd stuttered out an apology like she'd been caught in some horrible atrocity.

Her crime? She'd liked him since they'd been small, and had watched him from a distance, always there, but never brave enough to step in and help. And yet, confronted about it, she treated it as though she'd been doing some horrible thing.

Naruto had to laugh.

Here, the mystery person who'd given him presents for his birthday, left on his doorstep year after year, probably the ONE person in town who'd liked him growing up, was afraid that she'd done something awful by liking him.

It was too much. He had to laugh. Now in the past he would have done that by falling on the ground and rolling around, and she would've run off crying, utterly crushed by his response. But now that he had a few romance novels under his belt, so to speak, he knew enough to hug her and chuckle into her hair in between whispers that it was alright, explaining to her as he had breath exactly what he'd been thinking - that she'd been the nicest person in the whole world to him, and expecting him to be angry for that was silly.

The way he explained it even made her chuckle a bit along with him, mostly that was in relief that he didn't hate her, however.

No, things had definitely turned a corner in his life now. It was never going to be the same again.

And he started out by asking Hinata about her life