1 A Battle of Wits

"What do you mean you don't like Harry Potter?", James says, as he slams his copy of The Brief History of Time by onto the table.

"It's just that the characters and situations aren't believable, and J.K. seems like very ignorant." said Octavian Johnson in a matter of fact tone, while flexing his massive biceps.

"It a story about wizards and magic, it's not exactly supposed to be one to one with reality. And….I can't really argue about JK. You win there. She is actually kind of crazy" With a sigh, James takes a seat at the table.

"Just because they are wizards doesn't mean they aren't people, their actions and emotions should replicate real life, in addition magic should affect physiks in strange ways, not make it so they completely don't exist." Octavian Johnson said in an intelligent tone, not befitting his majestic herculean body.

"Please elaborate, when do the characters not react believably. And who says magic in Harry Potter breaks physics? It's been explained that magic follows the laws of thermodynamics, everything created by magic is either taken from somewhere else, or breaks down once the energy used to create it is expended. Anything made to disappear isn't destroyed, only moved to somewhere else."

"Gandalf, I believe his name is, is a horrible mentor, he puts harry through horrible situations that don't even make him learn anything, whenever harry needs him he is absent, and he dies a sudden meaningless death that could have been avoided, he believes to much in the power of good." said Octavian spitting the words out faster than slim shady on cocaine.

"Wrong fantasy franchise, go back to The Shire", James retorts before continuing. "No one is perfect, everyone has flaws. But to say Dumbledore was a horrible mentor, would be a mistake. Dumbledore never intended to send Harry and the rest of his friends from Gryffindor House into danger. In fact, the staff of Hogwarts regularly attempted to keep the gang out of both trouble and danger. Only near the end of their story, when Harry had proved himself capable did he entrust him to help him with the Horcruxes. As for Dumbledore's death, it was due his own mistake. One of the traps set on a horcrux/deathly hollow combo left him with little time left. So he attempted to keep a bluff, letting his double agent Professor Snape to continue working against the forces of Voldemort and his Death Eaters."

" In addition the thought that harry's mother's love for him saved him from voldemort is an incredibly cliche and lazy way to explain the saving of him. So many death eaters could have killed him, or captured him so many times but chance explained them surviving. No one is that lucky, i don't care if his mother's love is watching over." said Octavian, posing like the Pharaoh Cleopatra sauntering down from a sedan chair.

"Admittedly yes, the power of love is a cliched concept. But at least in universe it makes sense, where emotions have always been shown to be closely tied to magic. As for the Death Eaters never making an attempt on Harry prior, he was The Boy Who Lived, the infant who defeated The Dark Lord who had plagued the wizarding world. Until his eventual revival, his forces were either captured, or in hiding. Too scared to do anything. Not to mention the Dursleys served as a hiding place for the young wizard, in a place no one would look."

" Cedric, no one is that perfect, he deserved to die. Snape is tsundere, no one is like that in real life. Hagrid, is a complete moron, I would say that's unbelievable but he is british." said Lord Octavian condescendingly in the classic American tourist manner..

"As for Snape, yes he seems to come off as a villain for most of the series, but ultimately redeems himself."

"Even though a potions teacher worth his salt should have been carrying anti-venom on his person.," James adds in a aside.

" Harry never shows any ptsd, or other symptoms of abuse despite living in an abusive household for 12 years. Nor does he show any immense hatred for the world, an I believe it would be almost impossible for him to be as friendly as he is, despite never having a friend. Sure, simple physiks do make sense, but as for more in depth science, it is not, but that can't be faulted because she is not a scientist." Said Octavian, showing an empathy within him, that was almost impossible to see due to it being drowned out by his glory.

"To say Harry wasn't negatively affected by the death of his parent's and by the abuse he had received from the Dursleys would be a mistake. From the very first book Harry's view of the world starts off heavily skewed. Hell, his thought of a good birthday was half eaten ice cream, and a tagalong with his abusive cousin to the zoo. Throughout the series Harry continues to express disbelief when receiving gifts or praise from others, and becomes reclusive when other, especially his friends fight. And to say he isn't violent , or shows hatred would also be wrong. After the first book, he begins to stand up to his oppressive family despite the risks to himself, going so far as to threaten them. He was originally to be sorted into Slytherin wasn't he? But still, he rose up above his past, to become a better person. " At this point, James had rose from his seat, this argument starting to fill him with fervor.

"Oh, i'm sorry, i meant Dweedledumb. There is so much that dweedledee could have done, for example when they put the lock on the door to fluffy and the trap door, why would they make a lock that could be undone by simple students. Why would you make any of the challenges something that could be done using simple magic spells instead of complex ones, it's almost like it was designed with the intention to have harry and the mystery machine, seriously gang?, go through the challenges. They all nearly died, idc if you say that it was to mold them for the future, that was horribly irresponsible, the "Gang" was 11 years old at the time. The teachers attempts were lazy, they told them not to do things, but never did anything to really stop them from doing it. And dingledore died because he is an idiot, he believes too much in the good of humanity, he deserved to be clocked off the tower." Said Octavian posing like betty white on jeopardy albeit an incredibly handsome and muscular betty white.

"Ok, you're just messing with me at this point. You can't be doing this on accident. Dumbledore never meant for them to try and reach the Philosopher's Stone, and the hazards along the path was only a temporary situation. But even though you ridicule it's effectiveness, Harry and friends nearly died in their attempt to reach it. If it wasn't for their quick thinking, skills, and sacrifice. There might not have been a need for old noseless to track down the Elder Wand. It wasn't made to mold them, but still they overcame the trials. As First Years!", James practically shouts, before being hushed by one of the Librarians.

"And what is so wrong with believing in the good of humanity? Dumbledore thought that each and every child that walked through the doors of Hogwarts had the potential for good in them. And he died fighting for a noble cause."

"Alright this is when I beat you up, and take your lunch money, nerd" said Octavian reaching towards James menacingly

"Unhand me you muggle" said James, his body flickering, and revealing that he was in fact DRACO MALFOY, the guy who was a jerk the entire time, buts okay cause he decided not to kill anyone at the end. So now we celebrate him for being NOT as terrible as people who slaughter children and use black magic.

Malfoy sent an Avada Kedavra at Octavian, one in which Octavian couldn't deflect, and sent him flying away, catching himself briefly he then tripped over a broomstick and out the window. Landing on top of a LOCKED car, which became unlocked by the force of the hitting, before landing on the ground, and getting mauled to death by three dogs, because those dogs didn't like the black cloak that Octavian was wearing.