66 QUICKSAND

I never know Zach was capable of hating so passionately. I wish, desperately wish I didn’t have to love him. Billions of people in the world, anyone, but not, him.

Why him.

I need to go. I need to get myself away from his unbearable presence. The bomb exploded. Zach blew up. And I shattered.

Zach has hated me enough for a lifetime. And I have loved him enough, for a lifetime too. Now no more, of either.

I silently walk up to him. Bringing my voice into my throat. Picking up my pieces, and holding them together.

“You were right, you’re so fucked up, Zach and it’s no surprise that no one loves you, your parents, Brit, me, no one! And that’s how you’ll always be.”

A hiccup cuts through my voice and he looks at me with hidden anguish, as if every word burns him. And I want it to. I know he is not invincible. He is not insensitive to pain. And him choosing not to feel it, will not deliver him from it.

“Loving you was the biggest curse of my life.