14 MEMORY LANE

“Okay, that was quite an engaging… uh, discussion, I would say. Anyone else who would like to present their views?”

I am silently looking at my hands in my lap as I sense the room relaxing. All eyes and ears had been glued to us, seemingly dispersed now. No one else seems interested in speaking up and I am gratefu-

“Miss Richman – Surprising – Yes?”

Good gracious. I try my best to hide my scowl as I brace myself to hear the prized opinion of the epitome of happiness. I need to recheck those prices of sarcasm on eBay.

“I think tha-“ The high pitched voice is immediately cut off by the sound of the bell, signalling to the end of the track and much fortunately, my rescue.

A small relieved laugh threatens to escape my lips but I manage to supress it.

“Okay, we’ve unfortunately run out of time. Sorry, Miss Richman, perhaps another time. We start with emotions tomorrow, I don’t want anyone late. Class dismissed.”

“You were on fire, Dello , literally. And the look on Zach’s face! Wow.”

I smile a small, sad smile to her as I watch him leaving, casually conversing with Nathaniel. Everyone leaves while Ms. Xavier scribbles a few things on her journal. I pick up my things and am about to leave, when she suddenly interrupts me.

“I see what the talk is all about, Miss Callister .” She speaks up with a friendly smile and I wonder if there’s trouble here.

“I am sorry if I was out of line, professor. I just-“

“Never be sorry for expressing, Adalanna, except for when it hurts someone. They are but strong who have courage enough to express. I enjoyed my class today.”

I feel her words resonating within me as I pass a small, shy smile to her.

“Likewise, Ms. Xavier. Thank you.” I stand silently in the empty hall as I contemplate her words.

Should I be sorry, when the one being hurt by expression is my own self, Professor? I sigh.

*

“She really said that? Dello , that’s great! You do know Ms. Xavier is teachers’ representative, right? She likes you, which most probably wins you the teachers’ votes.” Lily squeals in excitement and people pass us looks as we walk through the hallway towards the lockers.

“Calm down, Lil. It was just a small conversation and it’s not going to affect elections, in any way, considering – I’m not going to contest, in the first place.”

I punch in my code and open my locker, keeping my books inside as Lily gives me a horrid look.

“What, but the posters, and Daniel wants you to, and I want you to. You’re just perfe-“

“The posters are nothing, Lily. You know that. And I’m not going to contest, okay?” I look down to my schedule to see my next class and I freeze momentarily as I read music.

Damn. I did not check this. Celia must have added it to my list of subject preferences. But I can’t. I can’t take music. That too with him, whom I know will be there. Not music. Anything but music.

“But then Dello -“

“Listen, I got class. I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Wait, which class? I’ve got calculus. God!”

“Literature.” I walk away silently, my head down and not knowing where I was going.

Lily doesn’t know and when she does, I won’t have an explanation for her, which is why I don’t tell her that I had music, which I won’t attend.

I find myself walking up to the cafeteria and I decide to take some coffee, maybe spend the time here, as a free period. I casually chuckle with guilt, wondering what Celia would have to say about my bunking my class.

Well, if it would have been Math, she would have probably sent me a virtual fist bump with a ‘You go, girl’ chant in the background.

I look all around me, the cafeteria is never empty. I sip on my coffee casually, as my mind drifts off to the psychology class. It was true, everything I had said.

Zach will never belong with one girl. He will never be that man. He is not capable of that commitment. He probably will never be happy, either. Not until he’s like this.

And I knew it even then, when I had let him humiliate me savagely. I should never have said that to him. Ms. Xavier mentioned that expression is not something to be apologetic about. So then why did I feel sorry to have expressed myself? So much that I am running away from music. The one thing I had loved so passionately and which had protected me from emotions I didn’t even remember now.

All because of him.

Music has become more his than mine. And I refuse to be part of anything of his. Even if it is something that had been part of me, once.

“I don’t think I remember that chord, I haven’t played it for a long time.” I speak up to the tall handsome figure sitting on the tool that I had just vacated annoyingly for him, in return of a dazzling, shy smile of his.

I smile widely myself, much due to my own happiness. If there had ever been a moment when his smile had failed to make me a bit happier of a person, then I remembered it not.

“Which one?” I see his eyes spark up in confusion, waiting for my answer.

“F# minor. The bar.”

“This one?” He gives me another one of his proud smiles as he plays a strum of the chord I had forgotten. “It’s easy.”

“Yes, because you remember it.” I huff in annoyance while removing my eyes from him. Zach and his arrogance. Just like life and oxygen.

“Alright fine, come here, I’ll show you.” A smile creeps up my face slowly as I walk up to him and ask for the guitar.

“You want to know the chord right? You don’t need the whole of the guitar. Just the fretboard.” I look at him in confusion as he gestures me to bend down.

had always been a bit shorter than him, hence, a little bending and I was on his level, our faces just beside each other.

“The first finger here, the second here, hold it there and the pinky – right over here. Rings a bell?” He takes my left hand and places each of the fingers on the strings.

I fight back the goosebumps that appear all over me at his touch, as I look up to find myself excessively close to his face and my front almost touching his side where he sits.

I feel myself drowning in his eyes and he removes them just as quickly while I blush myself. He gives a downward strum which brings me out of my trance, because of it sounding like a dying pig.

Which is when I realise that he had intended me to hold the chord while he strummed. He makes a confused, disgusted face as I realise that I haven’t been holding the chord pressed enough which had caused the sound.

His face relaxes, on realisation and puts on amusement as he looks at my fingers and then at me.

“Know what? Don’t bother. You won’t be able to, with your twigs of a finger. They’re like chicken wings!” He is fighting back a smile and I hit him playfully while standing up to my normal position.

I move away and he breaks into a hearty laughter. All I could do is silently gaze at him with a suppressed smile of my own. Happiness suits him. The way that dimple appears on his cheek adding to his handsomeness. The vein that stands out on his forehead. The eyes that shine in bliss and the sound tha-

“There you are! I have been looking all over for you. Literature finished early?”

I hear Lily’s voice beside me as she sits herself and I lower my head, taking a sip of my coffee, in an attempt to hide my eyes.

“No, not really. I just got here.” I didn’t realise a full period had passed by, me sitting here.

“Yeah. So we were talking about something.” She props up her head on her palm, resting her elbow on the table.

“We were?”

“The Council. You are going to contest.”

“Lily, I can’t believe you’re still talking about it. I am not contesting, okay? Just because some crazy guy put on posters of me all over, doesn’t mean I’m going to participate.”

“Yeah, I know. But then are you telling me that if the whole thing had not happened you wouldn’t have contested yourself?”

“No. Why would I?” Seriously I don’t want anything to do with all this. I have had enough drama.

“Because you’re… you. You’ve always been into these things. Dello , this is the Students’ Council we are talking about. And it’s the position of The Chairperson. Everybody wants it, come on.”

I pick up all my things and remind myself to visit the administration wing to request a change in subject. I stand up and look at Lily straight in the eye.

“Well, too bad I’m not everybody.”

*

It’s been absolutely crazy with Lily always on my back, for a good couple of days, trying to talk me into this Students’ Council thing. And I have constantly refused, but she won’t back down. Deep down, even I don’t know what it really is that is stopping me but I don’t want to have anything to do with all this.I just want a simple college life. Is that too much to ask for?

It seems it is, considering all the drama that has entangled me and the person responsible for everything is having a grand lif-

My steps halt in my way, as my eyes silently take in the picture in front of me. My stare never falters, just blurs after a moment due to the accumulating moisture.

Zach stands, his back facing me as he gently kissed some girl trapped between his arms, against the pillar. She has her hands in his hair and from the looks of it, she isn’t Victoria Secret either.

This is nothing like the brunch, where I had known he was playing up. This Zach is slow, gentle and carnal, probably looking a lot like a person happily in lov-

I stand there, motionless unable to think or respond as a confusing emotion climbs upon me. There’s a pang in my chest, an electrifying churning in my stomach and a blaring through my head.

And I dread the emotion to be hurt. I can’t possibly be- hurt.

I turn around hastily and walk away as fast as I can, as far as I can from him.

I remind myself that he doesn’t deserve even a drop of my tear. But I can’t get over the hanging pain as I enter the almost empty classroom.

I have Psychology now, which means everyone will be here in a few minutes. I take out my copy of Romeo and Juliet and open it to a random page.

“And what love does that dares love attempt… “

I reach the lot just in time as I notice him entering his car, when he meets my eyes, and stops midway.

“I don’t ditch.” I whisper to him with a small taunting smile. I walk up to him without breaking eye contact and he stands still, holding the car door open, still lost in my words, probably.



Author's note:

Zach and Alanna have had something definitely. Something so cliché, yet so adorable.

Wait till we know.

The flush of first love. Crazy. Stupid. Cheesy.

Forgive your younger self for being so childish, and be proud of her being so unapologetic about it.

Memories are too important.

** remembering Stefan Salvatore’s voice saying that **

** dreamy sigh **