15 L-O-V-E

I take a seat on the nearby cemented raising and take out the food I had saved all day. He casually comes over and sits beside me, looking anywhere but at me. I pass on the foil box to him and his eyes sparkle and a smile erupts as he sets his eyes upon them.

“Great. Spoon?”

“I don’t have one.”

“What? How am I supposed to eat it then?”

“I have to figure out every damn thing? Use your hands for all I care.”

I hide my amusement at his silent difficulty, before speaking up again.

“I just have one, and plus it’s dirty so-“ I had dropped it earlier while waiting in the football court and I had not washed it as well. So it was true, but his predicament is just too hilarious.

“Give whatever you have, come on.” He rolls his eyes.

Okay, if you want to play it like that, Hayden. I hand him the fallen spoon, waiting to see his reaction when I notice him almost using it. I smack down his hand immediately and snatch away the spoon, before rinsing it and handing it back to him.

Things I do for this human being.

“You’re impossible.”

He digs in the food and almost moans in delight and I silently sit, watching him eat. His jaw moves slowly while chewing, his eyes, bathed in delight. I must be looking like a lovesick puppy right now, but then I realise that even a normal action like eating can be so beautiful, when done by someone special. And here I thought I was angry.

“I still can’t believe you made me wait the entire lunch break, alone. And you’re ignoring it like it never happened.”

“I’m sorry sweetheart, really I am. I was called to the Principal’s office for that upcoming sports event that you haven’t a clue about. I was on my way when I had to change ways, couldn’t inform.” He justifies, his voice somewhere muffled due to the mouthfuls of lasagna stuffed in his mouth. And just like that, every shred of my anger dissipates. I don’t like myself sometimes.

“This is actually good!”

“Why else do you think I had Celia make it. It’s a birthday special.” He nods, smiling in approval and I really couldn’t ask for more.

I notice Matt coming over, almost ruining our moment, when Zach turns slightly towards me, actively shielding his food. Well, ‘my’ food.

“Seriously dude, I’ve been looking all over for you. And you’re really going to eat that all alone?”

“Of course I will. What makes you think otherwise? It was brought just for me, alright.”

I don’t really understand what to make of everything he said, if anything at all. But it sure does fill me with strange bubbly giddiness. My smile gets wider as I spot a small pride and taunting amusement in Zach’s eyes. He knew it was exclusive. And it was.

“Here, take it. I have to run. I’m running late.” He hands back the food to me, some of it remaining.

“Wha-, at least finish it, Zach.”

“No, I really can’t. Mom’s gonna make me lunch and if I don’t eat that full, she’ll want an explanation.”

He says with an uneasy apology, nervousness lingering behind his words and I chuckle at how adorable this actually sounded. Zach Hayden and mom’s lunch. I feel an extraordinary satisfaction that he's getting somewhat closer to them.

“Last one.” I say, and he takes another mouthful from the box, now in my hand, while standing up hurriedly and so do I. I intend to watch him leave, when shockingly he takes my right hand and softly places a gentle, feather light kiss on my knuckles.

“Happy birthday, sweetheart.”

He runs his way in long strides up to the door of his car, while I stand there with an athletic heart and numb mind. Just as I catch my breath, Zach rolls down his window and shouts out.

“Eat the rest, you haven’t had anything the whole day.”

And he drives away, out of my sight. I take a spoonful of the lasagna, silently wondering if that was actually why he didn’t eat all of it.

“Sorry, I’m late. I had to go the administration wing, had some important stuff to do.” I hear Lily talking as she settles down beside me, as have most of the students by now.

I must have missed them entering. I turn around instantly towards his regular place, and sure enough I find him there, seated in his navy blue V-neck, the usual sleeves rolled up, paired with black jeans and the fringe that fell gorgeously on his forehead.

He is engaged in a conversation with Nathaniel and he pushes off the fringe with painful slowness, just as he turns straight to find my eyes. I look on, look on as I would the moon, far away, beautiful, flawed and un-gettable, for just a second before I flip my head back towards my desk.

“What were you doing in the administration wing anyway?” I ask Lily casually to take my mind off but she doesn’t get to answer, as Ms. Xavier enters.

“Morning, class! Today we start with the effects and reactions of emotions on the human mind, and I would like to take it slow with you because this happens to be a tricky area. Now who remembers the six major emotions we talked about?”

My mind drifts off and my thoughts fleet away as I fail to remove the image of Zach with that girl, from my system. I thought I was over this. Voices of a few students fall on my ears carelessly as I struggle hard to forget it.

He can do whatever he wants to, with whoever he wants to with. My concern is my reaction to this all. I knew Zach to be this, all along.

Love is one thing he is not capable of. And I thought I was done getting affected.

“Mr. Hayden? Can we have your views on the question?” I notice Ms. Xavier’s voice breaking my thoughts, as she talks about some question that I must have missed. Zach seems to have been silent too long for himself and I wonder what is taki-

“It’s a shout into nothing. Love – is not real. A hobby for some, a disease for the rest. It’s painful. And it’s overrated.

For me, it’s merely a neural and hormonal reaction to people.

It’s an expectation that slowly turns into an excuse.

It’s as good as a sunset, which though people find beautiful and alluring, has nothing to offer except darkness.”

“You’re saying you don’t believe in true love, Mr. Hayden?” I sit with silent and sad expectation as I know what his answer would be.

A desperate tear erupts in my insides as I realise that this is one thing Zach would never disappoint me on.

“I don’t believe in love at all, professor.” I smile an inward sardonic smile and I wish I would not have felt so much for someone like him.

Every memory of us together was a silent reminder of all I had, and all I didn’t anymore. Nevertheless, the empty relishing of the emotions I had experienced then, was worth it all.

“Ms. Callister ? Are you alright?” I look up to find concerned eyes of Ms. Xavier and my own tear filled ones.

“Yes.” I breathe out in a whisper and Lily grabs my hand under the table.

“Perhaps something you would like to say?”

“Uh, I’m s-sorry I must have missed the question professor.”

“Before we started on emotional understanding I wanted to see where you stand in the understanding of them. So I just asked for an individual opinion on them, the first one being love.”

I blink my eyes twice and a deafening silence prevails all over. Love.

My head reels with everything as I try to answer audibly.

“L-love is… “

“And you think the dress will fit you?” Zach looks at me a teasing smile and I grab his hair fisting them around, all the while smacking him.

“Yes it will.”

“We’ll see about that.”

He breaks into a heavenly laughter and I can’t help joining in.

We both laugh off infectiously and I feel a strange sadness in the moment that even this moment will have to end eventually.

“… a memory-“

“Adalanna hush, it’s all right. I’m right here.” I clutch on to his collars tightly as I weep unrestrained tears and he simply holds me, rocking me gently.

He doesn’t wipe my tears, just holds me while I let them out.

“… a presence-“

“Whoooooo! You can’t catch me Zach!”

I run breathlessly on the empty fields with Zach behind me, running to catch up. I can feel the cold wind storming past my face, and I feel so, alive.

“Don’t count on that, Callister !”

I scoff at his words and soon enough he indeed catches up to me, arms snaking up around my waist and making me fall on to the lush grass, screaming.

“HAYDEN! YOU-U!”

I pant heavily as he lies beside me and our eyes squint, in stomach achingly intense laughter as the bright sunshine falls on us divinely.

“… a reminder that we’re alive. The r-reality of which beats our very own existence.”

I close my eyes, and interlink both my hands as I knelt down, before the dim lights of the Cathedral.

“Let him be safe. Let him be happy. Let him have the share of love he deserves. Be with him. Help him fulfil the smallest of wishes and biggest of dreams. Amen.”

“It’s life for some, means to live for the rest.”

I turn inwards in an attempt to untangle our hands, as all the rest of our teammates stand, arms entangled. We have to win this game. But the turn catches me off guard as I almost collide with him, standing just beside me.

My pupils dilate and I feel myself stiffening at the contact. My back was pressed against his front and I could feel his erotically uneven breath on my hair.

I stop breathing and I momentarily lose track of everything else apart from us. And in that moment, us and our proximity seemed the only thing to matter.

Neither of us speak a word as the closeness seems to last an eternity before another movement drives us separate.

“Sure it’s scientific but the relishing of it is far beyond the descriptions of logic.”

“Zach.” My voice cracks as my eyes close involuntarily. He has me pinned against my locker with his hands on either side, actively trapping me.

He inches closer as the raw, tantalising smell of his fragrance mixed with sweat and cologne makes me weak in the knees.

“Adalanna … hush.” I feel the touch of his lips on my ear lobe and I fist his shirt at the collar, against an aggressive heartbeat that I can hear, holding onto him for dear life.

“It’s gonna be a day worth remembering.”

“It’s a strange v-vulnerability and a stranger fulfilment at that vulnerability.” A lone tear of mine falls amid the screaming silence.

“It’s as good as a sunset which though offers darkness, promises a new dawn, and with it, life itself.”

The silence continues to prevail, as I dreamily look away into an absolution that would never come. And in this moment, I know that every ounce of the living love that had lived with me was spent. On him.

And I wish I could have loved him less. Or better yet, not at all.

Author's note:

Love.

One word and the infinite chain of stories.

Alanna loved Zach, it would seem. Or should we use the present tense?!

Whose view on love, would you support? Alanna ’s. Or. Zach’s.

Drop your opinions.

Like, vote, comment.