17

There I was lying underneath him while he hovers over me. I was shaking and scared. I don't know what's wrong with him. I have been calling his name but he doesn't hear me.

I was trying very hard to keep myself together but with each passing second when he didn't let me go I was growing nervous.

He shifts over me and I held my breath. I know what he is doing. I felt him at my entrance and i tried to get to him one last time.

"Josh..." That's all I got out before he thrusted into me filling me at once. I was dry so it was very painful intrusion.

I scream out in pain and a tear fall from my eyes. He was still holding my hands above my head and I was lying under him helplessly as he pound into me harder and harder. I was silently crying with each thrust in and out of me.

"Stop!" I said through my tears. He didn't stop he just continue to thrust in and out of me. It was very painful because I wasn't wet I was dry.

For a minute I was back at my old house where I use to live with my step dad. When I look at the man above me I saw my step dad he had that merciless look on his face like he was going to do this until I split in half.

I had bruises all over my body. He grabbed both my breast in his hands and smile with that look in his eyes. He pinched my nipples painfully and i cried out in pain.

Tears run down my face. I was crying for the pain in my breast between my legs and the pain in my heart. I could never escape from him. He pulls out of me completely and thrust in fast and hard. He did it over and over again while I scream for him to stop.

I was exhausted. This was the third time that night he took me against my will. I fought him the first two and was beaten til I he was finish and because the first two was very painful I didn't fight the third on because I wanted him to be done and leave me alone. Although I wasn't fighting it was still painful. I hated him so bad.

I was going to block out from tiredness but he slapped me in my face and I jumped. "You don't get to block out on me you little slut i want to feel when I'm fucking your tight little cunt." He groaned.

My eyes widened and I was back in the present with Josh onto off me. He released himself inside of me while I cried. I didn't want to relive that again and I didn't wanted this to happen to me. He pulls out and stand up away from me. I felt so sore but that wasn't the only pain i was feeling. My heart was broken. He hurt me in the worst way possible that someone could hurt me.

He violated me. Took me without my consent and when I told him to stop he didn't and because of that I had to relive my past that I tried so hard to forget. The memories I had pushed to the back of my mind. The memories that I thought was gone after two years of counseling. He bought them back.

I can't believe he did this to me. He raped me. He's my boyfriend and he raped me. I was feeling like my teenage self again. Violated and dirty. But instead of running to the bathroom to get myself clean I curled up into a ball and sobbed.

"Rosie are you alright you're shaking and crying?" He asked sounding worry but i know not to fall for his tricks he did this to me.

He touched me and jumped out of his reach liked he burned me or slap me. I felt bike rising to my throat and i jumped up on my knees holding onto the edge of the bed and emptied the contents of my stomach on the floor.

I was shaking and I thought I was going to fall over the edge of the bed. I was clutching onto the bed like my life depend on it. "Rosie are you okay?" He asked and touched my back to soothe me by i flinched away from his touch. "Rosie..." He said concerned.

"Don't touch me." I whispered and moved away from him. He watched me his hands still suspended in the air. He looked at me confused

"Did I hurt you? If I did Rosie I'm so sorry but don't move away from me like that." He said but I only shake my head and fold my knees holding it to my chest shaking.

"Talk to me. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just wanted to prove my love to you because you didn't believe me when I tell you. I'm sorry that u hurt you Rosie." I was still quiet.

When he realized this he cursed. "Dammit Rosie talk to me!" He yelled at me and I flinched away. "Christ i didn't mean it."

I was shaking more in fear of him hitting me. He realized his mistake and curse at himself. I was curled faraway from him trembling that he might do more than rape me he might hit me too and i didn't want that it might trigger another bad memory.

I was crying. My shoulder shaking and sobs leaving my body. I don't want to live like that. I can't live like that again. I can't stay here anymore. I have all that in mind but somehow i was rooted to the stop on the bed where i was sitting. It was like i was my teenage self again. Helpless with no where else to go. I don't want to kill someone again. That made me cry more.

Josh was by my side trying to touch me but i would flinch. He left his hand to my face and i visible flinch ready for the impact that was coming. More tears fall from my eyes when I realized that he was going to slap me to stop the crying like my step dad use to when I would cry non stop.

He had a hurt expression when he realized that i was scared of him with my wide eyes filled with tears and my shaking form flinching away from his touch.

His warms hand met with my face but not a slap or a fist he was wiping my tears that keeps coming and disappearing at my jaw line. Of course I flinched but he didn't remove his thumb away from my face.

My heart was still racing and i was still shaking. He pulled me into his arms and I flinch. I feel him tense and i was afraid to pull away from him in fear that he would hit me.

Soon darkness took over me and I was introduced to a dreamless sleep. I don't know the reason why I have a dreamless sleep if it was because of what I went through at the moment or I was exhausted.

I woke up the next morning like most mornings with the sun peaking through the curtain and in my face.

My body was in pain. From my head to my toe. I had an headache, my eyes hurt and my private hurts the most. I opened my eyes to be hit with images of what happened last night. I looked beside me to see the man that is making my heart clenching painfully in my chest and my throat getting constricted. He hands were around me holding me securely in his arms while he sleep.

These hands hurt me last night. i started shaking in his hold wishing what happened last night never had happened to me.

My shaking must have woken him up because his hold tightened around me. His eyes flutter open to look at me and i look down. I couldn't look him in the eyes anymore.

He sighed and sat up in the bed still holding me. "Rosie I'm sorry about last night. I am sorry that I did this to you. I'm sorry if i had bought you back to a place you never wanted to see again. I'm sorry if what i did was a tramautic experience for you. I'm sorry Rosie please for give me. I'm so sorry." He started apologising profusingly. He pulled me closer to him. "Please i don't want you to look at me with fear in your eyes or flinch away from my touch like i burn you i want you to lean into my touch again and I'll do anything to make the fear go away and you don't flinching every time i get close to you. I'm sorry for last night Rosie. I am."

I stayed silent. I don't know how he is going to get rid of this fear or stop me from flinching when he is in close proximity but i don't think i could ever go back to the way things were between us. If we can't we just have to tell each other good bye.

I don't speak to him. I just stayed there tense in his arms trembling. How could we go from kissing and cuddling to this. My step dad has ruined me and my life and anyone that are in it.

I don't know what made me stayed after having the experience with him but i did. I never told him what I had happened to me before and why experience had made me fear and flinch away from him.

It took months for us to go back to the way things were before that happened. Although it did at one point in our relationship i would still feel threatened by his presence so i had secretly went to a psychiatrist.

That was when i stopped fearing him and made him come closer to me til our body was pressed together without any space between us. It was then we got intimate again when i said it was okay but i had warned him never to do something like that again and he promised.