2 Prologue

00 - Shattered.

I went in Jax's car. We're on the way home after what happened a while ago. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do after everything that happened today.

It feels like I can't break the silence and talk or even do something because I'm too tired and in too much pain. The weariness of everything that happened not only this day washed over me. I just closed my eyes.

The wind passed inside the car, and I know that Jax is beside me now. I heard a heavy sigh. I just focused on something rather than him.

I almost jumped when I felt his hand trying to hold mine. I swatted away his hand and diverted my eyes away from him.

I leaned on the window of the car and just closed my eyes. I don't want to talk to him because I might break down if I will.

I can feel my tears are threatening to fall, and I don't want him to see that I'm breaking.

It so much hurts! Hurting is an understatement. Because in all honesty, I'm breaking inside.

The pain is slowly and excruciatingly consuming me that I never experience until now.

I mustered every courage to face my problems almost every day. But not this one. I'm a strong person, but why can't I today. I can feel my heartbreak, and I don't even know if this, our relationship, will still be saved.

"Love." He carefully and slowly whispered to call my attention. Love?

Why does he talk like that? Why is his voice breaking? Am I… Am I the reason why he's like that? Or it must be my imagination because that is what I feel right at this moment.

I didn't open my eyes. I just shut it down painfully. I don't want Jax to see my eyes full of pain, regret, and disappointment at him.

He's trying to hold my hand again. And this time, I didn't try to refuse his hold. I let him hold my hand and feel his touch one more time.

To feel the warmth his hand can only give me. Trying to reminisce every happy moment I shared with him every time we are together with the warmth of touch.

"Love." He called me again.

This time, I composed myself and looked at him. He looks weary and tired, and his eyes were full of regret and pain…

Regret? Pain? Why is the feeling that way? I don't understand. I don't even understand everything anymore.

"Baby."

"What?" Maybe he felt my disappointment and anger because of the coldness of my voice after I replied.

"Do you... want us to go to our penthouse first? I want us to... talk. I want to explain."

Wow! The almighty Blaze Jackson Villaraza is stuttering. And explain? What is he trying to explain now that seeing what happened a while ago is too much to take and enough to understand what this will be?

Several thoughts are running in my mind, but maybe my mouth has a way to speak what it wants. So, I let him.

"Okay."

I heard him heaved a heavy sigh, but I didn't look at him. Instead, I went back, leaning on the window, and closed my eyes.

The silence is deafening us. I just felt that his car started again. I hear him sigh every now and then.

I gazed at him, and he's just using his one hand in driving. And at that time, I just noticed that he's still holding my hand up until now. He looks like he's afraid to break away from his hold, and if he does, I'll vanish eventually.

After that long drive, we arrived at the prestigious hotel that their family owns. A valet approached us, and Jax went out. He gave the keys to the valet and went to the side of his car where I was.

He opened the door, and immediately his right arm went behind my back. I wanted to walk all by myself, but I just let him do what he wants. Maybe, there's still a part of me that also wants to be held by him like this again.

We went inside, and the employees greet us. He, as usual, didn't dare to at least look at them.

I looked up and saw him intently staring at me. I badly want to roll my eyes at him.

I just managed to look at the employees and smiled at them. We went inside their private elevator, and silence is present again in the atmosphere.

He let go of his hold from my back and looked for my left hand. He held my hand and intertwined our fingers.

After that, we are now in front of his three-story penthouse. He typed his passcode, and we went in.

I immediately went to his room. I know that he's following me behind. Thankfully, I left my duffle bag here to use in storing the clothes that I usually use here in his penthouse.

I got my bag while he sat on his bed and watching my moves.

"Baby, what are you doing?" His voice laced with shuddering fear while looking at me.

"I will get my things here and bring them home."

I'm too glad that mommy and daddy aren't home. They went abroad to travel. I am sure that if they saw me there, with my duffle bag, they'll ask me a series of questions that I don't want to happen, especially this tiring day.

My older brothers, Kuya Zavi and Kuya Zach, were in their own condominiums. I am the only one who didn't separate from mom and dad because of my two brothers. They are very protective of me, and them knowing what happened between Jax and me may create a significant conflict among them.

So, I don't want them to know what happened. Maybe in time, but not now.

"Cali, please, let me explain. Please, baby." He looked unsettled and restless and followed me everywhere while I am busy gathering my clothes.

"Don't talk to me. I don't want to hear your explanations." I am very thankful that my voice didn't break while saying those words.

"Cali, hear me out. Please. Love. Please."

He pulled me and made me sit down on his bed but don't want to look at his face. I am feeling too much pain and disappointment. Why did you do this, Jax?

He cupped my face and guided my face to look at him.

"Baby, look at me."

I met his eyes. His eyes were mirroring mine. The pain in his eyes is enough for me to know that he is hurting too.

But why? Why is he hurting when in the first place, he is the reason why this is happening? What did I do wrong? What went wrong?

"Baby, I'm very sorry. Please, don't leave me. I don't know what to do if you will leave me. Cali, please, I'm very sorry."

I removed his hand from my face and stand up from the bed, but he chased me. He held my hand and tried to turn me around to face him.

When I am staring at him, he suddenly knelt in front of me that made me gasped. He held my legs that made me squirm from his hold, but he just tightened it to refrain me from breaking free.

I felt something wet on my legs, and when I looked don, I saw him and his shoulders were shaking, and I knew he is crying.

He's crying because of me… Maybe he's crying because he felt and knew what I want to do this night. That I want to break not only from his hold but also in this relationship and his life…

"I'm very sorry, love. I'm so sorry. Damn! If only I could turn back the time, if only I could, I would. I will not do it. I don't know what happened to me and why I did that. Love, please, forgive me."

"Yes, Jax, if we are just capable of turning back the time… If we just can, but we really can't. It's already been done. You already did it, and it already happened. That is why we are here we are now. So, please, let me go."

I am crying right now. I felt the hot tears streaming down my face. It seems like my heart was squeezed because of what is happening. It hurts to see Jax crying because of me.

I seldom see him that way. Right now, his guards are down. And looking at him, I can tell that he is very miserable right now.

"No. No. No. Please, baby, I will do everything you want. But please, don't leave me. Please, I will die if you do."

He tightened his hold on me. He's too distraught to see me disappear.

"Jax, it will bleed me to death if you won't let me go… I am in pain, which is the better way to lessen the hurt I'm feeling. Let me go, please. Just let me go."

It took my willpower to push him, and I succeed. He looked like a child who is highly helpless and weak while I'm looking at him. Tears were cascading on his handsome face.

It hurts, though. That was why I avoided my eyes away from Jax. I went to the closet to get my clothes.

I am staying here since we graduated from college. We decided to live together, and it was okay for my parents and his. Because we thought this is where the course of our relationship will go.

But they didn't know that I will end this right now. My mind was too hay-wired, but I am too firm with my decision that I want to end this now. I put my things inside the bag.

I am too tired of crying every night. Maybe after this, when I reach home, I will shed tears again. I know that it will take time for me to move on, but I can do it.

I am very much in love with him. He's my first. First love. First kiss. All my firsts in everything. I gave everything I could offer.

I love him so much that it breaks witnessing this moment in our lives. It so much hurts to know that he really did this to me.

I carried my duffle bag and started to walk to go out of his bedroom. This room contained every most of my happy memories with him that I will remember after I leave. After I leave from his life…

I saw him at the door, looking miserable and sullen. I bit my lower lip to refrain myself from shedding tears again.

Goodbye, Jax...

I walked towards the door where he is. I was about to go out, but he pulled me and gave me a tight embrace.

He is crying again. I feel his tears on my shoulder and his low sobs that filled my ears and caused my heart to constrict. His head is shaking while his hold around my body tightened even more.

It was like he is telling me not to leave him. It looked like he's saying that I should not let go and leave him alone.

"Baby, please, I'm begging you. Don't leave me... please. I will fetch you from work, and I will never be late. I will go shopping with you even if it's long, Cali. I will go wherever you go. I will cook all your favorites every day. I will take you out on a date every day. I will do everything you want. I will give you anything you want..." His eyes were restless.

"If you want, you can come to my meeting out of the country. I will give you flowers every day. I will call you from time to time. That's what you... want, right, baby? I will do that for you. You will not hear any complaint from me. You will not hear something you don't like. I will never ever hurt you again, baby. I will never make you cry again, Cali. Baby, we can fix this. Please, one last chance, baby. Give me this one last chance, my Cali."

One last chance… I badly want to, but I don't know what to do if I stay with him after this. If what will happen to us… to me if I will be with him always see him at all times.

"I'm sorry, Jax, but I can't. I knew about this before, but I didn't talk and tell you about it because maybe I am hoping that my suspicions and doubts were wrong… or if I let it go, maybe you'll think right and stop before we reach the point where we are right now. I thought you will go back to your senses that what you're doing was wrong. I hoped and expected that I was wrong… that I am the one who's not trusting enough in this relationship because you love me and you will never do it." I am almost out of breath...

"But no… I was slapped from the fact that my every doubts and suspicion were valid. I gave you the benefit of the doubt because I know you, and I love you. You fooled me, Jax. You cheated on me... And I don't know how to forgive you because of what you did. I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe, leaving you is the best thing I will do."

He is shaking his head, and I feel that he's still crying while his head is buried on my shoulder. The tears that I am trying to resist from coming out betrayed me. It hurts to know that I am really ending this.

"I don't want to, Cali. I don't want to. I'll change. Just stay. We can work this out, baby. I don't want to lose you. Love, please, just stay with me. Please, Cali."

"Jax, please, don't push it anymore… what you did, hurts. I don't want to be with you carrying this anger from what you did. It will break me from staying with you. So, please, Jax, please, I'm begging you, let me go."

I am trying too hard to release from his arms that were wrapped around.

Until… he loosened his hold on me. He is finally letting me go.

I tiptoed to reach his face. One last time… I cupped his face and kissed him for the last time.

Our eyes were closed, but tears were still streaming down from our eyes. I am breaking… I was released from the kiss.

"Goodbye, Jax."

"Cali."

And that was the last words I said before walking out his door and before walking out on his life. He is calling me, but I didn't look back.

I didn't bother to turn my gaze. Because if I do and see Jax's eyes, maybe I will give in again and neglect my hurt feelings again.

Maybe I will run to him and let his actions pass and welcome him again in my life.

I love him so much and what breaks me more is the reality that the future we are planning to do, shattered in front of me.

abbeysrnwp.

Note: Kuya is used in our native language, Filipino. It means elder brother.

Ate is also used in our native language, and it means elder sister.