I Am Gay

On the day Lee Whan walked out of his brother's house, Lee Yong felt there was no ground beneath his feet.

Lee Yong sat on the sofa, not knowing what to do as he stared at the door his brother shut on the way out. It felt like every possible way to reach out to his brother was shut but on his face.

His world froze when his brother walked out.

He could not help but think back to when they used to play together, laugh together and be each other's best buddies. They were literally 11 months apart in age. So ideally, everyone thought the two should share a close bond as if they were twins. They used to have a good bond, but Lee Yong does not even know what happened, and things turned sour between them.

But things changed for the worst, and he did not remember most of the incidents.

They were children.

Lee Yong froze, not knowing how things screwed this bad, and he had zero recollection of such incidents that led to it. Few arguments and fights were blurry, but he does not remember the details. His mother always took him away whenever there was a fight or when they reprimanded Lee Whan for something.

He did not even know why his parents reprimanded his little brother and were always strict with him. As a child, he did not bother as long as he was not scolded. Now he regrets not being nosy and standing firm by his brother.

Thinking back, he could not even remember why Lee Whan got scolded almost all the time.

Pushing away everything from the past, Lee Yong focused on the issue. He could not help but mutter to himself. "How did I not know that my brother is gay?!"

"He is not gay! I am sure!" Na Hyun Joon spoke the words without even thinking.

The only thing on his mind since Lee Whan left was suffering.

The man who gave him hope and was the light during his dark days was suffering himself.

He was processing everything he learned and wondered about Lee Whan's sexuality.

He could not move past wondering how many grievances Lee Whan suffered over the years that now walking away was easy.

Lee Yong glared at Na Hyun Joon for disregarding his brother's sexuality and felt a surge of protectiveness. "He already said his sexuality…."

"But he never said he is gay." Hyun Joon smiled softly, understanding their leader's protectiveness.

"How are you so sure?" Lee Yong did not flatter due to the smile and still glared at Hyun Joon.

Na Hyun Joon was quiet for a minute. He looked at everyone, especially their manager, before taking a deep breath. Because only their manager knew about it and they decided to keep it silent for as long as possible. Then he spoke softly. "I am gay. I am pretty sure I can spot one easily. My gaydar is pretty accurate. You know?!"

Lee Yong was baffled, and he could not find a word. He had one thought in his mind and was ashamed that he even had such a thought as the first thing. 'Why did everyone decide it is a good day to come out today? What the hell is going on?'

"Gaydar is nothing but a myth. We knew you for years and never thought about the possibility of you being gay until you said it yourself." Yun Soo, the well-known playboy, was the first to speak, and he was the only one who was not surprised about Hyun Joon's sexuality. Either he already knew or did not think of it as an issue.

"Yeah… he is right. People stupidly say that gay people behave differently. It is not true. Come on." Chung Seok, who was always clueless, spoke the wise words casually. Even though he was king of obliviousness, he was the eldest band member and once in a while, and he does act his age.

"I am sorry. I never knew." Ji Yu apologised politely.

He himself did not know why he was apologising - whether it was because he did not know about Hyun Joon being gay or because he did not know what to say to Hyun Joon. But no one commented on it.

Hyun Joon smiled at his band members. He did not have a plan to come out of the closet. Ever! But he thought if Lee Yong knew about him, it would be easy for their leader to accept his brother.

He wanted Lee Yong to think having different sexual orientations and preferences is okay.

He wanted Lee Yong to accept his brother Lee Whan.

He wanted Lee Whan to have at least one less burden.

Yun Soo hugged Hyun Joon and ruffled the youngest member's hair affectionate;y. "What is there to know?! Nothing changes the fact that he is our baby love no matter what!"

Yun Soo looked at his band members to say anything against it. But everyone nods their head with a smile.

Everyone but their leader.