12 *Side Story 1
While Yixuan desperately goes after his kitten let's take a moment to explore his obsession.
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Yixuan POV
I have always floated through life in boredom. The world always looked grey and colorless. When I was 7 years old I was sent to a school for the rich and wealthy. We were all the same, being raised by maids and butlers, never seeing our so called 'family'. We were taught that friendship was all about making connections so socialize wisely. We would shallowly make and break friendships according to what benefits we would receive. I was trained intensively in business history, intercompany relations and social judgment. I lived in a dog eat dog world but everything was colorless.
I would look outside the window of my mercedes when getting dropped off at school, and I would see children smiling, laughing and playing in a playground. That life was foreign and incomprehensible to me. After I finished my education I thought that by ruthlessly fighting for the ownership of the company and bringing it to the pinnacle of the business world I would feel something. But even at the top, with all of that power, I was alone and the world remained grey. I would dabble in whatever I thought might be interesting. I used people for amusement. Whenever a woman would throw herself at me I would be disgusted. But sometimes I would go along with it just out of sheer boredom. But even that got tiring after a while.
The day I first saw him was normal and monotonous. I had decided to walk to the office, despite all of the pleading not to do so. I was followed by two bodyguards and I was randomly looking around at people. There at the zebra crossing a youth, probably in college, was standing there in a hoodie with headphones on. I could see someone beside him trying to talk to him but he didn't even turn. It peaked my curiosity so I stopped to watch him for a while. Was he an ass or did he actually not hear her? Without looking at anybody he just started to walk across the road, but as he almost got to the middle a car was driving towards him and honking the horn. He didn't even turn and kept walking. Was he suicidal? Was he deaf? It was the first time that something actually caught my interest. I tried to follow him with my eyes but he disappeared into the crowd.
While it was an interesting first impression I soon forgot about him. One day when I walked out of my car into the street and a woman managed to run into me. It must have been a lapse on the part of my bodyguards because she should have never been allowed to get close to me. She fell back onto the ground and held her ankle as it became slightly swollen. I waited for the whole white lotus act but she was different. She acted all independent and righteous. I found something to alleviate my boredom so I decided to follow her and see what happens. Of course I'm not an idiot and I knew that she was gunning for me. She must be a fool if she thinks I would fall for her act. I would not have gotten to where I am today if I can't even see through people's intentions.
I played along for a few days and asked my recruiters to contract her for an unimportant job in the company. That day I felt rather stifled so I decided to follow the recruiters in incognito. I walked around the campus and I saw him again. He was walking through the campus alone with books in his arms. His headphones made him stand out and he was wearing a hoodie again. This time I could see his face and he was beautiful. I was seen a lot of beautiful people in my life but something about him got to me. I got a call from the company and had to return so the beauty once again got away from me.
Maybe the two of us were fated because one afternoon I ran into him as he was leaving the company. He looked into my face and I waited for some sign of fear, grovelling, or intimidation. Other than him shuffling to the side there was no expression on his face. At first I thought it might be some ruse to get my attention, but he just walked away, not even giving me his name. Something about him made me want to know more, so I sent my secretary to get all of his information. Reading through his information I realized that it didn't have much about him so I decided to watch him. For the next few weeks I got daily updates and pictures of him. I soon realized that it was no ruse, he was truly expressionless. It made me want to mess him up, make him show something. He was like a blank sheet and I wanted to put a mark on it.
I started to realize that at some point he gave my life color. I was interested and obsessed with someone and I couldn't let go. I thought it would be momentary but over time he just drew me in. The anticipation built over time and then I couldn't resist bringing him closer to me anymore. I found some jacked up excuse to make him my personal secretary. I wanted to see him all the time. When keeping him close to me 24/7 I learned that he couldn't feel. He wasn't numb, there was just nothing there. He went along with anything because it didn't matter. His life or death didn't matter. He had no fear and that scared me. I had finally found something that I wanted to keep by my side and he just seemed so fragile, life he would disappear.
I began to love his eyes, though there was no feeling within it. I began to love how underneath his cold exterior he was just naive and clueless. I began to want more of him, I wanted his everything. I began to want to give him everything in the world, even myself. Most of all I wanted to give him the gift of feeling. Once I realized the depth of my feelings I began to chase him. As long as I tried there was nothing in the world that I have ever lost, but he might be the first thing I lose. No matter how hard I chased he never looked back at me. My secretary told me to give up, what's the point in cherishing a man who can never understand nor return your love? But nobody understands. I love him without expecting anything in return. There is no point in a conditional love. Maybe it's just my selfishness but my love was more than just about him. He was the one thing that gave me color and I wanted to tightly grasp that feeling.
I thought that no matter the result the time had come for me to confess. Even if he rejected me I wanted to let him know that he had my everything if he ever wanted it. The nervousness, the fear and the anticipation I felt that day were truer emotions than I had ever felt in my previous 26 years of life. So I took him to a playground, a place where I had seen happiness not defined by connections and rules. It was this place that I wanted to reveal a feeling that wasn't dictated by benefits or mutual interests. My heart was racing when I made myself vulnerable to him. At that time he could have destroyed me, but I still took the chance. I was afraid but resigned to the fact that he may accept just because he had no feelings any other way, but I would take it.
When he agreed all of the emotions I had bottled up started to overflow. I hate to admit it but I cried. When he came to me telling me that I made his heart beat I almost collapsed. I knew that I would have spent my lifetime trying to make him feel, but when he told me that he did I felt like I had achieved what would be the most important accomplishment in my life. Even if I had nothing but this one moment, I could die satisfied. I wanted to make his heart race and I wanted to make him blush. There are so many other things that I want to show him and share with him.
But there's no rush, we have a whole future ahead of us, and that's the most colorful thing of all.
