14 Going back

"Just stop here, I don't want more eyes looking at me" I said to Hui Fan who was casually dressed in a black v-neck shirt and a pair of pants.

With just his looks, coupled with his long stature and an aura that basically tells people to look at him, I would definitely find it hard to even move without their gazes locked on me.

Clutching my bag, I head towards my locker; number thirteen and took out some of my notes. The crumbled edges of my notebook reminded me of hours of studying, no food to eat and to drink, I just drowned myself into sea of books and notes to catch up to my sister.

But no matter how much I tried, I still failed.

"Ah-Zhen! How are you now? Are you fine, did anything hurt?" With her usual loud voice, Nina, daughter of the famous news caster people in this country, made people look at us sideways and whispered to each other.

"What are you looking at?!" Chen Wei, the daughter of a military officer with a high position said in a fierce voice.

The students were startled but they were quick to move away. The two people by my side have connections and a wealthy background, no one would dare offend them.

Nina Yang and Chen Wei Zhang, my most trusted friends, and the two people I back stabbed.

It was still fresh in my memories, their whimpers and blood curdling shouts of help as well as their eyes, filled with deep resentment and burning fury. All I could do was to silently cry, the words of forgiveness stuck on my throat.

"Let's talk after lesson is finished okay?" The two of them look at me both in concern but nodded in response to my words.

With that, we parted ways as we both catch up on our individual class. Going back to the same route, the same window I gazed upon the now enormous Camptotheca or what is known as the "Tree of life" here in the academy's court. Looking at the now big tree, unlike the time when I passed here when I was 25, the tree was already gone due to some storm that happened in this area.

When I was almost five steps near into the classroom, I hesitated, not because I'm a coward or weak, but because I'm afraid.

The person who taught me art, how each colors represent a different meaning and how a single stroke can be seen as a masterpiece, I was suddenly taken back to the past.

"Mr. Wang, I am dropping this subject"

My voice was unwavering, looking at him straight into his eyes but to no avail, the trembling of my hands couldn't act the way I hoped it to be.

"Ying Zhen, I may not know your circumstance, but I know in your heart, that art is the greatest thing you have seen. You clearly love it, so why would you stop your love for art?" He asked in his usual gentle voice.

My heart was heavy, my breathing grew ragged from his words. Its as if he could see right through my un-flawed lie. With every breath I take, I could feel the thumping of my heart grew wildly.

"I-I realized that business is more in-interesting" I managed to said in a stutter.

"If that is what you wish, but Ying Zhen, let me ask you something"

With so much seriousness, he asked me. I could still remember the smell of his office, the stacks on his decks were full of colorful and different art; each tells a different story. His hands were long, perfect for painting, the sigh that came from his lips, and the words he asked of me.

"Is this something you want?"

I couldn't answer.

I didn't know what to answer.

What do I like? What do I dislike? I have never known, or should I say I never bother to search for and know. Because I was too caught up on my problems, my insecurity, the pressure I couldn't endure, the stares and their words.

I couldn't say anything back then but he knows, Mr. Wang knows.

That I was just a decorative doll that is controlled by my parents, and he as an adult, could do nothing about that.