Speedy

While sitting at my usual spot near the bar in the Pretty Kitty I see Chuck who's part of the door guards walks up to me and says " Sir there's a huge roadrunner outside going meep meep chasing people outside"

"What are you doing asking me for deal with it man"

"Well see that's the thing Jerry tried to whack it with his baton to get it to go away"

"And what happened damnit don't keep me in suspense"

"Uh yeah the bird fucking kicked him over 7 feet and is now sitting on him like a chair and bites him any time he tries to move"

"Alright let's see what I can do" I say as I stand up and load the Showstopper up with a beanbag shell and head outside where I see a 12 foot roadrunner right outside the door sitting on Jerry when I notice that I recognize the bird so I say " Speedy is that you boy"

As I say that the bird looks up at me goes "Meep Meep" and gets off Jerry and runs straight towards me and skids to a stop right in front of me and starts to chirp while rubbing his face on my chest affectionately

"Chuck take Jerry to Doc Stevens while I get Speedy settled in okay"

"Got it boss c'mon Jerry this is what your dumbass gets for trying to fight a 12 foot bird with a baton ya dumbass"

After they leave I take Speedy to towards the back of the building and see the sheriff standing there with a Marlin 45-70 in his hands and he says to me " You better keep watch of that bird or Imma throw it on the grill got me boy"

" First of all I'm easily 30 years older than you so I ain't your boy and second no you ain't gonna touch my bird or I'll feed you to him got me sheriff"

"Yeah whatever just keep control of the bird"

After the sheriff walks off I give Speedy a big steak and put him in an old paddock we have for horses and then I head inside and tell Tina to make sure no one tries to annoy Speedy because he will probably kill them for trying to and then I sit back down at the bar and resume my duties for the day.