4 Calm Before the Storm (3)

The Enterprise was as lively as usual. Occasionally, he would receive a salute from a crewman or a friendly smile. He smiled back, unable to return the salutes due to the sling. McCoy told him to keep it on for a day or two to keep strain off his shoulder. Chances were he would take it off early. Without the use of his arm, he felt too vulnerable. Still, it was nice to see the happy faces of his crew, his family.

He stopped at the door to his quarters then glanced at the door next to his. How was Spock doing? He had not seen him outside of duty for three weeks now, and truth be told, he missed his friend's dry sense of humor, the games of chess, and the small displays of emotion that slipped into his human eyes. He had meant to reach out over the weeks, but the paperwork never seemed to end. Low and behold a few days ago, he found out the admiralty had been making him do twice as much paper work in their effort to keep him busy. He discarded the excess work immediately afterward. He couldn't wait to have that conversation when he subtly told them he realized what they were up to.

Taking a few steps down the hall, he stopped at Spock's door and knocked. He waited. When the familiar deep voice didn't respond, he tried again. Still, there was no answer. He was one step away from using his override code when the door swished open and a surprised Spock stood at the door. "Captain? What may I ask brings you here?"

"What? Not going to invite your commanding officer in, Mr. Spock?" he teased, a playful look in his eye.

"Pardon me, Captain. Please, come in." He stepped aside to let his commanding officer through.

Jim wasted no time in taking the invitation, pausing for a moment to notice the red meditating mat laid out on the floor and the lit candles around it. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you were meditating. I would have left you alone if I knew."

"I believe I told you I was in need of meditation when you were being examined by the good doctor. There was no point in waiting to do so."

Jim winced slightly. "Yeah, you did say that, didn't you. How are your ears by the way?"

"My ears are adequate Captain."

"It's Jim, Spock. We're off duty. How many times must I remind you to call me, Jim?" he replied exasperated.

"Apparently thirty-six times, Ca- . . . Jim."

Jim frowned. Spock had gotten into the habit of calling him Jim off duty, but recently, he had deferred back to the formal tones and conversations as if distancing himself from their friendship. It was things like this that caused the captain to worry about the sudden behavioral change of his first officer.

Still, he felt skeptical about his first officer's health. Turning around, he observed the Vulcan's room. "Well Spock, the Christmas party is coming up, and I'm going to need you to play the elf this year. You're going to have to smile and dance for the crew too."

When Spock didn't say anything about how the entire situation was illogical and not apart of his duties, he turned accusing eyes on him. "Did you heat me, Spock?" he asked. When Spock's eyes shifted to the left for a split second, it confirmed Jim's suspicion. "I knew it. Your ears were damaged."

Spock stood silently, merely raising an eyebrow and admitting to nothing, but he was clearly uncomfortable by his overly stiff posture.

"Fine. I get it. You won't go to Bones," he sighed wearily. "And you'll meditate or something to aid the recovery process." Recalling his conversation with Bones, he asked carefully, "How are your meditations going anyway?"

Spock's posture became more rigid at the question and, as Jim expected, had ended up in uncomfortable waters for the Vulcan. If Spock wanted to, he could be the most stubborn person Jim knew and would hold his thoughts and opinions close to him where no one could reach. Jim hadn't expected him to answe, but Spock surprised him. Just around the corners of his eyes, exhaustion slipped onto his stoic face. "Meditation has been proving . . . difficult as of late."

"But you need that to keep your mind ordered, right?"

"I will not let it affect my work if that is what you are inquiring, Jim."

"I'm not saying that it will, Spock. I am worrying about you as a friend." Jim smiled gently.

Spock met his eyes for a moment before looking away. "Of course, Jim."

Spock stood perfectly still as the captain moved about the room. "You center your mind usually before you try to meditate, right? What do you do when you have trouble doing that?"

"I have various methods; however, currently those options have proved to be ineffective."

"I see." With careful hands, Jim picked up the antiqued 3D chess board. "Have you tried playing chess?"

"I have not considered it as the activity's purpose is to stimulate the mind by thinking of and executing strategies to out maneuver your opponent in contrast to focusing on centering within one's self."

Jim grinned. "But it relaxes you, doesn't it? Maybe that's all you need. It's worth a try."

Spock considered the proposal. Jim could see it in his eyes. After a moment, Spock nodded. "I find the idea agreeable."

"Great." Jim set up the board and Spock sat across from him taking the black side as his usual preference. It was amazing how easy they both fell into the rhythm of the game. Each turn, Spock relaxed a little more, letting his guard down, and Jim watched the transformation quietly. Every once in a while the Vulcan would glance up at Jim, and his emotions would flash across his eyes, some he couldn't name.

As the silence settle around them, Spock continued to steal glances at Jim between moves. The human however kept his eyes on the board, considering his next move. Smiling, he moved his queen to queen's level 3. "Tell me what's on your mind Spock."

Spock responded to Jim's move by moving his queen to king's level one. "Do you have a death wish, Jim?"

His eyebrows drew together in confusion, still focusing on the board but no longer actually seeing it. "Have you been talking to Bones again?"

"I was the logical choice to activate the sonic generator down on Rana II. I should have assumed the role you took upon yourself."

Jim looked up, the corners of his eyes tight. "Spock, I don't want to talk about this right now. Let's just finish the game, alright?"

Spock refused to let up, pressing the subject though he knew he should have stopped. "Do you not care about your life, Captain? I have found that if there is an emergency, there is a 89.726 percent chance of you assuming a hazardous role or taking unnecessary risks yourself instead of another crewmember."

Sitting up in his chair straighter, Jim met the Vulcan's gaze head on. "No. It's not that I don't value my life. I value it more than you are anyone on this ship will ever know, but I can never ask others to put their life on the line if I can't even do it myself. To me, their lives are worth more to me than my own. Sure, I'm captain. I'm supposed to stay safely on the bridge and have everyone else take the risks, but I became captain so I can protect those people. If that means I get banged up more often than other captains, so be it. If it means I have a higher chance of getting killed, bring it on. But that is my problem, not yours."

Silence filled the room once again. The weight of Jim's words was heavy in the atmosphere. Spock took his time making his move. "If I had not been there Jim, you would have died."

A chuckle escaped the human as he studied the board. "True and I thank you for saving me once again, Mr. Spock. "

"Your thanks are illogical. I was merely performing my duties as your first officer by ensuring your welfare, Jim."

A smirk tugged at the captain's lips. Reaching over the board, Jim knocked over his white king, admitting defeat. Spock raised an eyebrow a margin, the only sign that the Vulcan had been taken by surprise at the sudden show of surrender. "While an average player would surrender due to the current conditions of the board, this is the first instance you have surrendered in the midst of a game."

"And?"

"Do you not, and I quote, 'believe in no-win scenarios'?" Spock quoted back to him the same phrase he had said when confronting the Vulcan over the Kobayashi Maru.

Jim merely shrugged at the question. "I'm tired Spock. It's been a long day. I've been shot at, my ears are still ringing, and the medication Bones gave me is making me sleepy."

"In that case, I will consider this game a stalemate as neither of us are operating at an acceptable capacity at the moment."

"I think I can agree to those terms. I'm going to hit the sack. Make sure you see Bones if you're hearing is still suffering tomorrow. I'll see you in the morning." Jim had just turned to leave Spock's quarters when his communicator chirped. A soft groan escaped the tired human and sent the piece of technology a glare.

"Work never ends does it?" Jim had asked it as a rhetorical question, and he was sure Spock knew the statement meant to be one.

Never the less, he decided to answer it. "As captain of Starfleet's number one flagship, you are to be available at all times."

"Yeah, yeah. I know, Spock. You weren't supposed to say anything." He flipped open his communicator, looking slightly amused at his friend. "Kirk here. What do you need, Lieutenant?"

"Starfleet command is transmitting a message for you, sir. It's marked urgent. Shall I forward it to ready room one sir?"

"That would be great, Lieutenant. I'll be there momentarily. Kirk out." He closed the device and gave Spock a guilty smile. "Looks like I still have duties left before I hit the sack. Try to get some meditating done okay?"

"I will endeavor to do so, Captain." His commanding officer rolled his eyes at the formal title again but did not bother to correct him this time.

Jim left the Vulcan's quarters, completely missing the subtle look of longing directed at his back.