1 Meet Jack

I had been a taxi driver for 9 years in a town full of disrespectful bastards. During these times I moved out of my parents' house to rent an apartment and prove them that I was not a slacker, I was never a slacker, I just really loved sleep and video games. I was never really a gamer myself; I just played for entertainment because I hated facing reality. Reality is like grass because grass gets eaten by cows, a male cow is called a bull, wherein the grass gets digested and travels through a tunnel until it sees daylight only to find out that upon finding freedom, it was no longer the grass it used to be; its perfect smooth skin of green with the aroma of mother nature had become a brown gooey substance on the soil. Do you know what that is? It's bullshit!

I had never been in a relationship, ever. Technically, I am an adult who had never experienced copulating. So every night, I find ways to satisfy my libido by finding air to pump with my dominant hand, my toy volcano. Basically, I have to heat it up like a race car, starting off excitingly but slowly and then speeding up. It goes like that then it goes faster, and faster, and loud until I feel the rage of the volcano increasing, demanding, craving to erupt until it bursts with exaltation and a loud bang.

I drove through traffic on a Monday morning, f*ck Mondays. I reached the passenger's destination, paid me a couple of bucks for the fare. He did not give a tip. He knew me for two years and was a jerk.

"You drive like a bitch, Jack" that was my name. "Thanks for almost getting me killed"

"How sweet, you're welcome" I awed.

I drove back to my apartment, grabbed my favorite food- fish fingers! After eating, I sat on my ripped sofa, grabbed beer, turned on my old PlayStation which I had for a long time as a gift from my grandma- Karen. I played for hours until I felt dizzy before going to sleep. After that, I smelled something fishy. I looked around to find the source of the stench only to find out that it was me. So, I prepared my bath and jumped straight to the tub when the soapy water was finally filled. I scrubbed to clean myself for an hour and when I was about to finish, I lost my soap. A wave of anxiety washed over me for I could not live without soap. After my bath I stepped on a smooth slimy object that caused me to slip back on the water filled tub, hitting my head, losing consciousness and there I drowned.

I opened my eyes and everything was dark. Suddenly I saw a light that illuminated an aesthetic light hearing this godly voice.

"Ahoy Jack" said the godly voice. "You might be wondering why you can only see the light but cannot seem to find the location of this godly voice"

"No" I answered

"I was just thinking about what to eat for dinner"

"Excuse me young Sir, but what the f*ck? Do you not know where you are?"

"Should I care?" I sassed.

"Jack my friend, allow me to explain the current situation you are in right now. Unfortunately, you are not breathing because you have died a foolish death but I have to admit, it was entertaining. For that entertainment, you are permitted to reincarnate to a different world as a different specimen but you cannot be human anymore, forever, because who would wanna be human again?"

"Will the food be better?"

"It will depend upon your rebirth. Would you like to be stronger?"

I thought about it for a second and so, I answered.

"No thanks, I'm good"

"Very well, idiot" said the god with a frustrated voice. "I shall reincarnate you to something wholesome"

Then I heard the bubbly sound of water, and the oblivion around me faded to blue. I then realized I could only see on my sides. On my right side was something big; on my left side was nothing but blue oblivion. A fish with black and white stripes wagged by and asked me

"What are you staring at? Are you jealous of my charisma?"

"You can talk?�� I replied.

"Of course, are you stupid?"

"Huh?"

"Gay"

He then wagged away. I was curious as to what was on my right vision, so I tried to figure out how to move away to get a better view. I realized I had no legs or arms or a volcano. The blue oblivion and fish helped me realize I was under water so I wagged away instead, it worked! It turned out to be a shark, I was so shocked I could not move then I got slapped with a fin from another fish.

"Pilot fish and sharks are friends" said the fish "Go back and suck his barnacles"

"A pilot fish?"

"You don't know what you are?"

"I'm a pilot fish?"

"Isn't it wholesome? You get to consume barnacles forever until you die. Come, I will teach you how to do it"

He wagged his fish body to swim to the shark, I followed him.

"What's your name?" I asked

"What's a name?" he replied

"I'm going to call you Fred"

"Did you just say you're going to call me Fried?"

"What? No, you misheard me"

"I like it!"

"Okay, Fried, you may call me Jack"

"Hello, Jerk" he said confidently, as if he did not know the meaning of jerk. I just let it be. He demonstrated how to clean a shark by eating its barnacles and other form of dirt. I did as he said and showed.

"Well, I best be off" He bid his goodbye "Will I stumble upon you again, Jerk?"

"One can only hope" I answered. He then took off to find another shark before I heard the same godly voice before.

"Hello, Idiot child" said the voice.

"Is that you, weird godly voice?"

"Yes, Jack, I should've probably explained how things work now! Do you see a number in a green square above the shark?"

"Oh yes" I answered, focusing on the number 467 inside a square above the shark "I think you made me wholesome and delusional"

"No, you idiot, that is what level the shark is"

"What, like in a video game?"

"This is real life!" he said, frustrated "Anyway, everyone has their own way of leveling up. Once you have found yours, you will continue to level up that way or other similar activities"

"Go on"

"For example, everyone in your species can sleep while swimming, but not everyone can level up by doing that. You will have to find your own unique way"

"Oh cool. Tell me, great godly voice, what is mine?"

"That, you must figure out on your own" the voice then faded away. I was relieved because it was annoying me. I continued to talk to my fellow barnacle-sucking-mates and doing a lot of fishy activities. A thought occurred in my mind and that was how can I see my own level? Do I need a mirror? I started to spout random words.

"Level!" I yelled "Expecto patronus!" I waited for a second but nothing happened. All other fishes gave me the look of embarrassment.

I swam somewhere secluded to continue yelling nonsense for an hour or two.

"Mitochondria! Furryfetish! Up-up-and-away-fish! David Bowie!" nothing happened, but I continued anyway "Nani! Shazam!"

Nothing happened, still. So I started to talk to myself because why bother talking to others?

"Fish fingers!" I cursed "How will I check my damn status?"

Suddenly, an information board system thing popped up on one side of me so one of my eyes can gaze upon it.

"What do you know? Guess I did not have to shout"

[Pilot Fish]

Name: Jack

Age: 0

HP: 100

MP: 50

Exp: 0/100

[Attributes][Points: 0]

Str: 0

Agi: 5

Vit: 2

Int: 1.2

[Skills]

Swim lvl 1, Consume lvl 1, Inspect lvl 1

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